A reader recently wrote with a question that many adult children quietly carry, especially as Mother’s Day approaches:

Question:
Every Mother’s Day I struggle to honor my mom. When I was 14, she left our family to be with another man. The pain from that time still lingers, and I find myself unsure how to approach this holiday. I think I’m still angry with her. Now she wants a relationship with me. What do I do?

Answer:
Your struggle is deeply understandable. Days like Mother’s Day can stir up old wounds, especially when your story doesn’t match the cultural picture of celebration and closeness. Before deciding what to do, it’s important to reflect on what’s still happening inside you.

Start by examining your heart. Have you truly forgiven your mother for what happened? Forgiveness is not about excusing her behavior or minimizing the impact of her decision. What she did had real consequences, and those deserve to be acknowledged. But forgiveness is ultimately a choice—one that releases you from carrying the weight of ongoing anger. As people of faith, we forgive not because it’s easy or deserved, but because we have been forgiven. Letting go of unforgiveness is an act of obedience and a pathway to freedom.

Next, consider whether judgment is still taking root. It’s appropriate to name her choice as wrong, but holding onto judgment often keeps you emotionally tied to the pain. Resentment can quietly grow into bitterness, and over time, that bitterness affects far more than this one relationship. Ask yourself honestly: Do I want her past decisions to continue shaping my present emotional life? Or am I ready to release that burden to God, trusting Him as the ultimate judge?

It may also be important to process the impact her leaving had on you. Sometimes healing requires giving voice to pain. You might consider having a thoughtful, honest conversation with your mother and sharing how her actions affected you as a daughter. This isn’t about attacking or blaming, but about telling the truth of your experience. Go into that conversation without expectations. She may respond with humility and remorse or she may not. Either way, expressing your story can be a meaningful step in your own healing.

If your mother seeks forgiveness and shows genuine desire to repair the relationship, reconciliation may be possible. But remember, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. Forgiveness is something you can choose on your own; reconciliation requires mutual effort, honesty, and trust-building over time. Move at a pace that feels wise and emotionally safe, trusting God to give you wisdom in the process.

If, however, your mother is unwilling to acknowledge the hurt or take responsibility, there is a different kind of work ahead grieving the relationship you hoped for but may not have. That grief is real and necessary. Trust that God meets you in that space and can provide the comfort and wholeness that may be missing from this relationship.

So what does this mean for Mother’s Day? It may not look like a picture-perfect celebration and that’s okay. Honoring your mother might be as simple as acknowledging that she gave you life. It might mean a brief call, a card, or even a quiet prayer. Or it may mean creating healthy distance while still holding a posture of forgiveness in your heart.

Mother’s Day can be complicated. But it can also be an opportunity and an invitation to step out of resentment and into freedom, one intentional choice at a time.

For more help with mother-daughter relationships, I Love My Mother But…