Do you know someone divorcing a narcissist?

If they answer is yes, do not tell them they are…

Stuck in the past.

Quite the contrary – 

An individual who is divorcing a narcissist is far from ‘stuck in the past’ they are ‘stuck in the present.’

The typical individual comprehends divorce. They do not understand divorcing someone with a personality disorder. The average person deals with rational, logical people who play by society’s rules. They actually believe the narcissist will be punished or held accountable for their bad behavior. They actually believe there is a way to break free of them.

In truth, narcissists are pathological ’emotional stalkers.’

The word bully might be used to describe them yet that isn’t truly strong enough because the narcissist is ‘everywhere’ in their spouse’s life. There is zero break from the ‘intimidator.’ They aren’t interested in pursuing their subject strictly on the playground or for an hour during one class.

The narcissist is a ‘human predator.’ 

They are always on the hunt. Always in search of the trophy which will prove they rule the land. 

And like all dictators and totalitarian beasts, they crave control, they hunger for it and they thirst for it.

The typical divorce involving a narcissistic spouse can last years. It will prove physically, emotionally, and financially exhausting. No matter to the narcissist. They are still fighting to rule a kingdom whose subjects have fled. Well, tried to flee. The narcissist refuses to be a ruler without the feared citizens.

The irony is the individual who is attempting to escape the narcissist is the stronger of the two. The narcissist has such a weak and fragile ego they can’t bear to let their spouse leave them. The confident and strong spouse is the one who put the narcissist on a pedestal and made their world go round.

In leaving a narcissist, the spouse may actually begin to believe themselves weak as they are growing fatigued from the constant ’emotional hunt.’ Additionally, this overly caring and nurturing personality may tend to be hard on them self and initially blame them self for being stuck or unable to move forward.

Nothing could be further from the truth. 

The narcissist is a skilled ’emotional hunter”

They select the right bait to set the trap ranging from using their own children or money or one of their spouse’s Achilles heels. 

The spouse of the narcissist has to (at least until there is heightened awareness in the legal system for divorcing mental health disorders) navigate this long divorce.

And, they have to diminish the totalitarian beast’s ‘CONTROL’ in any manner possible by not allowing themselves to be controlled because that is what thrills this ’emotional hunter.’

A person divorcing a narcissist is not stuck in the past. They are stuck in the present.

And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can’t put them together again – that is, as long as society and the current laws allow the dictator to roam and rule the land.

But no matter, because it is the stronger spouse who will ultimately reign.

 

If you or someone you know is divorcing a narcissist here are two articles they should read:

Psychology Today: 13 Things You Must Know if You are Divorcing a Narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201605/13-things-you-must-know-if-you-are-divorcing-narcissist

Minds Journal: What It Means When a Narcissist Says I Love You

http://themindsjournal.com/narcissist-says-i-love-you/

 

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