Doing Life Together

sad-girl-3007690_1280Jenny and Mike are  not looking forward to Valentine’s Day. Their relationship has been a bit rocky and things are not going well between the two of them. “I don’t want to pretend on Valentine’s Day. We are in a rough patch when it comes to our relationship. We’ve been dealing with infertility for a year now. The pressure is on and we aren’t sure how to handle it.” My advice for this couple- Take a break from the pressure of love making. Focus more on making Valentine’s Day a time when you appreciate each other for reasons other than sex or the pressure to make something happen. Get out old photos, do something spontaneous and fun, or put on your favorite music that reminds each other of how you met. The holiday may trigger more unhappiness, but you can refocus the day to remember the good things.

Rosa has a different story. Her husband died last year of a brain tumor. Valentine’s Day is a reminder of the loss she experienced and she is worried she won’t be able to get through the day without a break down.  For Rosa, surrounding herself with her supportive family is key. Because she and her husband were avid bikers, she and her sister plan to walk a favorite trail and talk about the positive memories they had together. She decided to write her husband a note and pin it on a tree. It is a small, but meaningful symbol of her love.

Tiffany sees Valentine’s Day as a reminder of being single. Her recent break up isn’t helping and she dreads opening her Instagram App and seeing happy couples. Tiffany needs a different focus this year. She is going to be kind and loving to herself –better to be single than be in a destructive or bad relationship with someone else. She has plans with other singles to go bowling on Valentine’s night. Each is bringing a “friend” card for encouragement. They plan to celebrate the love of friendship.

This Valentine’s Day, focus on someone you love. It may not be a spouse or partner, but it could be your parents, grandparents or even a good friend. If you love someone, celebrate that love!

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