For many of us in the U.S., this marks more than six months that we have been in quarantine. I refer to it as ‘self solituding’ and the experience has been both terrifying and comforting. In mid-March, as the buds were beautifully blossoming, I was turning inward, attempting to wrap my mind around the possibility […]
Today is National Honesty Day. What if we told the truth about ourselves, our lives, our feelings, our intentions, but delivered it with love, diplomacy, and compassion? I endeavor to do that each day. Sometimes I have to put my hand over my mouth to avoid delivering my truth in a way that doesn’t fit those criteria. Those who know me well, are aware that I wear a mask some of the time since I want to be perceived in a certain manner. Ready to do a come clean for y’all.
I feel angry and judgemental and full of shoulds and oughts for myself and others at times. I don’t always see the world through heart shape lenses. Pacifist that I am, sometimes I still wanna shake people to wake them up. I want to stomp and storm and throw temper tantrums when I see injustice being done. I am not always sweetness and light. Sometimes even the Bliss Mistress gets the blues. I may seem like a whirlwind, but there are times when I just don’t wanna do anything and feel like a couch potato. I wish people would simply do things my way and all would be well with the world. I feel envious when people achieve the kind of success that I work hard for and then I judge myself for feeling that way.
I get caught up in fear and self-doubt. There are times when my memory goes on the fritz and I am lucky I can recall why I walked into a room, or who I was going to call. Names and faces don’t always stick with me. There are moments when I know that I have met someone but can’t always remember the context. I am afraid of losing my marbles and hope someone will retrieve them if they roll under the couch. I am terrified of being incapacitated and needing people to take care of me. That’s the control freak aspect of myself that wants to be the take charge caregiver. I fear failure. I fear success.
For me, honesty is about being in integrity and accountable for what I do.
In his international Best Seller The Four Agreements author don Miguel Ruiz shares this life guidance.
“Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Speak with integrity.
Say only what you mean.
Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. “
These are values I hold dear as it relates to honesty:
- Say what I mean, mean what I say; but don’t say it mean. As a recovering co-dependent who would often tiptoe around the truth so as not to step on toes, I have become honest in my interpersonal interactions.
- Being a woman of my word. When I tell someone I will do something, I do it, or if not possible, re-negotiate.
- Taking my ‘inventory‘ (as in 12 step rhetoric) throughout the day and determining where I am off the mark.
- Course correcting as needed. According to pilots, airplanes are off course 99% of the time and it takes a skilled aviator to keep the craft aloft and have it arrive at its destination safely. Hopefully, my trajectory is direct more often than that.
- Don’t gossip. Unless it is spreading good news about someone, and what I appreciate or admire about them, I keep it to myself. On the occasions when I have shared about unhappiness with another, it has been to find a solution to the dilemma and with those, I trust to maintain confidentiality about our conversation. In that same realm, people in my life know that what they share with me will remain with me. As a clinician and privileged listener, I hold so many bits of information in my head that I am honor bound not to share.
Are you willing to tell on yourself? It actually is cathartic.