I’m contributing pieces on Family Today and Medium. Follow me below and on Instagram for my quotes. #WomanResurrected On Medium @ColleenOrme Follow me on Instagram @colleenorme Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist #WomanResurrected E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
The truth is fully graduated confidence and respect are a byproduct of a mature ego.
What does this mean?
The ego must grow up.
This leads the average individual to a tricky conundrum. Because of course, we all want to believe we are both confident and respectful, don’t we?
In fact, most of us do not learn the proper communication and respect growing up. Therefore, many individuals who at the very least able to respect the outside world are not able to respect family members. It takes not only an education in good communication but the ability to reflect and mature the ego.
This is where truly graduated confidence resides.
Think of the ego like the spoiled child throwing a tantrum because they can’t have another lollipop.
The ego is a brat.
It is announcing to all those around it – “I want my way and you should give it to me right now.”
The risk associated with allowing the ego to fully grow up?
To let go of our individual egos is to let go of a bit of our inner control. The world won’t necessarily do, say and bring us what we want it to. Allowing those around us to make individual choices and live their life as they wish means our kingdoms feel threatened. We feel safer when people do as we do and think as we think.
It’s comfortable and comforting.
But it’s selfish. Why? The completely mature ego permits those they love to be who they are. They still can disagree but it’s a conversation rather than a judgment related to how one is living.
The immature ego projects onto a person how they want them to behave. What they should and shouldn’t do. It’s a conditional control – if you make the choices I deem fit I will accept you.
Conversely, the completely mature ego permits those they love to be who they are. They still may disagree but it’s a conversation rather than a judgment related to how one is living. It is a place where people aren’t told what they can and can’t do because the mature ego is absent of control. Instead, it is a conversation. How come you chose to do that? Oh, I wouldn’t have made that choice but I understand now why you did.
People often confuse sharing their opinions and control.
Opinions are a thought and a conversation, not a mandate to behave a certain way.
Control is demanding a person do as you want them to do.
12 Mantras Confident and Respectful People Live by:
1. I am comfortable apologizing unconditionally because what’s more important than my ego are the people I love.
2. I am not threatened by another having different beliefs, opinions, lifestyles or goals than I do even within my own family.
3. I do not need to make another person feel bad to make myself feel good or feel in control.
4. I have no need to be right because it takes great confidence to be wrong.
5. I do not take out my mood or pain on others.
6. I have no need to control another.
7. I keep my judgments to a minimum.
8. I do not need to force someone to conform to ‘either do or not do’ what I believe they should do instead I voice my opinion without making them feel my opinion comes with terms.
9. When I do have moments of weakness and judge, I acknowledge it rather than justify it is because I am worried about someone I care about.
10. When people talk to me I can hear them even if they are telling me something I don’t necessarily want to hear.
11. I don’t shut people out of my life when we disagree or they do something I do not agree with or understand.
12. I respect people and therefore, don’t make people over-talk or over-explain themselves because I understand we are all different and have different experiences.
The human condition demands these are mantras confident and respectful people do their best to live by.
It does not imply never or always.
However, with an education on the topics of respect, communication, and ego it is possible to do a fairly good job of sticking to them. What most may not want to hear is this can’t always be learned just through books and online absorption. Because we can’t always see our own flaws and what we bring to the table so counselors and classes may bring greater internal awareness.
Many will read this list and believe they live by these mantras.
What should every person ask themselves?
Do the people I love believe I follow them?
Because fully graduated confident, respectful, and egoless people aren’t afraid to hear the answer and/or do the necessary work to let go of their own egos long enough to ultimately gain more confidence.
And to love better…
Because it’s all about loving better, isn’t it?
It should be.
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