The Prophet of Pop

Tonight was the premiere of Britney Spear’s video for her hit single “Hold It Against Me.”  The song, based on a worn out pick-up line, showcases new levels of brilliant poetry for the songstress.  I hear the other album tracks “I Lost My Phone Number, Can I Have Yours?” and “More Curves Than A Racetrack” are just as poetically innovative.  The song that dares to compare a man’s body to paradise deserves an equally brilliant video.  Did it deliver?

In a calculated promotional move the video premiered right after Jersey Shore.  While I’m sure this guaranteed more viewers, it also meant that the video has to be better than Jersey Shore.  Tough draw there Britney.  Fortunately, the video had more than enough flash and half naked people to hook viewers.

For a video focusing on dancing, the choreography seemed to be particularly dull.  There wasn’t a “signature move” to be found and there was even a sequence where they appeared to be doing the robot.  I guess it fit the futuristic setting but I thought the robot went out years ago.  Some of the fashion seemed interesting, but really, I’m a prophet so all I know are robes and beards.  The psychedelic spaceship setting reminded me of many videos by Madonna and Lady Gaga, but I don’t think I could communicate what made this one stand out.  Except for one thing…

Britney Spears kung fu fighting herself.

Yep, that was by far the most entertaining part of the video.  If it had been 3 minutes of Britney kung fu fighting herself in a spaceship with half naked men this might have been one of the best music videos ever.  Unfortunately that wasn’t the case.  “November Rain,” you are safe.  As far as the Britney Spears catalog is concerned, I would put it above “Slave 4 U” but well below her other space-themed video “Oops I Did It Again.”

Speaking of space, Jersey Shore would be a lot better on the moon.  How about it MTV?

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