As parents, we spend a fair amount of time agonizing over our mistakes. Certainly, we would have done many things differently. If only we hadn’t been grown children ourselves when we made our relationship choices and eventually married. Most of us had no idea our marriages would end. If we had, we wouldn’t have walked […]
A few days ago I wrote the column…
It made me realize though divorce is definitely about significant losses, I now see it as just life re-arranged.
And guess what? I love my life now! I know! Can you believe it?! I will attest to feeling emotionally chewed up and spit out many times over. A fact you all certainly know as you read my musings. You can’t experience divorce without this. Well, I guess a few charmed individuals may but the majority do not.
The shedding of so many emotions and a few people has left my world quiet.
It’s a beautiful quiet.
There is no longer significant angst. No more trying to please people. No more begging to be heard.
And there is also a peace.
The kind of peace that accompanies true spirituality.
When I wrote When God Cleans Your House, I understood my resistance had shifted into acceptance.
My worldview altered from trying to control the cascading losses to understanding they were necessary. I remember one day sitting in my marriage counselor’s office and telling him I both loved my now smaller world but internally felt somewhat conflicted since I had always kept a much larger world.
In essence, I was trying to convey that I felt both ‘comfortable’ and ‘uncomfortable’ with a new reality.
He essentially said it was healthier to have taken a minimalistic approach as in the past my larger world was actually the less healthy version. I was trying to please too many people, spreading myself emotionally thin and that is both consuming and exhausting.
It’s a wondrous thing this feeling of surrender I know have.
I feel blessed. Scratch that. I feel incredibly blessed to have this new direction in my life. Hard to believe when I once felt divorce akin to erasing an entire life built.
When we are going through hardship we remind ourselves to Trust in God and we pray. Yet, it takes a spiritual giant to let go immediately. We are human. We pray and somehow at times, still attempt to control the outcome anyway.
This is what I love about my life now.
It’s beautifully quiet.
Because my resistance has shifted into acceptance.
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