Mark D. Roberts

Mark D. Roberts

How Can I Forgive Someone Who Doesn’t Admit to Having Done Anything Wrong?

With this post I am finishing my series: What To Do If Someone Sins Against You: The Teaching of Jesus. You can find this whole series in logical order here, if you wish.

Let me review the basic steps outlined by Jesus in Matthew 18:15-18:

Step 1: Go and privately point out the fault to the wrongdoer.
   If Step 1 is successful, you have won back the offender.
   If Step 1 is not successful and the offender won’t listen to you, go to Step 2.
Step 2: Go again with one or two witnesses.
   If Step 2 is successful, you have won back the offender.
   If Step 2 is not successful and the offender won’t listen to you and the witnesses, go to
   Step 3.
Step 3: Tell it to the gathered Christian assembly (or, in many churches, to the authorities who handle church discipline).
   If Step 3 is successful, you have won back the offender.
   If Step 3 is not successful and the offender won’t listen to you and the witnesses, go to
   Step 4.
Step 4: Let the unrepentant sinner be to you and your Christian community “as a Gentile and a tax collector,” that is, as an outsider.
   But always be read to welcome back this person if he or she repents.


At any stage in this process, if the person being confronted admits his or her fault, then it is essential for the individual who was on the receiving end of the offense to forgive the offender.

But what happens if the offender is unwilling to admit to having done anything wrong? What should you do if you go through the process established by Jesus, but the end result is not an admission of sin? Can we forgive someone who doesn’t repent? Should we?

One way to answer this question would be to point to psychological studies of forgiveness and unforgiveness. They show, basically, that forgiveness is essential for the emotional health of the one who forgives. If you have been deeply hurt by your parents, for example, and you carry this hurt with you throughout your life without ever forgiving, it’s highly likely that you will inhibit your own emotional health, even your physical health. Unforgiveness is like a cancerous tumor within us that needs to be removed.


For those of us who are biblically-oriented, a more compelling case for this kind of forgiveness comes from Scripture itself. There are many passages in the Bible the call us to forgive. None of these adds, “if the one who offended you is sorry.” For example, in Mark 11:25 Jesus says, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.” This passage says nothing about what the offender thinks or feels. Rather, it connects your own forgiveness by God with the forgiveness you give to someone else.

This can seem very odd to us, partly because we have a hazy or even wrong-headed understanding of forgiveness. What is forgiveness? At the risk of being simplistic, let me say that forgiveness is giving over to God the wrong done to you. It’s saying to God, “Okay, Lord, I’m not going to hold onto this offense any more. I’m surrendering it to you.” Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Though it usually leads to feeling better, forgiveness generally comes prior to feeling better. When I forgive I say to the Lord, “God, this person really hurt me. But I’m giving it all to you. I do not want this offense to be a breach in relationship any further. I will not harbor it my soul. Here you go, Lord, here’s the hurt.” (Photo: Another moving portrayal of forgiveness in Bartolomé Murillo’s “Return of the Prodigal Son,” 1667-70.)



I want to make sure you understand what Jesus is not asking us to do in forgiving. First, he’s not asking us to say “That’s okay.” Forgiveness isn’t saying that what was done to you is okay. In fact, forgiveness assumes that it was not okay. Only real wrongs need to be forgiven. Second, Jesus is not asking us necessarily to understand why somebody did something wrong. Yes, this can help us let go of our hurt feelings sometimes, but forgiveness is choosing before God to let go of the offense, even if you don’t understand why the offender did it. Forgiveness is deciding that you won’t get even, that you won’t punish the offender either through your actions or inactions. Third, Jesus is not asking us to pretend as if the hurt has completely disappeared. This sort of healing process takes time, and forgiveness contributes to the healing, but it’s not the same as feeling better. Fourth, forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, though it is almost always part of reconciliation. Forgiving someone is giving the offense and hurt to God. You can do this no matter what the offending party does. Reconciliation, on the contrary, requires that the other person own the wrong and repent of it. Reconciliation, therefore, is dependent on the other person. Forgiveness is not.


The command to forgive is a very hard command to obey, isn’t it? If someone has really hurt us, the last thing we want to do is to forgive. We’d much rather hang onto our pain as a means of self-protection. We’d much rather grovel in self-pity than regain relationship with the offender. Yet Jesus couldn’t be much clearer. He says that if you have anything against anyone – and that’s pretty inclusive, don’t you think? Anything against anyone! – you should forgive. Period.

