Charlie Sheen is pulling back the curtain on one of the darkest chapters of his life—his spiral into addiction at the very height of his career. The former “Two and a Half Men” star, who is preparing to release both a memoir and a Netflix documentary, says fear of fading stardom fueled his reckless choices.

“There was always that voice of doubt – that it was only a matter of time before it all went away – so to enjoy it as heartily as you can,” Sheen told People.

That mindset drove him deeper into drugs and alcohol. Sheen admitted he experimented with crack, opiates, and heroin, and says it’s nothing short of a miracle he’s still alive. He survived an overdose in 1998 and another close call, even while keeping what he called “strict party rules.”

“At my parties, I always said, ‘Park your judgment at the door. No pain in the bedroom. And no one can die,’” Sheen shared. “Those were good rules.”

But eventually, the rules weren’t enough. Sheen says he knew he had to get sober. “You have to be willing,” he explained. For him, the motivation was clear: his four children, Sami, Lola, Max, and Bob.

Sheen revealed that drugs were the first thing he gave up, even before deciding to stop drinking. “Whether it’s true or not, I like to think the next hit would kill me,” he admitted.

Today, he has a unique way of staying away from alcohol. “I keep a [mental list] of the worst, most shameful things I’ve done, and I can look at that in my head if I feel like having a drink,” he said.

While Sheen has made amends with many of the people he hurt, forgiving himself has proven harder. “Forgiveness is still an evolving thing,” he said. “I still get what I call the ‘shame shivers.’ These are the moments that hit me, of the heinous memories and choices and consequences. They’re getting farther in between, so I guess that’s progress. What has been interesting about making amends is that most people have been like, ‘Hey yeah, we’re good man, but we hope you’ve also forgiven yourself.’”

Sheen’s upcoming Netflix documentary, “aka Charlie Sheen,” takes an honest look at how he “lit the fuse” that caused his life to unravel in the early 2000s.

“When you got a lot of shame about a lot of stuff… shame is, shame is suffocating,” he confessed in the trailer. “I lit the fuse, and, you know, my life turns into everything it wasn’t supposed to be.”

The film will feature several of his closest friends: ex-wives Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller, “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre, and former co-star Jon Cryer.

For Sheen, the journey is still ongoing. The scars of addiction and regret remain, but he points to progress in his life of sobriety and fatherhood. His story reminds us that while shame may be suffocating, the possibility of forgiveness and new beginnings is always within reach.