How Great Thou Part

A friend and I chat. It’s a familiar topic that keeps rearing its ugly head during divorce.

It seems yet another person is capable of opening their mouth to voice their particular thoughts on divorce.

Now, I can’t place more emphasis on the fact that these misguided people simply have no clue what divorce really is. I can’t imagine if they truly did, that they would believe extolling their personal judgements on an already suffering and weakened human being would be the right thing to do.

Let me repeat that.

If you are the family member or friend of someone who is getting a divorce – know that they are presently weak and suffering.

Of course, I do not agree with black and white or blanket statements. There are exceptions to this; however, for the most part, remember that divorce is a death. It is important to recognize that grief accompanies divorce.

Do not be foolish enough to believe that just because a person ultimately surrendered and began divorce proceedings that they actually chose divorce. Instead, understand that they acquiesced to it.

I was shocked at an individuals insensitivity to a friend’s divorce. “She chose this,” the person said to me as I encouraged empathy and compassion.

My response?

“I begged for God to ease my mother’s suffering and then I screamed in grief the moment that he did,” I say.

It is arrogance to have a big mouth and big opinions in divorce. It could almost be referred to as bullying and not just a lack of kindness.

I remember one day, a very outspoken person looked at me (or should I say looked down on me) and said dismissively, “Well, if I wanted a divorce, I would have just gotten one.”

This was a mean-spirited reference to my elongated divorce.

At the time, this sent me to the ladies room. I grabbed a tissue and gazed in the mirror fighting back tears. This woman did not matter to me. Nor did I care if she liked me nor what she thought of me. None of this mattered because my wound was gaping and she scraped it.

It didn’t matter who caused the pain. It was just all pain.

I made a decision that night. I did not respond to her. I would not make myself look down to look up at her.

Instead, I just romanced my internal response. What I would have liked to have said to her if I wanted to give her the satisfaction.

“How naive of you. You try divorcing someone that doesn’t want to divorce you.”
“Of course, you would because you are controlling so I am sure that you would be in control of your divorce.”

Maybe there should just be a few canned responses for these arrogant ‘know it alls.’

1. “Unhappy people give the best advice! Do you have any more?

2. “I’m sorry, I meant unhappy people who don’t feel very good about themselves. Thanks for the great advice!”

3. “I love getting advice from a marriage and divorce expert!”

4. “I had no idea that you were doing life so well! Tell me more!”

5. “Good to know you don’t fear heights. I would be afraid to be up on that high horse of yours!”

6. “You must forget all the times you complained about your marriage! Don’t worry memory loss is normal at your age.”

7. “It must be exhausting needing to be in control all the time! So sorry you can’t control my life, too!”

8. “I know divorce is scary. Don’t worry it’s not a disease even if your marriage is a mess!”

Well, you get the idea. While your divorce wound is gaping – avoid these people. When it starts to heal – feel sorry for them.
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