Now I know that many of us have a hard time forgiving. Forgiveness is scary because it means taking down the walls that protect us, and we’re understandably afraid to do this.

So what should you do if forgiveness doesn’t come easily for you? For an answer to this question I turn to Ephesians 4:32-5:2. This passage reads:

[B]e kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.


Notice the close connection here between your forgiving others and your experience of God’s forgiveness. On the one hand, you are to forgive in the same way that God has forgiven you in Christ. On the other hand, your experience of God’s forgiveness empowers you to forgive others. The more you realize the magnitude of God’s forgiveness for you, the more you will be a forgiving person. Show me an unforgiving person, and I’ll show you someone who hasn’t experienced very much of God’s grace. Conversely, show me someone who forgives readily, and I’ll show you someone who has been baptized in God’s gracious forgiveness.

In conclusion, I would say, “Yes, you can and should forgive one who has sinned against you, even if that person will not admit the offense. This is consistent with biblical teaching and it is essential for your own well being.” Having said this, however, I am not suggesting that such forgiveness is easy. When the offense is great, forgiveness comes slowly, with great difficulty, and always with lots of help from the Holy Spirit. If you find yourself in a position of needing for forgive one who has wronged you but will not admit the offense, I’d encourage you to take this to the Lord and also to at least one other wise, mature Christian who can help you work through your feelings and responses in a healthy, Christ-like way. 

  • Your Name

    Thanking God and you for this series – it has been a help and an encouragement. God bless you, Mark, we are praying for you.

  • Pat

    “Show me an unforgiving person, and I’ll show you someone who hasn’t experienced very much of God’s grace.”
    You’ll also usually find someone who is very hardened and bitter.

  • Paul D. Adams

    “Yes, you can and should forgive one who has sinned against you, even if that person will not admit the offense. This is consistent with biblical teaching and it is essential for your own well being.”
    Hum…Sorry Dr. Roberts…cannot go with you on this one.
    Have you read Chris Brauns’ work Unpacking Forgiveness?
    If interested, see my summary, related posts here.

  • MShep

    I find much of what you have written to be very good, but I do have a problem with a few things.
    First, not all believers agree with your interpretation of this subject. To pretend that they have no biblical support is at best naïve. You said:
    “There are many passages in the Bible the call us to forgive. None of these adds, “if the one who offended you is sorry.'”
    None? What about Luke 17:3-4, “’Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, “I repent,” you shall forgive him.’” And 1 John 1:9 says that our sins are forgiven IF we confess them (agree with God about them). Also, your quoting of Matt. 18:15-18 disagrees with this. If the person refuses to repent, but you forgive him, then what is the reason for putting him out of the church?
    Second, your definition of “forgiveness” confuses giving up angry, bitter thoughts and seeking revenge with biblical forgiveness. When we forgive we must follow the Biblical principles of forgiveness found in Luke 17:3-4 (brother sins – he repents – comes and asks forgiveness – you forgive), Eph. 4:32 (forgive as God forgave us – we first repented, asked God for forgiveness, then God forgave) 1 John 1:9 (agree with God about your sin – He forgives our sin and cleanses us from all unrighteousness), and other verses. If we don’t, we cause problems both for the “forgiver” and the “forgivee.”
    First, the forgiver: the Bible has given us principles to follow when someone has done wrong to us in Matt. 5:24, Matt. 18:15-18, Gal. 6:1, etc. If we have been wronged and do not follow these principles in regards to other Christians, we are doing them no kindness. They need to face their sin and repent of it, not just be “forgiven.” It is the easy way out (“oh, it’s no problem, I just forgave him”) but it allows other Christians to remain in sin (sometimes unknowingly) without confrontation for the purpose of reconciliation.
    Also, it is important to follow the Biblical forgiveness process in cases where someone has sinned for the sake of the forgiver and the forgivee: 1. offender sins; 2. person offended confronts this person; 3. offender repents of sin and apologizes; 4. the offended person then forgives him (verbally). This last step is very important for the forgiver since it marks his obligation to forgive someone who truly repents. Some, when they are asked, “Will you forgive me,” will say something like “no need for forgiveness,” “oh, I’ve already forgotten about that,” or “I have already forgiven you.” This breaks the forgiveness process and does not produce the true reconciliation demanded by the Bible (2 Cor. 5:18-19).
    It also can create some very difficult problems in our obligations to other people in the world around us: if you unilaterally forgive the rapist, thief, or murderer you may feel you have no obligation to report this to the authorities and in the end cause rape, robbery or murder to happen to someone else.
    Secondly, improper forgiveness hurts the offender. It allows him to continue in sin (sometimes unknowingly) without being made to face what he has done and how it affects his relationship with God and others, it does not allow the Matt. 18 principles to work in his life, and it short-circuits the confrontation-repentance-reconciliation process outlined by the Bible. Why should the offender apologize and ask for forgiveness if he has already been forgiven?
    John3:16 says, “God so loved the world” or as some translate it, “This is how God loved the world.” God loves us with His infinite love and yet doesn’t forgive us until we repent and ask for forgiveness. Not forgiving someone who has not repented ? being unloving, doing bad to someone, cursing someone or refusing to pray for someone. We can love and be ready to forgive a person who has done the worst things to us but this does not necessitate that we forgive him until he has repented.
    This is what God does: He is merciful to all, even those who reject Him and refuse to repent and accept Christ as Savior. However even though God loves an unsaved person, is merciful to him, and provides him with many blessings, he will still die and go to hell if he does not repent of His sin, ask God for forgiveness and accept Christ as Savior.

