Many’s the time I have bemoaned that wished- for experiences had not occurred as I thought they ‘should’. Jobs, relationships, return on investment of my time would wait on the other side of a transparent wall, thumbing their collective noses and blowing raspberries at me. It was then that I was reminded by the inner voice that if I took inventory of all of my accomplishments, I would see how rapidly I really had progressed. The God of my understanding would question my doubts, asking “Have I ever dropped you? Is there anything that hasn’t worked out even better than you thought it would?” When seen through the lens of impatience, it may appear that my life was crawling along at a snail’s pace. Once I recognized that the seeds I had planted, even if decades earlier were blossoming, I could kick back a bit, hands behind my head and watch with laughter and delight.

Of necessity, for health reasons, I have slowed my pace. I observe more and speak less. I breathe in the beauty of the flower petals, rather than scrambling to gather them before they blow away. I track the seasons of my life, measuring them in love, rather than in achievements. I treasure my family and friends even more than I had prior to a life altering event. Authentic with them as I dare to say what I had been withholding so as not to incur disapproval.  The good news is that no one has run away and stronger bonds have been forged.

I  splash about in the waters of life, drenching in moment  to moment desire, rather than skating on the surface, fearful of falling in. I allow myself to feel again, after a few years of numbness, following my parents’ deaths. The raw and real are everyday occurrences. I allow vulnerability when once I would have steeled myself against it. Facing your own death will do that for you. Nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain.

I witness loss in a world that calls out to be healed with love. I observe how people fear deeply engaging with each other, with the erroneous idea that they can spare themselves pain. All I need do is look in the mirror for that one, since I have done it for so long. Keeping love at bay, while saying I want it confuses the Universe. I am welcoming it in all forms.

Surprises await as life unfolds. I wonder what will come to visit us today. Do you dare to wonder and welcome?


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