Parenting on Purpose

Parenting on Purpose

Letting Your Child Have Sex In Your Home?

posted by srballantine

 

Bigstock Photos

Bigstock Photos

You think you’ve prepared your child for their teen years, at least to the best of your ability. Perhaps you have talked about sex, relationships and how they fit in to their young lives. Your child may even have agreed with you at the time and you felt a deep sense of relief that all would be well. Then one day your teen comes home and broaches the subject of wanting to have a sleepover with someone of the opposite sex.

Whether you are a progressive parent or one with more conservative views, the subject of your teen having sex may be a sensitive one. Not just having sex, but also having sex under your roof. You may think your teen is sexually active, or know for sure, but it can feel very different when faced with it being in your home. Some experts say the safest place for kids to have sex is at home, as the alternatives generally involve the backseat of a car, a park or some other creative location. It can create great anxiety thinking your child is “out there” somewhere having sex. But are you willing to host the situation?

Studies show that sex is important to teens and they’re going to have sex with or without your approval. The question you may be faced with is how close you want the scenario. The time to give serious thought to your feelings and values may be before the subject ever comes up so you can feel confident in your decision.

Some big questions to consider if your teen wants a sleepover:

~How does your child regard having sex at home? Ask them if they would really be comfortable with it.

~ How will you feel once it’s actually happening? It’s important to explore if it will feel traumatic for you.

~ Does it matter if your child is in a committed relationship or not? Determine if you’ll feel more comfortable one way or another.

~ Do you know the person your teen wants to bring over? Decide if this is part of your criteria in order to say yes.

~ Do you feel confident your teen has a firm grasp on safe sex? Be sure your child is well versed on methods, which protect them from unwanted pregnancy and disease.

~ Is it important to you, that the parent of the other teen be aware of a sleepover? Ask your teen if they have been made aware of the situation.

~ Will you regret your decision, be it a yes or a no to their request? Make any decision listening to your Internal Guidance System.

You may face many sensitive situations over the course of your child’s teenage years. As you are asking yourself questions that help you make choices, be sure and teach your teen to do the same.

Please feel free to comment.

© 2014. Sharon Ballantine. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

Raising Kids Free of Parents’ Fears

posted by srballantine
Bigstock Photos

Bigstock Photos

Many people have strong fears based on experiences that have happened in their lives. You can be aware of your fears and understand that these fears are totally irrational, while still having them. Naturally, you don’t want to pass these emotions on to your children; so, you work hard at hiding these fears from your kids.

Unfortunately, this isn’t always effective. Your kids are very sensitive to your vibration and you can pass on your fears without even realizing it. Sometimes your kids will mirror the exact same fear that you have, and in other cases, they may just feel your energy. This can lead to different issues that cause them undue stress and anxiety.

For example, I knew a woman who was very afraid of water. She had a traumatic event in her own childhood where she nearly drowned. She never learned to swim and over the years this fear became quite debilitating.

When she became a mother herself, she recognized that this fear was holding her back, and she didn’t want to saddle her daughter with a fear that would keep her from experiencing joy. Yet, the fear was there. Despite suggestions that she get her daughter in the pool as soon as possible, she could not let go of her own fear.

It was several years before she enrolled her daughter in swimming lessons with a trusted instructor. Even though the mother never verbally told her daughter of her experience or her fear, she sent very strong non-verbal and energetic cues to the youngster. By this time, the child had developed an even greater fear of the water than her mother.
The instructor had one rule for the mother: she was not allowed on the pool deck while her daughter was having her lessons. By physically separating the two, the girl was immersed in positive energy from the instructor without experiencing the conflicting energy from her mother.

Even then, it took a long time and a lot of patience in order to eliminate the fear of water that her daughter was experiencing, too. Eventually, the girl not only got over her fear, but she genuinely enjoyed playing in the pool with friends. She even became an excellent competitive swimmer.

One of the most important elements of the daughter’s success was a shift in energy. The daughter was exposed to a lot of positive energy over time. Of course the mother retained her fearful energy, which stretched out the process, but eventually, she even became more comfortable as she saw her daughter was safe and having fun.

Rather than passing on your fears, you can take a lesson from this swim instructor. Of course it’s wonderful when you can get over your own fears; wonderful for yourself and for your children, but sometimes that seems impossible, as it was for the mother in the example.

Whenever you feel fear sneaking up on you, these exercises may be helpful:

* Take nice, deep breaths, and visualize a simple balance scale. Imagine placing your fear on one side of the scale, and watch how the tray falls.

* Think about things that fill you with joy and positive energy. Whether it’s the sound of your child’s laughter, a good book, rainbows, etc., place those items on the other side of the scale.

* Keep adding more and more positive thoughts to the scale and soon the fear side seems to weigh nothing at all.
This is a practice in positive visualization and intent.

Practice this exercise often and you will be amazed at how much more relaxed both you and your children are.

Next, consciously surround yourself and your children with as much positive energy as possible. Perhaps you do this through playing, uplifting music, or by actively engaging in some of the things you visualized placing on the positive side of the scale.

The more often your children experience this positive energy, the more it outweighs your personal fear energy, and your children will be uplifted as a result. They will be free of your fears and anxieties, which will help them to grow into happy, healthy adults.

Your comments are welcome.
© 2014. Sharon Ballantine. All Rights Reserved.