  • Mark D. Roberts

    Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
    I must admit I’m rather stunned to hear someone with obvious biblical sense argue that we can only forgive someone who repents. If this is true, and if people who wrong us don’t repent, then I guess this means we are free if not obligated not to forgive. So then you are arguing that Christians should, in fact, not forgive certain people. We only forgive those who repent.
    But this, it seems to me, is to wade into dangerous waters. Consider these biblical texts:
    Matt. 6:14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; 15 but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
    Mark 11:25   “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”
    Are you suggesting that Jesus forgot to mention that we’re only to forgive those who have repented?
    To be sure, in Luke 17:3-4, Jesus says that we should forgive the one who repents. But it is wrong to derive from this a limitation on forgiveness, as in, “Forgive only the one who repents.”
    My concern about the interpretation suggested in the last two comments is two-fold. First, I think it misses the clear teaching of Jesus about forgiveness. Second, I fear that Christians who believe they should only forgive those who repent run the risk of wounding their own souls with unforgiveness.
    Many of the concerns expressed by the last two commenters are addressed in earlier parts of this series. My advice concerning forgiving someone who will not repent (or cannot because he or she is not alive) can only be understood in light of what I’ve said about Jesus’ teaching related to confrontation and reconciliation. Thus, I am largely in agreement with the expressed concerns of the last two commenters, as the bulk of the series makes clear.

  • Truth Unites… and Divides

    Hi Pastor Roberts:
    What do you think of Tim Challies comment:
    “To summarize it simply: We are to model God’s forgiveness; God forgives conditionally; there we are to forgive conditionally.”
    Read it all here at: Forgiveness: Conditional or Unconditional?.

  • Mark D. Roberts

    I am completely in agreement with Tim (and others) who find much of the talk about forgiveness in today’s world to be shallow and unbiblical. So, on the whole, I appreciate what Tim and co. are trying to say.
    However, Tim’s syllogism begs all sorts of questions and is, I fear, a very risky thing to say if one wants to follow the whole of Scriptural teaching. There are many passages that call us to forgive without mentioning the need for the recipient to repent. One needs to ask how we are to forgive in God’s way, what this means. We can’t simply assume that it means the recipient must repent.
    Moreover, we must ask: What is the main condition for God’s forgiveness? It is God’s own sacrifice for us, the death of the Son of God for sinners. This is, above all, the model we are to emulate. So it makes me very nervous to talk about conditional forgiveness, unless one is also willing to say that we should give our lives for those who have wronged us, and do so before they have repented. After all, Christ died for us when we were sinners and God’s enemies (Rom 5:1-10). So, if one is going to say that God forgives conditionally, one needs first of all to say that Christ freely and graciously gave up his life for sinners way before they repented.
    My sense is that there is confusion here about the nature of forgiveness, as well as a proper concern about the way forgiveness is treated in our society. But, given what Jesus says about forgiveness, I would be very, very hesitant to tell someone that they should not forgive somebody who wronged them unless that person repented. Do we really want to tell people they can be unforgiving in certain situations? Is this obedient to Scripture? Is it honoring to God? Is it healthy for people?

