When I had my first baby I received all types of advice.

There were a plethora of well-intentioned individuals who wanted to warn me of how to best transition into this major life change.

A rule follower as always I tried to practice as they continually preached.

I could never have guessed these pearls of wisdom would come in handy not only when changing diapers but when changing bank accounts.

If only I had known…

I may have transitioned a bit better…

 

5 Things Divorce and Motherhood Have in Common

1. Personal Grooming:

Everyone cautioned despite the chaos and exhaustion get up and do your hair and makeup.

It will make you feel better.

You will be tempted to pull that hair up in a ponytail and go all Rodan + Fields makeup free but don’t do it.

It seems the same holds true for divorce. 

There’s so much going on you would rather slap snooze and sleep thirty more minutes than dedicating extra effort into yourself. Who needs eyeliner and a perfect blow dry anyway?!

Sadly, we do! And far more than we did when we were sporting that age-defying twenty-something baby face which actually looked pretty decent sans makeup.

Heed this advice: In divorce despite how big or how hot your mess is – make it look pretty!

 

2. Sleep Deprivation:

You won’t sleep again for years.

So take a nap and go to bed early when you can and get yourself and your children into a routine.

Who knew? The same would be true in divorce. The pounding of the pillow as you reposition it once again at 2:00 a.m. because you still haven’t fallen asleep – or you have woken up yet again in the middle of the night.

It was all a shock to the system back then yet somehow the joy kept you moving.

The good news?

Surprisingly, either the body or divorce adrenaline somehow allows you to continue to function despite the lack of z’s.

The bad news?

They were right! You won’t sleep again for years!

Heed this advice: In divorce treat yourself like a toddler at bedtime. Get the music, the book, the blanky – the whole kit and caboodle whatever it takes to make sleepy time chase the monsters away.

 

3. Weight Gain:

It might be a little difficult to lose the baby weight so give it time and exercise and eat well.

Well, turns out it’s even harder to lose the divorce lbs.

Of course, there are the lucky few who lose weight like those young mom’s we envied once upon a time who made it look so easy.

Of course, there was no time to drink while caring for an infant and too much time for wine in divorce. That might be a teensy part of the dilemma.

And of course, no cherubic bundle of joy accompanies this poundage. All the more reason to lose it quickly.

Heed this advice: In divorce don’t gain thirty pounds of ‘Ralph’ or ‘Rita.’ You’re leaving them remember? So lose it and lose them eat healthily and get moving.

 

4. Bad Habits:

Babies bring better habits – you will mature and grow up.

Less wine and coffee – more early mornings and schedules.

True, but that tiny infant lifeguard was watching us the whole time. We had no choice. We had to conform.

There’s no one making sure we toss the bad habits in divorce. In fact, while the marital pool is left unattended we dive in and pick up a few more.

We want more wine and coffee. Less early morning and schedules.

After all, we are feeling sorry for ourselves.

Heed this advice: In divorce make a list of safety rules you have to follow while you are minus a lifeguard. Print out that good habit list and stick to it.

5. Household Horrors:

Babies bring lots of new stuff, it’s going to be difficult to keep the house clean so get organized.

Well, it wasn’t quite as hard as they all cautioned.  

After all, there were so many people helping us get our act together and giving us all those fun new baby items to jam our house with.

And the occasional grammy, aunt or friend stopping by to tinker and tidy.

But, yes eventually it did become difficult to see between the trains and trucks and teddy’s. It took real work. The kinda energy a new mommy has.

Divorce a bit harder.

We are old mommies. Old mommies don’t have energy. Well, not for stuff that isn’t fun. Or we have energy for one thing and not the other. No can do all anymore!

Heed this advice: In divorce, enough of the stuff – get rid of it. Think the opposite of new motherhood – what we once lumped into the house now gets dumped. Less to clean.

 

Turns out it was sage advice I was receiving.

Words of wise women who had walked before me.

That I could recycle all these years later.

Just when I needed them.

 

 

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