“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.”― Robert F. Kennedy First, a confession: Although I pride myself on my ability to dialog and find a common […]
(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring:
“I met this grl online about a year ago we were cool and metin person 2 times when she was in my areaWe gotcloserabout two months ago and pretty much talked all day evry day since i told her i really like her and she said she sees me as a bro wat shld i do”
“i told the girl that i love this week how i felt & she says im like her bro. i havent spoken to her since its gonna take a while for me to get over he shld i still talk to her or just let her and it go?”
This question was answered live on the air during a recent episode of my radio show Rise UP with B. Dave Walters whichyou can find here but it’s worth digging into it a little deeper.
Los Angeles might seem like home to the strangest relationships on Earth, but situations like this are becoming more and more common. The Internet is bringing us together like never before, and more and more people are getting into sticky situations like this one.
First, let’s break this down:
- You met online about a year ago
- You’ve seen her in person twice
- You talk(ed) to her every day
- You told her you loved her (!) and she said you were like a brother
- You stopped talking after that.
We’ve talked before about how guys can end up in the ‘friend zone’…a trap that it is nearly impossible to escape! Girls have a unique ability to think of a guy “like a brother” that guys just don’t have. This is a major difference between how men think and how women think.
As far as your specific situation, I have some bad news: it’s nearly impossible to get out of the friend zone!
First and foremost, the *worst* thing you can do is suddenly withdrawing, or doing anything to make her feel guilty. If you used to talk every day, and suddenly drop to little or no conversations, or oddly tense conversations things are going to get really bad really fast. And do not, under any circumstances, ask her WHY she doesn’t feel the same. There is nothing she can say that you are going to want to hear; and it will only make things more awkward.
Now, as for how you can POSSIBLY change it, or at least keep from ending up here with the next girl: the first thing to do is pull back some.
Now, didn’t I just say don’t do that? No, you don’t want to SUDDENLY pull back. But if you used to talk every day, talk every other day. If you used to talk for an hour, talk for 15 minutes.
Make her miss your presence and seek it out, rather than follow her around like a puppy.
This is very important: move on.
Look for other girls, and let her know when you are interested in them. The idea is the same; make her miss your attention and affection. This doesn’t mean lie, or use other girls to try and make her jealous: *actually* look for other girls. Who knows, you might find one who feels the same way.
Again: no guilt, no pressure, no asking why.
Keep being the friend she likes, just keep her at arm’s length; once she sees you slipping away she may want to hold on tighter. And if she doesn’t, you’ll have a new girl and an old good friend, and that’s not so bad.
What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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