A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
This is post 63 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.
I got a huge response to my recent posting in this series about Perfection. Many people emailed me directly, or Twittered the post. It emphasized how many people struggle with their desire to get over their need to be perfect. So now I’ll address the importance of accepting yourself in your own imperfect yet wonderful skin.
I said that focusing on your imperfections is the opposite of having gratitude. It also makes it hard to love yourself. How can you even like yourself if you’re making a big deal out of what’s wrong with you!?! Not loving yourself keeps you from attracting love. It also impedes self-acceptance.
A lack of self-acceptance attracts all sorts of things that you don’t want and feeds low self-esteem.
Not loving yourself sends a message that you don’t deserve or aren’t worthy of attracting good things. Loving yourself as you are sets a positive tone for receiving. Striving to be perfect puts the focus on what you don’t have instead of what you do have. It makes your thoughts negative.
And where your focus goes, the Law of Attraction goes.
So you often don’t manifest what you want, and wonder why the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for you. But it does. Your negative view of yourself for not being perfect attracts more negatives. Several people wrote asking for help with letting go of a need for perfection. Some said their obsession with perfection alienated loved ones, ruined relationships, annoyed co-workers, etc. There’s no short answer for changing the perfection mindset but I’ll give some suggestions. I want to learn to love yourself so you can attract a happier life.
You can’t just “let go of” a need to be perfect. Your perfection habits may have been with you for your whole life. So, it will take time to undo them.
When I was a DoorMat, I thought too little of myself to think I could look perfect but I sure tried to please everyone perfectly. My need for perfection was related to others. DoorMats go above and beyond to do what others need from them, sometimes to the point of annoying people with their efforts. I actually had to cool it with a friend who went so over the top to please me that it drove me crazy. Nothing I said could make her stop. We’re still friendly but I avoid making plans with her.
Attempts to be perfect can actually do damage to you and those around you. It can push people away and wound your spirit.
When someone asked me for help in my DoorMat days, I didn’t just help, I HELPED. Could I babysit? Sure, and I’ll also cook your kids a meal and drive them home. Can I loan money? Sure, and pay me back when it’s convenient, which often ended up as never, but I’d still lend more. I wanted to be the perfect friend. But the more perfect I was for others, the more I hurt me. As my self-esteem increased, I knew I had to stop trying to be such a perfect friend. So I set about to break the perfection habit. You can break yours too! To break your perfection habit:
* Pay attention to your expectations. What are you beating yourself up over? What are you trying to improve? Why is it so important? Being aware can help you realize you can live as an imperfect human being.
*Ask yourself how it makes you feel to pursue perfection? If it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t good! Period! You want thoughts and intentions that attract happy circumstances, not make you feel bad or inadequate.
* ACCEPT that nobody can be perfect, including you. You don’t have to like that but it’s the truth. With acceptance, change can come. This step can take a long time. Even if you can’t process it into your behavior yet, ACCEPT that this is true.
* Ask, “Am I willing to try to let go of the need to be perfect?” WILLING is key. It can take years and may be hard, but are you WILLING to TRY? Once you’re willing to try, you’ll be more open to doing it, in as many steps as it takes.
* Ask, “Am I willing to try to accept myself as I am?” Self-acceptance is the antidote to needing to be perfect. The more I accepted me, the more I was able to ease up on perfectly pleasing others.
* Become determined to win the battle that may ensue in your head as you try to convince yourself to stop striving to be perfect. Prepare to win! Use affirmations to quiet the voices that push you to go for perfection.
* Say, “I love and accept myself as I am,” over and over to strengthen your resolve. Say it in the mirror. Say it aloud when you’re alone. You might not like and accept yourself but saying it over and over, preferably with conviction even if it’s faked, sends a message to the Universe that will return to support you. When I began saying it I didn’t like me. But as I continued to say it, something in me clicked. I realized I deserve love and my own acceptance.
* List your good qualities. We all have them. When you look for things you like about yourself, you’ll find them. Focus on your assets instead of what you don’t have. It feels a lot better.
* Give yourself lots of LOVE! Doing loving things for yourself will stoke self-love, which helps you to truly accept yourself. Treat yourself regularly! Be kinder when it comes to you. As it makes you feel good, love is easier to attract.
* Have patience. There can be a big distance between point A—believing that only perfection will make you happy—and point B—accepting your imperfect self as you are. Don’t try to rush getting there. Little teeny baby steps can eventually get you to point B. It took me years to get to a place of total self-acceptance. I’d still like a better body but I love what I have, flab and all. Each bit of progress nurtures self-love and helps you let go of the perfection myth.
Nobody is perfect. Some people just hide their flaws better than others.
The biggest antidote to seeking perfection is self-acceptance. And I’ll tell you a secret—the more you accept yourself in your current skin, the more confident you’ll feel. It shows in how you carry yourself and when you have it, i
t masks a lot of imperfections that you may see that others won’t. When I hated myself for not being thin, I felt fat and attracted less guys. No that I see myself as hot and curvy, I attract a lot more.
Confidence is appealing in romance, at work and in life in general. Self-acceptance stimulates that!
So tell the Universe you’re good enough now. You can still seek to improve yourself. I do. But I no longer have perfection as my brass ring. If I can get my body healthier, I’m happy. Losing weight is a side effect. I no longer try to be like women I see on TV. Nor do I envy them. Do your best at work; be a friend without sacrificing yourself; paint or do music or another art activity for enjoyment, not to push yourself harder than necessary. You lose the joy when you do.
It’s YOUR CHOICE—keep rejecting your imperfect but wonderful self or CHOOSE to live in a more joyful state of self-acceptance.
When you can relax and love yourself in your current package, you’ll attract so many wonderful emotions, and more love. It sends a wonderful vibe and message to the Universe that gets returned with things you deserve. Positive thoughts attract positive situations. Happiness really rocks more than anything else you can attract. You absolutely can develop self-acceptance if you are willing to.
I truly love myself deeply now. I do loving things for me every day. It still blows me away that after hating myself for so many years I can love myself this much! I want to be happy and relaxed. Striving for perfection will prevent that. If you saw me you’d know I’m not perfect. I have extra pounds and cellulite. I can be lazy when I need to work, sloppy when I get lazy, I’m getting older so my skin have more imperfections and I can annoy people when I talk too much. But that’s ME, and I accept it all. I don’t love my flab or annoying habits but they’re not who I am. I really truly love me! YEAH! Join me in this love fest!
See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..