For many of us in the U.S., this marks more than six months that we have been in quarantine. I refer to it as ‘self solituding’ and the experience has been both terrifying and comforting. In mid-March, as the buds were beautifully blossoming, I was turning inward, attempting to wrap my mind around the possibility […]
Around 3 something this morning, I woke up with a prayer running through my mind. I assured myself initially that I would remember it when I was more lucid and my eyes were open. Uh uh. “Get up, woman. You know that if you don’t get this in print now, it will slip through the gaps in memory.” So, up I rose and took dictation which I have been doing far more lately. This is what emerged.
Tonight before I go to sleep
I pray that I have earned my keep.
Have I been loving?
Have I been kind?
Have I shared what’s in my heart and on my mind?
With understanding I might see
that not everyone views the world like me.
Can I make it okay and if not, be on my way
and detach with love
as blessings are showered from above?
I ask to make this one confession
that I want to make a lasting impression.
When it is my time to go
I ask to let this all be so.
-Edie Weinstein 5/8/19
When I re-read it just now, it resonates with how I have lived for much of my life. My parents taught me that although we could count our blessings, we needed to create that state by offering time, energy and love. Although I was not silenced (I grew up in the era of ‘children should be seen and not heard….ridiculous, frankly, since how can anyone grow to be outspoken and articulate if they are not given the chance for self-expression?) there were times when I practiced over-filtering of my thoughts, since I wanted to be liked and accepted.
These days, I run my words through the Buddhist concept of the Three Gates: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? before I say what I am thinking. As a recovering co-dependent, I have been able to set appropriate boundaries and refrain from accepting that someone else’s truth had to be mine as well in order to be in relationship with them. In this heated political climate, the landscape has become even more treacherous. There are times when I have needed to walk away from interactions when others express what I perceive as dangerous beliefs, after attempting to share my concerns. From their side of the mirror, I imagine they feel the same. I can beam love their way, from a distance.
The legacy I want to leave is one that will encourage folks who remain to carry on, to live from the heart.
“You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.”
Photo Credit: Pixabay