A few days ago I wrote the column…
It made me realize though divorce is definitely about significant losses, I now see it as just life re-arranged.
And guess what? I love my life now! I know! Can you believe it?! I will attest to feeling emotionally chewed up and spit out many times over. A fact you all certainly know as you read my musings. You can’t experience divorce without this. Well, I guess a few charmed individuals may but the majority do not.
The shedding of so many emotions and a few people has left my world quiet.
It’s a beautiful quiet.
There is no longer significant angst. No more trying to please people. No more begging to be heard.
And there is also a peace.
The kind of peace that accompanies true spirituality.
When I wrote When God Cleans Your House, I understood my resistance had shifted into acceptance.
My worldview altered from trying to control the cascading losses to understanding they were necessary. I remember one day sitting in my marriage counselor’s office and telling him I both loved my now smaller world but internally felt somewhat conflicted since I had always kept a much larger world.
In essence, I was trying to convey that I felt both ‘comfortable’ and ‘uncomfortable’ with a new reality.
He essentially said it was healthier to have taken a minimalistic approach as in the past my larger world was actually the less healthy version. I was trying to please too many people, spreading myself emotionally thin and that is both consuming and exhausting.
It’s a wondrous thing this feeling of surrender I know have.
I feel blessed. Scratch that. I feel incredibly blessed to have this new direction in my life. Hard to believe when I once felt divorce akin to erasing an entire life built.
When we are going through hardship we remind ourselves to Trust in God and we pray. Yet, it takes a spiritual giant to let go immediately. We are human. We pray and somehow at times, still attempt to control the outcome anyway.
aka, resistance.
This is what I love about my life now.
It’s beautifully quiet.
Because my resistance has shifted into acceptance.
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