  • Mark D. Roberts

    A further comment.
    In the story of the healing of the paralytic in Mark 2, Jesus forgives the man’s sins (taking the place of God) without any indication that the man had repented. You can read it into the text, but this is called eisegesis and is to be avoided.
    In Mark 6:15, Jesus says that if we don’t forgive others, the Father will not forgive us. He does not qualify this in any way, adding, “if they repent.” Do we really want to not forgive others?
    In Luke 23:34, Jesus asks the Father to forgive those who are crucifying him. Nothing suggests that they have repented. True, Jesus says they don’t know what they’re doing. But in asking them to be forgiven, he assumes that they are sinning. If Jesus prayed this way, doesn’t this model for us how we are to forgive others?

  • Truth Unites… and Divides

    Pastor Roberts,
    Personally, I find it much healthier for me to forgive regardless of whether the other party is repentant. Of course, I greatly prefer that they are sorrowful and repentant, but that sometimes doesn’t happen. C’est la vie. Forgive anyways and move on. Life’s too short.
    Having said that, let me ask you this: There are folks who die rejecting Christ, rejecting to be covered by the Blood of Christ and rejecting to be forgiven of their sins. Their destination is Hell.
    God did not forgive them.
    From this sinner’s perspective, God can do whatever He wants or pleases, and He is perfectly Holy in whatever He does. I hope I’m not sinning by forgiving those whom He ultimately condemns to Hell.

  • Truth Unites… and Divides

    Pastor Roberts,
    Can the outworking and practice of forgiveness ever be a sin? Can there be such a thing as too much forgiveness? So much so that it becomes culpable sin?
    For example, suppose a boy rapes a girl. The girl and her family forgive the boy and refuse to press charges. If they had, the boy would have gone to jail. Instead the boy goes on to rape 3 other girls and they each become pregnant, and all of them abort the unborn baby.
    Another example. Suppose a murderer/rapist/or pedophile is released due to a liberal mindset of rehabilitation and forgiveness for criminals. The murderer/rapist/or pedophile goes on to commit more crimes on the outside because of the liberal mindset of rehabilitation and forgiveness for criminals.
    You can imagine other instances and examples. So let me repeat: Can the outworking and practice of forgiveness ever be a sin? Can there be such a thing as too much forgiveness? So much so that it becomes culpable sin?

  • Truth Unites… and Divides

    Couple of other thoughts:
    (1) Suppose God commanded total genocide. The leader forgives some women and children who were supposed to be killed and does not have them killed. Is this merciful forgiveness a sin?
    (2) The church of Laodicea is lukewarm. Suppose they are lukewarm because they are very forgiving of heresy and apostasy and blasphemy in the church. Is this forgiveness a sin?

  • Mark D. Roberts

    Let me respond to aspects of the comments/questions by “Truth Unities…And Divides.”
    First, I appreciate the thoughtfulness and tone of the questions/comments. This makes for an edifying conversation.
    Second, I cannot envision a scenario in which forgiveness is a sin, especially given biblical teaching that calls us to forgive. (Of course if the Bible actually teaches us to forgive only when people have repented, then it would be possible for forgiveness to be a sin. But I’m not accepting the premise, at least not at this point.)
    I think there’s a confusion between forgiveness and justice. If a man rapes a woman, she should forgive him, at least according to biblical teaching, as I understand it. This may take a long period of time and lots of divine help, of course. But forgiveness would not mean that justice should not be served. It’s fully possible, and I would argue right, for someone to say: “I forgive you, but you still need to be held legally accountable for your crime.” Forgiveness does not wipe away the need for justice. Similarly, the kind of “liberal mindset” you describe has little to do with biblical forgiveness. Jesus did not instruct us with respect to societies or governments “forgiving” criminals. Rather, he instructed us about how we are to forgive each other in our personal relationships.
    If God commands something, it should be done. Period.
    When you speak of Laodicea being “forgiving of heresy and apostasy and blasphemy,” you seem to be using “forgive” in a non-biblical way. You’re using “forgive” in the sense of “tolerate.” It is wrong for a church to tolerate heresy, apostasy, and blasphemy. Even if a church were to forgive people who teach heresy, etc., this does not mean it should put up with falsehood. The heretic should be removed from a place of leadership, and, if there is no repentance, from the church.
    Enough for now. Thanks again for your comments.

