Before I started living, I was either bored or mad 95%of the time I was awake. Most of the it, I was mad at myself actually. How did I get here I’d ask myself. Once I decided it was possible to change, I did. Now when I’m awake, I’m really here and not just sleepwalking through life like a zombie with a bunch of lists in my mind: to-do list, along with who ticked me off, what I did wrong, what needs to change for me to be happy, all that others have or are that I cannot have or be…you know in that state everyone seemed better in some way, but a few. From that place where I didn’t understand gratitude, life looked grim, and I was just trying to get through it. Like maybe I could get by, by the skin of my teeth, and have a medium life. I would rather have no risk and no pain, keeping it safe with my heart as well as my hopes and dreams.
I had to decide the path for me. That wouldn’t cut it. I had to be free. I had to decide that path that was right for me. It continues every day. I’m never done. It’s a journey. Life is a journey. The path is not in a book or seminar, it’s the every day ordinary extraordinary. Is it easy? I don’t know? It’s focus. I make to simple for some or too completed for another probably.
What does my life look like now?
Well, this weekend was intense for some and I can feel in the collective consciousness I was not alone there. Life review stuff, what are we doing? Super Moon, Mercury Retrograde, solar flares, etc. I was aware of how I was processing it. Triggers and oldness were felt. Old stuff coming up to clear can feel like you are going backwards. Saturday night I was zonked. When my head gets swirly and my mind is full of ideas, but my Mom-side is like…yo, we tired and we gotta just let those unfolded clothes stay unfolded as we nurture ourselves with roasted chickpeas (like a massive amount), Pino Grigio & pineapple (in sensible portions) and I gazed at the moon, but just for a few moments and a fog lifted in my consciousness. This little edge I felt all day that I could blame on my kids, my Dad just getting home from the hospital, unreturned phone calls/emails/techno world communications, business stress, or normal human baloney. Truth is, I didn’t know what it was and it doesn’t matter. I rule my life. Moods come and go. Big things are ahead and life really is flowy, not on pause, as are my feelings. Trust is always the message. As true as that ball of luna magic in the sky, I stand in the wonder of my own brilliance, even when I’m not feelin’ all rockstar. Quiet excellence always dwells within.
You’re never back to square one. It’s impossible. No matter what it looks like or feels like, you’ve grown, you’ve made headway, you have gained something. Trust that. Head held high, walk on. You’re exactly where you need to be and nothing has gone wrong. You are okay. :clapping for you:: I’m right there with you.
Triggers are a ticket to freedom. The victim self in us tries to take us on a painful journey to the past and tell you old stories, and will even try to catapult you into a terrible future of the same, based on “alleged” new evidence that is always flawed and colored with a dirty lens for perspective. Even if you fall for it momentarily, for hours, or months, you can always jump off that train cause it doesn’t move fast…in fact it doesn’t move AT ALL! It’s all illusion. It really has tracks built on mud, but your mind races so fast in regret or worry, it only thinks it’s actually moving forward. Take a deep breath, center in the present moment, and you are released from your own shackles. You are not a victim. You are a powerful being of love. Do you feel that? I share my journey authentically and keep it real so others will not feel alone in the process.
Waking up this Monday morning, I realized needed extra sleep and slept nine hours, but for a few minutes early to nurse my baby. I love waking up and everything is brand new, even though nothing has physically changed that I can see. It’s a trust that things are always glorious underneath the surface and morphing into something even greater. This is my knowing. In years past, I woke up with a cloak of shame as if I’d already done something wrong and was going to get in trouble. Life felt heavy. I told myself a lot of lies and stories about bad me, limitations, mistakes, regrets, and attracted victim situations where I had no power or control over circumstances. Through my journey, I broke free and awakened to my truth. All the BS fell away, to reveal Divine me, who was never disconnected for even one brief moment in my darkest of despair. The Universe, the cosmic Love & Light was always in the undercurrent of my existence, no matter how dim it looked. I was never broken, just looking in the wrong places for happiness. I thought I had to be rescued, read every book or try one last program to fix me and patch the hole, and they were all good, but I had to flip on my own switch within. I had to turn on peace, love, and joy within, through self-love. I saw my wholeness. This is what I teach. To clients, customers, and in my upcoming projects, I want to uplift, empower, and inspire. You are already perfect, peeps. Ahh…take that in. You are perfectly you. Now, let the rest go. Put on your robe of gratitude and look for the magic and miracles. Have a fabulous week filled with blessings of all good things. Allow them. You deserve it.
Walk your own path.
Know your own truth.
Trust your connection always.
Listen to the words written in your own soul.