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Stuff Christian Culture Likes

Stuff Christian Culture Likes

January 1970 Archives

#40 Frosted Tips

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture, gay men in rural communities, and NASCAR fans are the only demographics that continue to endorse this look.

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#39 Side Hugs

posted by Stephanie Drury

When greeting someone of the opposite sex, Christians often employ the side hug. This is an unwritten rule of greeting so that you don’t mash your naughty bits together and trigger stumbling.*

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#38 Bible Covers

posted by Stephanie Drury

Bible covers are purchased almost exclusively by Christian women aged 18 – 94. They usually have a tranquil scene or a Bible verse sewn on them.

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#37 Not Masturbating

posted by Stephanie Drury

Sometimes in youth group a guy will stand up and ask for prayer for his chronic masturbation. Accountability partners are assigned so they can keep tabs on how they’re not whacking off. The youth group leader approaches guys at church retreats and asks “Do you struggle with masturbating?”

#36 White European Jesus

posted by Stephanie Drury

All scientific evidence suggests that Jesus was actually quite swarthy, but the vast majority of images portray him as a cracker.

#35 Rachael Ray

posted by Stephanie Drury

She’s a gal on the go who combines the perkiness and wholesomeness yet absence of vulnerability that Christian culture women admire, and her recipes are great for moms with a house full of kids (see #23) and a husband who doesn’t help out that much (per their defined roles).

#34 Lock-Ins

posted by Stephanie Drury

There’s nothing quite like being literally locked into the youth group building all night with Mountain Dew, several crushes, good clean games and ministry to keep you up the whole night through.

#33 Chubby Bunny

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is a game where everyone starts horfing marshmallows and whoever can enunciate the words “chubby bunny” with the most marshmallows crammed in their mouth is the winner.

#32 Formulas

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture likes to dissect prominent Christians’ lives and figure out how they do stuff. They study what their daily life looks like, how they balance family and ministry, how many books they’ve published, and how large their churches that they founded are

#31 Astroglide

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian women give this to each other at bridal showers and as it is unwrapped they say cheerfully “It’s a married woman’s best friend!” If you find this unsettling, that feeling is valid.

#30 Chick-Fil-A

posted by Stephanie Drury

All-white meat, made by Christians, for Christians. It’s the best fast food in the free world*, too bad it’s closed on Sundays.

#29 John Calvin

posted by Stephanie Drury

Talking about John Calvin makes many Christians feel sophisticated and avant-garde. Theology students who begin required reading of Calvin fall in love with him and his four (sometimes five) spiritual laws.

#28 Success

posted by Stephanie Drury

Success. In all areas of life. As a pastor, it’s all about church size, relevance, and impact. If your church is big, you must be doing something right and you become an expert/celebrity and you speak at conferences and write books and tell people to do it your way.

#27 Fox News

posted by Stephanie Drury

The Fox network ranks A number-one with most Christians when it comes to getting their news. It is their very favorite.

#26 Innocuous Music

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians also enjoy country music, especially “new” country, and they all like Johnny Cash since he was a Christian, however gritty. They don’t like rap. Same goes for R&B and hip hop.

#25 Asking Someone “How’s Your Walk With God?”

posted by Stephanie Drury

This question is as acutely personal as asking “How’s sex with your wife?” and yet many Christians feel entitled to casually ask it of each other.

#24 Catchphrases

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture enjoys a catchy quip on a t-shirt or bumper sticker. These quips are intended to provoke and possibly shame their reader.

#23 Having Lots of Kids

posted by Stephanie Drury

You never meet a Christian culture couple who says they don’t want to have any kids. This does not occur in nature.

#22 Being Politically Conservative

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture members by and large identify themselves as Republicans. The importance of doing this seems to be on par with believing Jesus died on the cross for your sins.

#21 “Relevant” Churches

posted by Stephanie Drury

Churches need to attract people. They need to be cool. It seems they think the message of Christ’s grace is not enough on its own, it must be accompanied by worship music played to tracks, preachers who offer sermon series such as “The Pathway of Peace”, and services that last 58 minutes. (Other words in the relevant lexicon include “emergent,” “resurgent,”
“missional,” and “authentic.”)

#20 The Djembe

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians took to this drum as starved dogs to a meat wagon. With this, set-up volunteers who do not have a musical bone in their body are given a chance to contribute to the band because, come on, how hard can it be to hit a drum?

#19 Not Smoking

posted by Stephanie Drury

It is not entirely clear why smoking is so taboo in Christian culture. On one hand, Christians hold the belief that your body is the temple of God and you should not defile the temple with something unhealthy. On the other hand, Christian culture members are not known for their cardiovascular fitness.

#18 The Matrix

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians love an allegory. First Neo tells the agents he won’t bring Morpheus to them. Then Morpheus says the rules of the matrix can be bent and broken but there are consequences. Remind you of anything?

