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It’s somewhat of a given that most people do not have the ability to see their own faults. This, of course, makes relationships and conflict resolution even more difficult.
Let’s call this ‘the cake.’
What complicates this even further is that most relationships lack truly great communication.
Let’s call this the ‘icing on the cake.’
This actually produces a conundrum. If individuals could learn to communicate better, they would actually be able to recognize some of their own faults. Therefore, the key is in mastering the art of good communication.
Think of ego as the sweet tooth hog. Ego wants its cake and to eat it too. Ego wants to win. Ego wants to be right. Ego is threatened by individual differences. Ego wants to be in control.
Here’s the funny thing…
1. Ask someone if they are respectful and most will answer yes.
2. Ask someone if they are confident and most will answer yes.
3. Ask someone if they are ‘ego-less’ and most will answer yes.
Most individuals did not learn respect and great ‘ego-less’ communication in their homes while growing up.
This means seemingly otherwise confident people lack the fully graduated confidence that accompanies an absence of ego. Once ego is eradicated an individual feels no threat by being wrong or acknowledging a behavior. They feel no need to be in control. There is no personal threat.
They understand that conflict is not another person ‘attacking’ them but the logical result of close personal relationships.
It’s not the conflict that is worrisome. It’s how that conflict is resolved.
Thus, the 3 Mandatory Elements of Great Communication:
1. Respect – Respect equals allowing others to be who they are and have their own opinions even if they are different than your own. Respect allows others to be the individuals that they are with their own beliefs, passions and boundaries.
2. Confidence – Confidence is extremely misunderstood. The average person believes they are confident. However, one is not fully confident if they do not have enough respect to allow others their own opinions, beliefs, boundaries, passions and concerns. There are many seemingly confident individuals who disregard people’s emotions, concerns, worries, priorities, opinions and who need to be in control. True confidence is devoid of ego.
3. Ego-Less – Good communication is at its core the result of zero ego. Ego is the culprit that must be erased before true respect and graduated confidence can be present. Letting go of ego means acknowledging that there is no true threat in being wrong or not being in control. It is only a perceived threat. Once an individual is willing to do the scary work of letting go of ego they are able to listen and hear the people in their lives. They are able to sit and have a ‘conversation’ and not an angry exchange or ‘argument.’ There will be no need for name calling because it never escalates to this disrespectful ego-filled type of interaction. It will be a means for talking and conflict resolution.
The fact remains that great communication is not innate for most people. Great communication is the result of learning about how to be a good communicator. There are opportunities to read books, take classes, etc. It is important to take advantage of these resources not only for one’s relationship but because when ego is dismissed an elevated level of confidence makes way to not only better relationships but to greater individual happiness.
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