  • joan franklin

    Before we judge others, which we are all so quick to do, make sure that the plank has been removed from our eyes b/c God will not forgive us for being so critical of others when the same complaint is against us. Be careful. Yes, we must REPENT before God and/or human authority (church leadership/headship) first and ask the person whom we have hurt for forgiveness first but sometimes it becomes hard for a person because they too have been hurt and have not dealt with their own pain. We need to cleanse ourselves of any guilt, then go and ask forgiveness from those we have hurt before we expect others to forgive us.

  • Colleen Butler

    This article seems to focus the approach to someone who is a Christian and in the church.
    What about the process for forgiving someone who is not in the church and has no remorse?

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Sandra

    “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” The text is from Luke 23:34.

    Note: It didn’t say, “Father, forgive them for they KNOW what they do and it is sin.” Jesus was appealing to God for his murderers because they were ignorant of the sin of their actions. However, in today’s world, there are many people who…{in the words of a victim of an unrepenant sinner–conclusion drawn by a child}:

    “A one-time molestation at age 10 reinforced, for me, what I had already learned all too well: that the world is a scary place because there are people who don’t mind hurting others, for no reason.”

    Forgiveness must be conditional in the case where the sinner is well aware and unrepented of the evil of his/her action(s). If not, the victim is placing his/her well being in jeopardy. The message that sends across is– You can sin knowingly and willingly and expect to be forgiven just because it is written so. If you are not, it is due to the sinfulness of the unforgiving party.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Sandra

    Let me take it one step further…

    By telling God to forgive evil actions done in ignorance [“FOR they know not what they do”]…I assume that Jesus Christ would NOT HAVE expected his Father to forgive evil actions done with full comprehension and without remorse.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Steve

    Hi Pastor Mark,

    I’ve enjoyed reading your posts as well as the many comments. There is another scenario that is perhaps a little more complicated.

    Suppose someone has wronged you, and you wish to ‘reconcile’ and offer forgiveness. However, the other person believes that you were the one in the wrong and sees him/herself as being in the right.

    Any approach to that person for the purpose of reconciliation and offering of forgiveness will (presumably) be met with hostility and the expectation that you yourself will apologize and ask for forgiveness.

    It is inappropriate to desire reconciliation – particularly between two brothers in Christ? Or, said another way, is it appropriate for a fractured relationship between two Christians to remain unmended?

    If it is not right for such a fracture to remain, then…

    Is it appropriate to approach that person in such a ways as to seek forgiveness for your own part in the matter (as it always takes two to tango), while hoping that your actions might stimulate a similar response in the other person?

    If the other person never ‘repents’, but reconciliation is still achieved through your own humility, then does it really matter that they never heard you say the words ‘I forgive you’?

    Perhaps this all hinges on the distinction between reconciliation and forgiveness.

    In my heart what I really desire is reconciliation. Or, perhaps I need to accept that sometimes it simply cannot be achieved.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Cathy Wright

    Some of the comments I have read seem to have a twisted idea of what forgiveness is.

    First, forgiveness is unilateral, ie it is for the benefit of the forgiver, not the forgivee. Holding on to unforgiveness creates a bitterness that will shrivel the soul, whereas forgiving someone releases that bitterness and anger and causes healing. Healing ministries all begin with counseling the necessity of forgiveness.

    Second, forgiveness doesn’t mean that the person who has sinned against you does not have to suffer the legal or social consequences of his actions. A thief or murderer still has to serve his sentence.

    Third, we don’t have to do this on our own. God will not tell us that we have to do something and then refuse to help. Pray about it.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Linda

    What if the person who did you wrong is the pastor????