#17 Saying “Bless This Food To The Nourishment Of Our Bodies”

posted by Stephanie Drury

When praying out loud before eating in a group, members of Christian culture can’t help but to say this. They just can’t help it.

#16 Believing That America Is A Christian Nation

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is adamant that America is a Christian nation. The Constitution only mentions God and not Christ, but Christian culture very much wants our country to be Christian also.

#15 Dry humping

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is the complete inverse of waiting to kiss until your wedding day. Since you’re not technically doing it, you can still technically remain pure.

#14 Worship Teams

posted by Stephanie Drury

A worship team leads the congregation in singing worship songs while standing on a stage that has carpeted steps. They never sing traditional hymns, only songs that have been introduced into Christian culture in the last twenty or thirty years. These songs are considered by the worship team to be inspiring and appealing to Young People. The lyrics are always projected onto a big screen via projector, often in Papyrus font.

#13 Khakis

posted by Stephanie Drury

Very popular with the Christians. They’re wholesome, safe, and they go with everything.

#12 Waiting until your wedding day to kiss

posted by Stephanie Drury

Who does this? Well, a lot of Christians do. If you google it you’ll find blogs and message boards filled with accounts of people who are waiting for their wedding day to kiss someone, anyone, for the first time.

#11 The Youth Group Leader/Youth Pastor

posted by Stephanie Drury

The youth group leader is a special phenomenon. As the title suggests, he leads the high school group at churches (particularly but not exclusively at large warehouse-style churches).

#10 Pukka Shells

posted by Stephanie Drury

This necklace was popular in mainstream culture circa 1996 and became passe a year later. However, it is still alive and well in the Christian sector.

#9 Acting Happy

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture places great value on acting happy. It mandates that if you know Jesus you will know peace and joy, and it parlays these two things into acting as if everything in your life is perfect.

#7 Soul Patches

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is the new incarnation of the goatee in Christian pop culture. The goatee is quickly becoming the new mullet and this is the latest version of creative facial hair that is widely embraced among youth pastors, worship leaders and people ‘starting a ministry.’

#8 Scrapbooking

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian women love to scrapbook! They spend much of their free time away from their children doing this.

#6 Ichthus Tattoo aka The Jesus Fish

posted by Stephanie Drury

This shows your devotion to the Jesus while letting everyone know you feel you are edgy.

#5 The Princess Bride

posted by Stephanie Drury

Wherever you go, past and present members of Christian culture will be familiar with this movie, having seen it at least twelve times during youth group events or slumber parties. Good luck spending a summer working at Christian camp without hearing it quoted daily.

#4 Homeschooling

posted by Stephanie Drury

Studies show that homeschooling is preferred two to one amongst Christian culture families. They often cite a reason for homeschooling is a way to protect their kids from the world.

#3 Coldplay

posted by Stephanie Drury

For the record I don’t think Coldplay is outright shitty, I just think it is sort of uninspired yet highly listen-able. A bit like Christian culture.

#2 Sending Emails That Are Supposedly Written By Their Baby

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture sends many emails and Christmas cards that are written as if they are from a baby. This is considered funny and/or cute

#1 Day-Timers

posted by Stephanie Drury

If you see someone with a Day-Timer there is a 76% chance that they identify themselves as an evangelical Christian.

Previous Posts

auf Wiedersehen
My contract with Beliefnet is up and I'll be back on my own ad-free domain again. Beliefnet has been really lovely to me and I appreciate their letting me write whatever I want without trying to censor anything. I will be back on my blogger ...

posted 7:56:21pm Feb. 21, 2011 | read full post »

#210 Mandatory chapel at Bible college
Most Christian colleges require students to attend chapel services. Chapel is not an option, it's part of the curriculum. If you don't fulfill your chapel quota, you don't graduate. Though Christianity purports to operate under the auspices of ...

posted 7:06:31pm Feb. 11, 2011 | read full post »

#209 Perceiving persecution
Christian culture is vigilant about persecution. Jesus said being persecuted goes with the territory of following him, and some of those followers are really on the lookout. Christian culture sees persecution in all sorts of things and they ...

posted 6:16:31pm Feb. 03, 2011 | read full post »

#208 Missionary dating
When someone in Christian culture meets a delicious non-Christian they will usually assume a missionary position with them. Missionary dating is when you date a non-Christian for the express purpose of proselytizing so as to instigate their ...

posted 6:16:57pm Jan. 27, 2011 | read full post »

#207 Marrying young
Christian culture gets married young. The reason isn't entirely clear, but the general consensus is that it drastically lowers the risk of fornication. You just can't fornicate if you're married, and that takes care of that. Fornication is ...

posted 6:33:07pm Jan. 19, 2011 | read full post »

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