A few days ago I wrote the column…

When God Cleans Your House

It made me realize though divorce is definitely about significant losses, I now see it as just life re-arranged.


And guess what? I love my life now! I know! Can you believe it?! I will attest to feeling emotionally chewed up and spit out many times over. A fact you all certainly know as you read my musings. You can’t experience divorce without this. Well, I guess a few charmed individuals may but the majority do not.

The shedding of so many emotions and a few people has left my world quiet.

It’s a beautiful quiet.

There is no longer significant angst. No more trying to please people. No more begging to be heard.

And there is also a peace.

The kind of peace that accompanies true spirituality.

When I wrote When God Cleans Your House, I understood my resistance had shifted into acceptance.

My worldview altered from trying to control the cascading losses to understanding they were necessary. I remember one day sitting in my marriage counselor’s office and telling him I both loved my now smaller world but internally felt somewhat conflicted since I had always kept a much larger world.

In essence, I was trying to convey that I felt both ‘comfortable’ and ‘uncomfortable’ with a new reality.

He essentially said it was healthier to have taken a minimalistic approach as in the past my larger world was actually the less healthy version. I was trying to please too many people, spreading myself emotionally thin and that is both consuming and exhausting.

It’s a wondrous thing this feeling of surrender I know have.

I feel blessed. Scratch that. I feel incredibly blessed to have this new direction in my life. Hard to believe when I once felt divorce akin to erasing an entire life built.

When we are going through hardship we remind ourselves to Trust in God and we pray. Yet, it takes a spiritual giant to let go immediately. We are human. We pray and somehow at times, still attempt to control the outcome anyway.

aka, resistance.

This is what I love about my life now.

It’s beautifully quiet.

Because my resistance has shifted into acceptance.


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