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Oh My Stars

(Scene: The baby’s room in a suburban home. DAD stands over the crib where BABY LUNA is crying. DAD looks completely exhausted and defeated. MOM, looking like she’s at the end of her rope as well, enters.)

MOM: Any luck?

DAD: (Signs loudly) Still can’t get her to settle down. I’ve tried everything. Fed her, changed her, played with her, burped her, walked around and bounced her while singing that song that usually works…

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MOM: I hate that song.

DAD: Yeah but sometimes it works

MOM: You gave her Mr Snuggle Bunny?

DAD: Had a little Bunny therapy. Still nothing.

MOM: I called my Mom about this. She basically said “that’s how it goes with babies sometimes.”

DAD: I called my Mom too. She said the same thing.

MOM: (Puzzled) Hey… wait a second… do you hear that?

DAD: What?

MOM: She’s quiet now

(BABY LUNA is now lying quietly in her crib and slowly starting to drift off.)

DAD: Finally! Whatever it was, she must have just gotten too tired.

MOM: Let’s go back to bed.

(They leave. A few minutes later BABY LUNA sits up and looks around the empty room.)

LUNA: (Speaking in an upper-class English accent) Actually — I’m not that tired. But I wanted to be fed, changed, be bounced to the tune of some college rock, played with, and to spend some time with Mr Snuggly Bunny, then to see both my parents at once. I’m still awake, Mom and Dad, but I’ll cut you some slack for now. For now. Sorry I couldn’t tell you these things outright, but I have no vocabulary for that sort of thing.

DAD: (In the distance) …Did you hear something?

MOM: Absolutely not. Come to bed.

(BABY LUNA lies back down. After a long pause she speaks again.)

LUNA: Now I’m thirsty. (starts crying)

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