Eight Tips for Keeping Faith While Caring for a Sick Child

Coping Strategies for Caring for a Sick Child

By Hesham Hassaballa

My eldest daughter was diagnosed in 2003 with a genetic disorder called Ataxia-Telangiectasia (AT), a terrible disease that causes the part of the brain that governs balance to slowly deteriorate over time. Kids with AT lose the ability to walk, track with their eyes, and other vital functions. They can suffer from chronic infections and are at risk for developing cancers such as lymphoma and leukemia.

Watching our daughter suffer through the challenges of this illness has been extremely difficult. But we are trying to cope with it the best we can through faith, deep breathing, and help from family and friends. And we’ve come up with some coping strategies to help us keep faith and move forward even when problems seem insurmountable. If you have a sick child or know someone who does, these tips can help.

Hesham Hassaballa is a columnist for Beliefnet and a physician.

Learn to Go with the Flow

We had come to grips with my daughter’s Ataxia-Telangiectasia diagnosis years ago. But though I knew how this illness could progress, I soon realized that you are never prepared for serious illness in your child. So the most important thing is to go with the flow. Everything is going to change--repeated visits to the doctor and hospital, physical and occupational therapy, multiple meetings with school officials.

The right way of your family’s routine becomes the wrong way. "Normal" is something completely new and different. Rather than waste your energy trying to resist the change, give in to it. Try to make the best of what has been given to you. It won’t be easy, but it will make everything more manageable.

You Are Not Being Punished

There is an Arab proverb which says that "Health is a crown worn by those who are healthy; it can only be seen by the sick." Being sick yourself can be difficult enough, but when it is your child, it is too much to bear. We wish that we can take the pain and suffering from our daughter, but we can't. But one thing that is most important is to know that God is with us during this difficult time. This is not any sort of "punishment" for something we have or haven’t done. But this can be so hard to grasp. One of the most natural and initial reactions to a child’s illness or diagnosis is, “What did I do? Does God not love me?” I believe God is much more beautiful than that. Having a sick child is a difficult test, but God will make things better in the end, no matter what happens.

Lean on God and Prayer

God is always there with us, whether we realize it or not. But in difficult times, it is even more important to rely on God and prayer. You may not understand why things are happening the way they are, but God has a reason, even though we often don’t see it. So pray for your sick child, and ask others to pray as well

Many people have asked me whether it is okay for them to pray for my daughter. I always enthusiastically say, "Absolutely!" My wife also asks friends and neighbors to pray for our daughter's health and recovery. It is very comforting for us to know that so many people are praying and pulling for us. God loves to hear us call to Him, so the more people who are calling to Him, the better.

Lean on Family and Friends

When your child is seriously ill, the lifestyle that ensues becomes the "new normal." And to make the new normal work, you need help from friends and family. When my daughter is hospitalized, I still have to spend time with our other two children, make sure our middle daughter goes to school safely, and take my youngest daughter to her grandmother's house. Frequently I leave my middle daughter at our neighbor's house to wait for the bus because I need to get to work.

My sisters, mother, mother-in-law, and other family members have all extended a helping hand to us. One neighbor sent my wife dinner while she was at the hospital with our daughter. It was a small but really helpful thing. The takeaway here is that when friends and family ask, "Is there anything we can do?" tell them what you need.

Try to Be Strong for Your Wife

This one is for the dads and significant others. Whenever people see me, they are surprised at how calm I look in the face of my daughter's life-threatening illness. I must tell you that I have shed many tears, but they have usually been in private (although I did break down in front of a close friend once). My calm demeanor comes from trying to be strong for myself, and most importantly, for my wife.

No matter how much I agonize over my daughter's illness, I am not her mother, who brought her into this world and has always been first in caring for her. I can't even imagine how tough this is for my wife. So I try to be strong to keep her spirits up, give her hope, and try to ease her pain just a little bit. If I can help my wife feel better, then she can more easily do what she needs to do for our family. Moms are going through an unimaginable difficulty when their children are sick. Try to help them out as much as possible.

Give Attention to the Siblings

Naturally the entire focus of the family is going to be on the treatment and recovery of the sick child. But if there are siblings, they can easily feel left out. Make sure you keep them involved. If they are older, explain to them what is going on and encourage them to help out in whatever way possible. If they are younger, make sure you direct some of your attention to them; make sure their needs are attended to. Always remind them that you love them too.

Involve your other children with the care of their sick sibling (but only if they are emotionally up to it): Take them to the hospital, if allowed, as much as possible. Have them make "Get Well" cards; pray with them for the speedy recovery and cure of their brother or sister. And sometimes spend a special afternoon or day just with them to remind them how important they are to you.

Always Search for and Find the Silver Lining

Although it can be quite easy to focus on the negative aspects of having a sick child, take a harder look and try to find some of the positives as well. You may think, "What good could there be in my child being ill?" But there are many ways to look at it. For example, before my daughter was diagnosed, I would be paranoid about every little symptom or fever she developed. I was afraid that it would mean she had a serious illness. But now that the illness has come, it is not as scary and terrifying anymore.

We have pulled together as a family unit. It warms my heart to see how my other children are helping out. I appreciate and love my wife even more--I'm in awe of her amazing courage and faith. Whenever it seems the dark clouds are gathering, obliterating hope, try to look for the silver linings. They're always there, lighting our way.