Sassy Spirit

Sassy Spirit


Mama Heart

posted by jperry

I recently went to see the movie A Fault in Our Stars.

Why would I watch a sad cancer movie? Aren’t I all about good vibes? My teenage daughter wanted to see it, so of course I went to see it. It was so good!
My mama heart felt it so intensely. And my 18 year old self that met my hubby all those years ago felt that falling in love feeling and the thought of losing it.
It’s always worth the risk of loving and of losing it somehow, in some way.

I won’t give anything away, but the acting was impeccable.  So many themes about pain, emotional and physical. love in its truest sense, and how we want to be remembered in life.  I’ll watch it again and get even more of it.  I left with a sense of peace when it was over.  In the middle of the movie though, I stepped outside to text my son who was seeing the same movie with friends a half an hour away.  Trying to figure out how he was getting home when he said it was all taken care of.   I tried to firm up plans the day before but that’s not what happened. Of course, my son didn’t text me back, but I had to trust he was okay.  Times like that when I wish I could make the world all good for him.  He just finished seventh grade today and I wish I could bubble wrap him.  My oldest daughter is taking her driver’s test to get her license on Monday, which is her seventeenth birthday.  I don’t know how we got here.  But I need to learn to trust on a deeper level.  Fear arises as growth accelerates.  This is how my personal journey goes, spiritually, and as the mother of five kids.  Deep breath and do not go to worse-case scenarios.

I swear my heart was not formed with the protective outer shell that many people have.  I have always been sensitive, compassion, and empathetic.  My mama bear heart.  She can’t watch anything with sick kids or where they are hurt in any way.  Her and my wounded child within can scare the crap outta me, if I let them have the steering wheel of my life.  And really, no amount of worry will ever form as a protective barrier against life.

Sometimes I need to quiet my little girl fears, in moments of joy as it sucker punches me and jumps out out of closets like the boogeyman. Like splinter that I just can’t find or else if yank it out. In those gray hair making moments of wondering how I can make things safe and forevermore make my kids happy and healthy, that my husband will be sipping tea with me in our old age, rocking on the chairs hand-in-hand with twinkling eyes at each other. I’ve made many plea bargains with God that I’d never need a new pair of heels if I could assure my kids would never suffer a woe. I had to let go of that and stop making my Divine connection tainted. It remains pure and I stay in gratitude.

I will still dream big. I will not play small, not for fear of daring to reach for even more greatness, means I would have more to lose.  I will trust.  I will release my fears, worries, doubts, guilts, regrets, shames, and all those uncomfortable parts of my humanness and hand them over to the Divine.  All I can do is trust, keep flying, trusting the Universe will provide the gentle breeze to guide me along my journey.



Previous Posts

Food Love
They say it's not healthy to love food, but I do. I guess it's healthy to love celery...but does anyone really LOVE celery? Maybe there is someone. Even as a healthy chick, I still love cheese fries. But a healthy love, not a negative one. I'm picky about which place I get them from and know I can't

posted 4:33:52pm Sep. 11, 2014 | read full post »

Raise Your Vibe, Change Your Life
It's easy to complain. I can fall into that trap as a mom especially.  When we're on that complaining, love vibe channel, we see a bunch of crap come on our screen.  Everything is broken.  Everything needs to be fixed.  It's exhausting.  Everything is.  At the end of the summer, I was burnt ou

posted 5:17:55pm Sep. 09, 2014 | read full post »

What does a strong women look like?
We're all used to seeing strong women portrayed on television. She's fighting crime. She's tough. She doesn't like people to get too close to her.  Softness equals weakness.  That's good and all for entertainment, but for me I see strength differently. I have many friends who embody strength to

posted 5:43:18pm Sep. 05, 2014 | read full post »

I Pray for the Schools
Three of my children start school tomorrow here in New Jersey. So much has changed since I was a kid. I am not a person who hates on how things are, but as a mom, I can wish for the feeling of innocence we all had when I was in in the second grade. My oldest starts her Senior year of high school (cu

posted 8:28:06pm Sep. 03, 2014 | read full post »

What will September bring?
Today is the last day of August and also the last day of the week. What magic will it bring?  Tomorrow is the first day of September and I am so excited. I'm ready for change.  I will so miss the freedom of lazy summer days of no schedule but my kids need more structure.  I feel that shift.  I d

posted 1:33:37am Sep. 01, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.