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Christine

    How can you possible forgive your father when he raped you in the name of God and he was a deacon. He never admitted to it and still continues to deny

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment T.Alexander

    I have been reading and thinking about the many points of view expressed here and I agree that in all topics and comments we should forgive. I truly believe that God spells it out very clearly in his word. We should remember that there is one who is the great deceiver and loves the power he gets by confusing us. I am right now involved with this struggle myself as my brother did something that has caused me a lot of anger.And to make it worst he is one of those men that are never wrong and is a complete ego maniac. Now what did I just do wrong in the sight of God? I judged. However I work this out I need to forgive him for many reasons. My spiritual,emotional and physical health depends on it. I hope and pray that I can find the wisdom to conduct myself as a reflection of my savior who has forgiven me, and believe me I myself have not been an angle.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Terence

    @Christine. You still must forgive him, let God handle it. If he continues to do what he does, he will be brought to the light. Remember that darkness can’t be hid from the light. If he asks for forgiveness to the lord for what he has done, then hopefully, he will apologize to you. If not, then he is a coward. I will pray for you Christine. I know its hard for you, but don’t let hate win.

    I recently forgave a friend for trespassing against me, but sadly, he turned it around and blamed me for everything. He chose not to forgive me, but he is the lord’s problem now. I pray that the lord will quell what is eating him.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Maggie

    The problem I have is my husband’s continued inaction and complete disregard in a grave matter of my health, wellness, life and exaggeration. I wish it were. It’s a desperate situation. I am stuck here..I cannot leave due to financial reasons. We also have three children. He gives no reason for this offense, gets angry when I confront him and I conclude he is a limited, emotionally/spiritually handicapped selfish sloth. I know it is imperative for my health to forgive this man, who continually offends me, but I cannot look at him daily without pure anger and resentment rising in me. How do I live with him? HELP! Thanks

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Gregory

    Maggie, I Pray for you, please pray for me. I too am in a spiritual trap with a decietful wife. Lies , cheats and steals. cares less about my pain for its my fault. gets worse if I try to talk about things. Four kids that need my covering and presence. A bitter cup to drink from. health begining to show signs.. high blood pressure, depression. Just want her to dip her finger in the water( im sorry) and cool my parching tongue. Not repenting is a tool of satan to kill and destroy belivers and weaken their faith. It is the only way fallen man can receive the gift of Jesus’s spilled blood and be reconciled to God. It is the only way a world of sinners can exist together with out all this suffering. the formal church today does mankind a great harm by not insisting that we leave our offerings and go and make things right with our brothers and sisters, then come and present our offerings to God. May you have strenh in carring your cross, try not to sin in your suffering, and look me up when we get to heaven.

  • http://Forgiveness Robin Bednarczyk

    My husband has been cheating on me, AND STILL IS, but instead of confessing, he keeps denying it, yet his girlfriend/mistress STILL keeps leaving little signs behind making sure that I see them, then when I mention it to my husband, he denies IT ALL. He tells me its all in my head, and yet this girl keeps leaving me messages, even going as far as writing things on HIS CLOTHES. I’ve showed my friends these things, and they see them as well, and NOW my husband is telling everyone that I’m writing them on there! I’m trying to forgive him, but not only will he not confess, but he adamently denies any wrong doing EVEN WITH THE EVIDENCE WRITTEN ON HIS CLOTHES. So what now?

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Coleen

    I have read the comments and agree with Pastor Mark – whose writings are directly from the Word of God – I can not, however, find anywhere any advice on how to forgive someone who continues to sin against you? Sometimes, reconsiliation is not possible if it causes continued pain –

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Janis

    I am trying to find an answer for myself and I am so confused. I am a new Christian and am still trying to understand the right way to go about things and serve. I decided to let all the negative in my past go. It has proven to be so hard. Starting with my old best friend who has done me wrong on many occasions and is still slandering my name to others even though I haven’t said a word about or to her. And she is now trying to turn my teen daughter against me. And has allowed my teen daughter to sleep at her house without my permission with her boyfriend who was supposed to be spending the night at her friends. I was terribly upset about it! And then my daughters boyfriend then has disrespected me on so many levels and I have talked to him about it and I have also seen him treat my daughter poorly. He tells me he is sorry but then does something again. I made them break up and felt bad and so allowed them to date and I apologized to him and then he broke up with my daughter only to date her best friend and now my daughter has been left none of her friends talk to her because her old best friends parent allows all of them to drink and do bad things. I will not allow my daughter to take part of. And now he is back asking if he can see her again and wants forgiveness even though I know he is still with her ex best friend. And he tells me he is sorry for hurting her and being disrespectful but yet when I talk to him It seems he is still not being nice and not wanting changes. How can I move on? And what is the right thing to do and how do I protect my family from bad things in the appropriate way? So much to learn. I have been asking God and maybe he is telling me the answer I am just not getting it. I am so lost and want to do right.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Janis

