“Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I” wrote US songwriter Lorenz Hart about the feeling of infatuation. It’s blissful and euphoric, as we all know. But it’s also addicting, messy and blinding. Without careful monitoring, its wild wind can rage through your life leaving you much like the lyrics of a country song: without a wife, […]
1. Yell at them. Tell them to go to a place where there are no lemonade stands.
2. Laugh at them. Start with “ha” and end with “hee.”
3. Loan them to a friend, and tell her not to give them back anytime soon.
4. Talk about them, preferably to a friend over a cup of strong coffee.
5. Scare them away. Any mask will do, but vampires are preferred.
6. Dress them up. With the right attire and hairdo, you can make anything attractive and desirable, right?
7. Harness them. If they are under your control, you don’t have worry about them.
8. Spit on them. If they’ve caused you enough grief, it’s time for saliva.
9. Interrogate them. Ask them the hard questions which include: where, what, why, when, and how? And get a mug shot.
10. Bully them and boss them around like the scary dude in the fifth grade that made you cry.
11. Suffocate them, or gag them, so that they can’t talk.
12. Free them. Let them go. Tell them to have fun and not to return.