The only kind of “thanks” you can expect from others who see that you’ve decided to serve something higher than your own self-centered interests — including bringing an end to your previous support of their inflated self images — is their accusation that you have somehow wronged them… and that you owe them an explanation for the pain they feel due to blaming you for having become untrue.
If you want to see the real nature behind these not so veiled demands, just quietly refuse to explain yourself when others “hint” that you owe them something. Your reward, although it won’t seem so at first, is to see, beyond any doubt, the darkness in human beings that calls itself the light… and that despises anything or anyone who reveals it to itself.
The blessing in these moments of revelation — when you see the actual desperation and destitution of your accuser — is the kind of liberation that only comes with the clarity of seeing who you can no longer be, and what you can no longer serve.
Last week I had a strong feeling of generalized anxiety come over me, even though there was no apparent cause. I want to remain with the emotion in order to understand it. I watch it, and it lifts, only to return again. I realize that anything “I” try to do to “get rid of it” will guarantee its return, or perhaps make it even worse. I want to use this strong emotion to break through its veil of oppression. Somehow I sense this may be a great opportunity for me.
Here is one thing that’s key for us to understand. If our work to be watchful is an attempt on our part to rid ourselves of some state, then this is not real watchfulness, but rather a cloaked form of willfulness that is secret resistance on our part. And all resistance is, among other things, a form of attraction (in reverse) as well as a form of unconscious identification. So, be watchful of this trap… of hoping for some outcome as a result of your effort to attend to the state in question. Our work to observe is in order to become conscious of our own machinations, not to make the machine work according to some preconceived notion.
Apart from these thoughts, rest assured that whatever the condition you’re meeting in yourself, you already have all that is needed (within you) to turn it into spiritual “gold.” Just persist with your wish to remember yourself, and stay in the middle of whatever is revealed. Eventually you will see that who you really are is the seer, and not any one of the gazillion things being seen.
Trying to be something that we are not, or loathing ourselves for imagined shortcomings, is born of resistance, the root of reincarnating all that we wish to no longer be; dying to ourselves begins with returning to ourselves – with being what we are – nothing more, nothing less.
I am tired of suffering uselessly, and want to make a new wish for greater self-understanding. Are there any practical steps I can take to strengthen my wish?
It may not seem so at the time of a trouble, but the truth is, the only thing any of us suffer from (psychologically) is what we have yet to learn about the truth of our lives and ourselves. This is great news for those with ears to hear.
We can learn. We can be self-discovering. We can dare the darkness we fear by knowing that even in the worst hours there is always Light just waiting to reveal to us the error of our perception. When we change the way we see life, life suddenly changes itself into the way we experience it — and there’s no end to this bright and upward spiral of self-renewal.
Make each day a dedicated choice to choose in favor of the Light. Work with principles that work to show you what is the truth of your life, instead of clinging to futile hopes that provide only their promise of bringing you a better life. The truth (about yourself) you’ll come to embrace is the true life your heart has been longing for.