    I am also having problems with honesty in my home. I have been cheated on in the past by my spouse and found it hard to trust in him. So I randomly check his phone even though I shouldn’t. In doing so I found that he has been talking to an old neighbor who has done me and his children wrong in the past and that he has asked if her and her daughter would like to take trips with him and not asked his own family. I have also seen where she thought I was Jealous of her and her daughter. I am not. There is no need in that. I also read where he messaged her back that she was Hot. This hurt me so much because he never talks to me or his children we had together. He only sits at the computer. He is a hard worker and does pay our bills but spends no time with us. And shows us no love. In fact I feel as if I never do right. He also messaged him he loved them. How can he tell nonfamily members that when he doesn’t even tell his family that? That hurts! I can’t say anything because I was where I shouldn’t of been. I feel so insecure and I can’t trust others because of all that has happened to me. How do I let go of this matter? I need a release somehow. I pray but I am not sure what else to do. And I know there will be a judgement day and God knows what to do but I need help now.


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  • Roxan

    What steps should i take to make forgiving easier?I really need to know…..

  • redneondot

    Here’s the question: What should I do about a pastor that has verbally publicly falsely
    accused me in front of 300 people at a Sun. morning service? I tried to think clearly
    about why he did this, asking God for wisdom, and made an appointment with him to
    discuss this with him. He WOULD NOT give me a meeting, and said I could email him.
    I did and ALL he had to say was I should not question him as the bible says “touch not
    my annointed”…..I was able to get a meeting with his wife who is the actual head pastor.
    She defended him and I got nowhere. Weeks later, I decided to forgive, try to forget, and
    move on in that church….it was hard to make that move forward and go back. When he
    spotted me in that service, he did the SAME THING, only changing the accusation; also
    false. My friend sitting near me saw it too; it was NOT my imagination. I tried to do things
    according to scripture, meeting in private first, but he would not do it. The friend who ad-
    mits to seeing this has recently moved to another state. How can I biblically bring closure
    to this issue. Should I tell it to the board as another minister (from another church)
    counseled me to do? I have heard things about this pastor before but tried to give the
    benefit of the doubt. Now I see he does this and no one ever corrects him. Not that I
    think it’s my place to do so; but even his board seems to be overlooking this.

    • Guest
    • ChibiViolet

      Based on the Bible quote at the top of the page, you’re on step two where you’re meant to confront him in a group. But I guess if you can’t gather a group to confront him with, it might be appropriate to move on to step three and bring it to the attention of the whole church. If you can get that far and it still doesn’t work, the only closure would seem to be cutting him out of your life as well as you can manage. I’m not an expert on this subject, but it seems like hanging between steps would be unhealthy for a person.

    • A Christian

      Clearly the Pastor is not living a Godly life. He has not fellowship with God at this point of his life. He probably sees you as a reminder of his sinfulness. When Saul as dethroned by God and David was anointed the king, Saul pursued to kill David, because he was a reminder of his own sinfulness. Instead of repenting and coming to God, he chose to kill the person reminding him of his sinfulness. I believe you are in the same situation. You have two choices, either find a Bible believing and move to that church, or you could stay in this church and pray for your pastor and the other members there to reconcile with God. If you choose the second option, be sure that you have a very clear and solid connection with God, without that you will be way led too. You will have to make time to learn the Bible on you own every day, since you will not get any spiritual food from your church.

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  • Alex Veloso

    What should I do if the sinner is playing the saint and all community supports her and look at me as a sinner

    • thevaliant x

      This is the problem I am having. After experiencing various forms of abuse (never sexual) at the hands of numerous members of my family) about 30-35 years ago I have never gotten over that. Now that I have a son my wife and I are trying to reconnect with the family, but we need to know that we can trust that they won’t do to him what they did to me. Instead of them being understanding (even though was documentation of the abuse), and WANTING a relationship with us, they’re pretending like it’s my imagination and that I am just ungrateful for all they have done (they adopted me). So now they’re just going on about life as if we don’t exist, and our son feels very alone because he doesn’t have any family.

  • Spiralnotes

    Love your article. You might also find that my article will help you reach forgiveness

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