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The simple truth?
Not everyone grows up.
It’s one of the reasons I coined the phrase…
“I’m tired of watching children walk around masquerading as adults.”
So how exactly does this happen?
There are plenty of reasons an individual’s ego fails to mature. It can include but is not limited to being overindulged, modeling a parent who exhibited the same behavior, the role a person played in their home growing up, being a poor communicator, lacking respect and parents enabling the adolescent behaviors.
The last one is probably the most easily avoidable.
The parent who thinks they are doing a great thing by running homework and lunch to school and other things that hinder self-responsibility. Therefore, they do too much for their child and the child, in turn, goes out into the world and attracts themselves to a ‘mommy’ or a ‘daddy’ who continues to enable their inability to grow up.
Most adults believe they are mature but in reality some exhibit extremely childish behaviors.
Not to mention, these are also unbecoming actions in a grown person.
How is this possible?
They remain unaware because of a lack of personal awareness and because of those around them who support the poor behavior.
There are lots of indicators of maturity. These are just a few
A few questions to ask yourself about maturity:
Do you huff and puff and blow the house down during an argument?
Do you slam doors, walk out of rooms or houses or hang up on anyone? If this is your repeated MO in arguments it’s a childish and controlling pattern. This can be innate or modeled behavior but either way, it is not acceptable nor a mature way to resolve a conflict.
If it’s not your typical behavior and has somehow morphed into habits then you probably need to get out of the relationship you are currently in.
Do you need to be right?
A five-year-old has a small world view and is interested in getting their way. An adult realizes the world is comprised of all types of people and that every single human being has different talents, beliefs, and views. Therefore, there is nothing threatening about an individual who has a different opinion.
The need to be right stems from an undeveloped ego and a need to be in control.
Do you resist and complain about life’s responsibilities?
A child complains about what they feel forced to do, i.e., clean a kitchen, mow a yard, etc.
An adult realizes everyone does things they do not want to do. It’s a part of maintaining our personal and professional lives. Doctors appointments must be made, a home requires upkeep and family needs to be tended to.
A grown-up willingly accepts their responsibilities.
Do you neglect or shift responsibility for normal responsibilities?
One of the greatest elements of maturity is self-responsibility and self-accountability. When we grow up we accept responsibility for ourselves. If not, we may make another become overly responsible for us.
Therefore, if it’s your obligation to schedule the work meeting don’t repeatedly shift it to a co-worker. If it is your family members birthday it’s up to you to buy the card and the present. If you are going out for the evening don’t make someone have to be your personal babysitter.
These should be the exception, not the rule.
You should have the periodic need for help with a meeting, a present or overindulging one evening. It should not be the standard by which you live your life. Others should not have to be permanently responsible for your responsibilities not even a spouse.
Do you need a mommy or a daddy?
The idea is hopefully your mother and father raised you so you do not have the need to go out into the world and find another mommy or daddy.
Do you constantly need to be reminded of your responsibilities or to be responsible?
Is your SO or assistant or friend or family member continually reminding you of things you should be accountable for on our own? Are you repeatedly late to work? Do you repeatedly forget to call someone back? Do you repeatedly forget to make important appointments? Do you repeatedly forget things or obligations you have been told about? Do you repeatedly make poor financial decisions? And the list goes on.
A mature adult does not shift another into the role of being their parent.
It turns a relationship into unhealthy roles instead of being equals. One person again is forced into being overly responsible for the person lacking responsibility. This will eventually turn to resentment as the overly responsible person gets frustrated and the other person feels they are being ‘nagged.’ Aka, thus ‘parented.’
Do you come and go as you please?
Children have the luxury of coming and going as they please.
Adults do not.
Therefore, leaving the house and going to work each day and leaving one person to handle everything else is not a traditional relationship. It is dumping on the other person whether they work too or work at home watching children.
The same goes for the office. Regardless of your position or title home and work are built on the foundation of good relationships. This means living outside of one’s self enough to be involved in the entire entity not just your individual part.
In difficult times do you retreat or step forward?
We lose the luxury of walking away from problems in childhood.
Sorry, but adults need to roll up their sleeves and try and resolve workplace conflict, family problems, and financial issues. In particular, once an individual has children they lose the right to put only their personal interests first. Therefore, walking away from a marriage until counseling and all other options have been exhausted isn’t an option.
A grown-up accepts responsibility for their choices and situation.
Does every single person have the potential to do all of these things?
Do they live their life this way and do so repeatedly?
That is when it is no longer okay.
Or if they have gotten themselves into a situation where a relationship has soured to the point where poor and childish behaviors exist – get out.
So there will be fewer “children walking around masquerading as adults.”
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