Idol Chatter

“All-Time Worst Christmas Movies” is not just a list, but a debate. Readers of the movie-ga-ga website Pearl and Dean recently voted “Jingle All the Way,” a 1996 flick starring the current governor of California, the worst Christmas movie ever, and you can find it on plenty of other lists as well (“Nothing more than an odious, unfunny tribute to the greed and commercialism of Christmas,” says a reviewer on British MSN.)

But how to define “worst”? “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” tops a dishonor roll compiled recently by Dave Larsen, a writer for the Dayton Daily News, who also nominates his favorite God-awful Christmas specials. But the seemingly intentional badness of this bizarre 1964 sci-fi hash might disqualify it as a spoof. (If only. We don’t recommend imbibing this film unadulterated. Try the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” version, available on DVD.) A movie has to be trying to be good to fail, right? But then, does Ben Affleck (“Surviving Christmas,” 2004) ever really try?

For our money, the worst is defined by what we couldn’t bring ourselves to watch, even to make fun of. And ladies and gentleman, there’s no way we’re watching “Santa With Muscles.” Two years after director John Murlowski made this “nosebleedingly bad” 1996 Hulk Hogan vehicle, he was given the helm of “Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish,” possibly as punishment, and we’ll even take Richie over Hulk.

For gluttons for Christmas schmaltz, Maxim has also identified the Worst Christmas Albums of 2006.

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