The average American can count their close friends on one hand. Literally. Researchers reveal that most adults maintain just 3.6 close friendships at any given time, a small circle that continues shrinking as people age.

A survey of 2,000 Americans by Talker Research found that adults are steadily losing friends, dropping nearly one good friendship per year. Over the past decade alone, respondents estimated they’d lost touch with about nine people they once considered close friends.

Seven in 10 adults agree that keeping a large network of close friends becomes harder with age. Distance ranked as the single biggest culprit, with half of respondents saying geographical separation killed their friendships. Life transitions came in second at 48 percent, followed by someone stopping their outreach at 40 percent.

A quarter of respondents cited lack of time as the reason connections faded. Another 22 percent watched friendships dissolve when their values no longer aligned, an especially common experience among Millennials.

Gen Z adults reported losing an average of 10.4 friendships over the last decade, compared to just 7.7 among Boomers. Men also reported higher friendship losses, averaging 9.6 friends lost over 10 years compared to women’s 7.8.

Kylie Sligar, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and co-owner of All in Bloom Therapy, which commissioned the survey, explained why adult friendships prove so difficult to maintain. “Making new friendships in adulthood can be really challenging due to not having as many built-in opportunities in everyday life,” Sligar said. “Additionally, so much of life is virtual these days.”

Practical Steps For Building New Friendships

Sligar offered concrete strategies for adults looking to expand their circles: attending meetups and community events, volunteering, joining hobby groups, checking local Facebook groups, or trying friend-finding apps like Bumble BFF. Hosting events yourself can create opportunities that no longer occur naturally in adult life.

“Taking initiative, being consistent, and stepping into vulnerability are all important aspects to making new and lasting connections,” Sligar said.

Once a connection forms, maintaining it requires regular effort. Sligar recommended consistent check-ins, genuine curiosity about the other person’s life, and showing up for events that matter to them. She referenced a saying from parenting circles that applies equally to friendships: “if you want a village, you need to be a villager (aka you need to show up for others in the ways you would like to be supported).”

Why Distance Breaks Even The Strongest Bonds Between Close Friends

Physical distance doesn’t strengthen friendships. Fifty percent of respondents named geographical distance as the reason they’d lost touch with former friends, making it the most common friendship killer by a significant margin.

Boomers were most likely to lose friendships due to distance, while Millennials more often cited changing values. Thirty-five percent of respondents admitted they themselves had stopped reaching out to friends, while 40 percent said the other person stopped making an effort.

A friendship circle of fewer than four people leaves little margin for error. Lose one friend to a move, another to a life transition, and suddenly an adult’s entire social support system consists of two people.

Sligar offered reassurance to those struggling. “There are so many other adults out there feeling lonely and looking for friendships, you are not the only one,” she said. “We just have to be brave enough to put ourselves out there, knowing we might have to tolerate feeling a little uncomfortable or awkward.”

Not every attempt at connection will succeed, she acknowledged. “You might not connect with everyone, but your people are out there. Go find them.”

This article originally appeared on StudyFinds.org.