 

Tips For Teaching Kids A Positive Money Attitude

posted by srballantine

Family Drawing Money House Clothes And Video Game Symbol On The

Children spend most of their young lives watching their parents spend money. Every household may value their money in different ways, but it is very important for children to learn how money fits into their lifestyle. Perhaps a child is observing their family spend large quantities of dollars or is living in a family where money is tight. The attitudes their parents have toward money and their financial situation will affect what their children believe about money in their own lives later on.

There is no right or wrong way to teach your child about money, only that you impart an appreciation for having whatever they may have, and some direction on how to use it and save it. I found that the same lessons had a different affect on each of my children. Their own personalities dictated whether they would have a tendency to spend much of their money or hold on to it, but I hoped my guidance had a positive effect.

Examining your own beliefs is a good place to start when teaching your kids about money.

What was your financial situation growing up and is what you experienced what you would like to impart to your kids?

Do you value what money allows you to have? Do you see money as the “root of all evil” or as a valuable tool?

Are you listening to what you are saying to yourself and others about money?

Once you examine your beliefs, you can start to make a deliberate choice about how you would like your children to view money.

 

Tips for helping your children have a positive attitude toward money.

~ Give them an allowance that is theirs to spend however they choose to.

~ Encourage but don’t force them to save a portion of their allowance for something they want later on.

~ Allow them to experience spending all of their own money without hurrying to replace it. This teaches budgeting.

~ Show your children that you have an appreciation for whatever financial situation you are in.

~ If you experience lack in your financial abundance, don’t complain about it to your kids.

~ When talking to your children about money or referring to money in their presence, keep the dialogue positive.

~ Listen to what your children are saying in regards to money, these are important clues.

~ Encourage a continuing dialogue with your kids about money. Have it be a safe subject for them to broach.

So often our children adopt our attitudes and perspectives, whether we want them to or not. Being deliberate and conscientious about what you say about money and what they see you live, may determine how they view their own abundance later on. Keep the conversations positive and uplifting so they create their own lives with a positive perspective about money.

Your comments are welcome.

© 2014.  Sharon Ballantine.  All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letting Kids Create Their Own Dynasty

posted by srballantine

Little girl looking into a telescope in the mountainsIt is essential that as a parent, you remember that your children are not miniature versions of you — even though it may seem like it sometimes. While they mirror many of your traits, your children are still their own unique beings with unique perspectives, ideas, and desires.

It can be easier when your kids appear to want to do the things that you enjoy. It might even feel flattering that they want to be like you. Certainly some children will absolutely want to be like their mother or father. For some, it may only last while they’re very young. Other kids will continue to follow in your footsteps throughout school and some may even choose the same career path.

While this is great if it’s within your son or daughter’s natural inclination, you may need to make an effort to encourage them to take their own paths rather than encourage them to follow in your footsteps if they are resisting it. If it is truly in their hearts to be doctors, lawyers, or circus performers like their Mom or Dad, they will make this conscious decision on their own.

The biggest benefit for kids and parents alike is that is if they do take after their parents, they have done so on their own terms. Some great family business partnerships are achieved between the parent and adult children this way.

If you assume or insist your children will want to take over the family business, then you may not be allowing them to follow what fuels their spirits. Of course, it may be disappointing to you if your child wants no part in the family dynasty.

However, when you focus on letting your kids listen to their Internal Guidance System to select their career paths, school choices, or even their clothing, you’re creating a more important dynasty. You’re creating a family filled with happy, successful individuals leading lives that speak to them.

At times, your kids may try to test your resolve to let them determine what classes they should take or what career path they should follow. There may be moments when it seems they want you to make the decisions for them. They may even actually ask you to choose for them.

In the moment, it may seem easier to both of you to just take over, but your job as parents is to give your kids wings and the tools to learn how to fly on their own.
This includes sometimes making difficult choices, so in the event that your kids try to push your button by making a choice they believe you won’t approve of or want you to manage their life choices, don’t give in. Take the opportunity to coach your kids to check in with their IGS to get the answer.

How often have you at some point in your life, wondered about what you’re meant to be doing? After all, this is one of life’s most fundamental questions:
“What is my purpose?”

By encouraging your kids to try different things, to follow their hearts rather than expectations, you’re less apt to hear this question come from their lips. That’s a dynasty anyone can live with.

Your comments are welcome.

© 2014.  Sharon Ballantine.  All Rights Reserved.

Previous Posts

Letting Your Child Have Sex In Your Home?
  You think you’ve prepared your child for their teen years, at least to the best of your ability. Perhaps you have talked about sex, relationships and how they fit in to their young lives. Your child

posted 2:12:55pm Sep. 19, 2014 | read full post »

Raising Kids Free of Parents' Fears
Many people have strong fears based on experiences that have happened in their lives. You can be aware of your fears and understand that these fears are totally irrational, while still having them. Naturally, yo

posted 4:30:24pm Sep. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Tips For Teaching Kids A Positive Money Attitude
Children spend most of their young lives watching their parents spend money. Every household may value their money in different ways, but it is very important for children to learn how money fits into their lifestyle. Perhaps a child is observing their family spend large quantities of dollars or is

posted 7:57:38pm Sep. 13, 2014 | read full post »

Letting Kids Create Their Own Dynasty
It is essential that as a parent, you remember that your children are not miniature versions of you -- even though it may seem like it sometimes. While they mirror many of your traits, your children are still their own unique beings with unique perspectives, ideas, and desires. It can be easier w

posted 11:16:45pm Sep. 11, 2014 | read full post »

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