“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.”― Robert F. Kennedy First, a confession: Although I pride myself on my ability to dialog and find a common […]
*This is a question I answered some time ago, but the answer still applies to some one out there….*
Question submitted via Formspring.me
“How do I get over the hurt feelings of having been beaten by my boyfriend of 6 years who was my supposed to be my best friend for 11 years???”
If he is putting his hands on you: leave him.
It doesn’t matter if he was drunk, or just mad, or didn’t mean it: LEAVE HIM.
Pack your things and get out. Wait and leave while he’s at work if you have to; go stay with your mom, or a friend, and if he shows up call the cops.
Don’t get hung up in giving him more chances, since the statistics say he won’t change and will only get worse.
Here is Los Angeles there are several resources you can use and shelters you can go to; even if you don’t need a place to stay you can still call them and talk to people who are qualified to talk you through your situation.
Even if you don’t live in Los Angeles, 5 minutes on Google will turn up plenty of help in your area.
As far as him having been your best friend for 11 years…he isn’t your best friend now. If you have a dog who is loyal for 11 years and attacks a group of children in year 11, it still gets put down!
What you have to realize, is you deserve better.
Believe it or not, you also have to forgive him for what happened.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are saying what he did is OK (it’s not); forgiveness means you are releasing all the built up hurt and negativity so that you can heal. And also forgive yourself for having been in the situation in the first place; quite often victims can get stuck blaming themselves or feeling like fools for letting it happen. Forgiveness is a gift you are giving to *yourself *, not to him.
Now, once you are free from the situation (or, if you already are free from it), here are several ways to let go of the relationship. And even more importantly to deal with the painful memories of what happened.
Once you’ve let go of the pain and anger, and the memories don’t hurt anymore either, it will be that much easier to let go of him completely and move on.
Keep us posted on how it turns out.
What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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