Ineffective and poor communication can complicate even the greatest relationships.

After the intoxicating infancy of love makes way for the mundane, connecting can be difficult.

Our relationship choices stem from our past.

We are initially drawn to individuals who are familiar to us in some manner. People who somehow resemble our family of origin.

Hence, why young couples often say things such as, “There was something familiar about him/her,” “I felt as if I had known him/her my whole life,” or “It just felt comfortable from the very beginning.” 

And older couples often say things such as, “Don’t speak to me that way. My father used to speak to me like that.” or “I always hated it when my mom did that so stop doing it.”

We gravitate towards the familiar.

Despite this, we were still raised in two different households with two different ways of expressing love.

Yet, we tend to expect our significant other to love in the exact manner which we do.

We also expect them to communicate as we do.

It’s a given that improved communication skills will enhance any relationship. However, most couples don’t expend the effort necessary to do so. This happens for many reasons.

Most couples get along great in the beginning of their love affair. Most couples do not seek counseling until there are serious problems. And most couples aren’t going to find themselves in a situation where both are interested in reading about improved respect and communication.

Despite this, there are three very simple yet earth-shattering relationship questions we should be asking our significant other.

The answers to these questions can tell us a lot about the health of our relationships.

And this emotional litmus test should also remind us of the importance of how we impact those we love.

Grab the right moment and ask the love of your life these critical questions. In fact, you may want to ask these questions of all those you are closest to.

3 Ultimate Relationship Questions You Need to Ask

Do I Make You Feel Loved?

Yes, it’s really that simple. 

Every single human being deserves to feel loved. And just because we love someone does not necessarily mean we are making them feel loved.

There is a distinct difference. 

Are we making them a priority? Are we making time for them? Do we get back to them right away? Do we say we love them? Do we show them we love them? Do we make them feel good about themselves?

There are so very many ways to make a person feel loved.

Only they can tell us if our actions are impacting them positively or negatively.

This is such an important question yet we often take for granted or assume we are loving well.

Do I Make You Feel Understood?

This question is rooted in communication.

Do we listen when the one we love has a problem? Do we try and fix the problem? Do we ignore them when they are talking? Do we disregard the importance of something which matters to them? Do we blow them off? Do we tell them something is ridiculous?

It’s important to remember that just because something doesn’t matter to us it may matter to another.

The core of respect is accepting the differences in each of us.

In other words, we don’t have to agree with someone to acknowledge their point of view matters.

We might not get stressed being late, but another may. We may not care about saving money but it may make another feel more secure. These are the types of differences that exist in each of us.

Again, we don’t have to have the same world view but we must allow someone else to have theirs.

When we do not feel understood we feel frustrated and frustrations can build and erode a relationship.

We simply don’t have the right to tell another what should or shouldn’t matter to them.

Is There Anything I Can Do to Make You Feel Even More Loved?

What a wonderful question.

Why would we not want to do everything in our power to make someone feel even more loved?

When asking this question it is important to be reasonable and open-minded.

Do not quickly dismiss something which makes another person feel special.

If spending a few minutes over morning coffee means waking up thirty minutes earlier why not try it? Or at least meet in the middle and do it once a week. If making dinner together seems like work watch some cooking shows together first.

Find some sort of compromise if the ‘ask’ seems too big.

But often, it’s the little things which can make a person feel most loved.

A call in the middle of the workday. Some flowers picked up on the way home. A hand held while driving the car. A note left on the kitchen counter.

View this question for the opportunity it is.

A way to create even more love in your relationship.


These three questions are so basic it’s hard to believe we never ask them.

But think of the wonder we can create in our lives and in our homes by understanding how we love.

And most importantly, how others are receiving our love.

We toss around ‘I love you’s.’

They are the three most beautiful words in the English language.

But a close second would be, “Do I make you feel loved?”

Made even more beautiful with a ‘yes.’

I’m contributing pieces on Family Today and Medium. Follow me on social below. #WomanResurrected

On Medium @ColleenOrme

Follow me on Instagram @colleenorme 

Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist



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