“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.”― Robert F. Kennedy First, a confession: Although I pride myself on my ability to dialog and find a common […]
(Unedited) Question submitted via formspring.me:
“I am in a relationship for few years now, to everybody he seems to be a perfect lover n partner,but i get irritated very frequently due to his “over lovingness”.feel suffocated as he keeps a track of my every second of a day. wedding is very near.”
(and then she said)
“hi,i m d same girl getting married to over loving partner. I work with this another guy,who always teases me,sometimes complement me,thinks he like me,m attracted to him,not for any long term bond but for fun,may be a date or two. but he never asks. I want him”
Let’s break this down into pieces:
1.You’ve been with him a few years.
2.Everyone *else * thinks he’s a perfect partner…but you don’t.
3.You get irritated and feel smothered.
4.He may be a bit possessive.
5.Some guy at work teases you, and gives you the odd compliment
6.You want to be with this new guy, ‘just for fun’.
7.You are supposed to be getting married soon.
The short answer: don’t marry this guy. Since, you didn’t say you love him, you didn’t mention wanting to be with him. You said everyone ELSE thinks he’s great, which means you don’t.
You said he over does it, and you’d prefer a guy who under does it.
YEARS later, and you’re more interested in having a fling with a coworker than you are with getting married.
Translation: break up. Now it’s possible you are from a culture that won’t let you break up, and you have to proceed with the wedding whether you want to or not.
In that case, sit your guy down and explain to him that you feel smothered.
Tell him you want some more excitement in the relationship, and work together to figure out how you can both feel happy and fulfilled.
Since as always, if you can’t communicate if you don’t have a relationship.
But that is only if for whatever reason you *can’t * break up.
Nothing in your words says you should stay with him, if anything it seems inevitable that you’ll either spend your life with him miserable, cheat on him, or both.
Another thing: the coworker isn’t the solution.
He only looks attractive because you’re bored by your fiancée.
Focus on either fixing or peacefully dissolving your current relationship; you’ll have all the time in the world for whatever fling you like once it’s done.
I’d also suggest you look at why it is you can’t commit to this guy.
It may be that your relationship has run it’s course (which is normal); or it may be you have a problem with commitment.
Look at all your past relationships and see if they have ended similarly.
I’d also look at your relationship with your dad, and his relationship with your mom as an indicator into how you got into this mess.
You may have a good guy you are being too hard on; or a damaged relationship you can’t let go of.
Either way a look into your past will probably give you a hint about your future.
What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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