I can’t lie.
There have been many instances throughout this four-year ordeal of a divorce where I felt I have lost valuable time. The tug of wasted moments bearing down on me. So many hours I would rather have spent generously with the ones I love. Instead of distracted, stressed or retreating.
It is the only time in my life I was not present.
Even the marital malaise years were tempered with enough balance to feel as though I had not missed so much of this gift called life.
I sustain myself with faith and the notion every single thing ‘even bad’ happens for a reason.
No matter. I still could not shake the remorse I felt for ‘losing four years of my life.’
I believe I am not the exception.
We interpret these spatial craters as time we need to somehow recoup and we mourn them.
But they are not to be grieved.
They are the years God is educating us.
Some people are quick learners. I never was. The eternal social butterfly. I was a late bloomer. Nothing has changed. I was still too busy trying to balance all my social engagements with the pressing assignments before me. My head was still up in the clouds. Only now instead of daydreaming outside a classroom window, I was naively believing starting over would be easy.
It wasn’t meant to be easy.
Staying is easy.
These years were not at all wasted.
God was educating me.
If it hadn’t taken this long I would never have been able to grasp the lesson.
I am easily distracted.
And school, well I really only liked the fun part – not the learning part.
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