Beliefnet
Letting Go with Guy Finley

Guy Finley explains why it would be wise to become highly suspicious of the parts of ourselves that endlessly seek the approval of other people.

Question: I am sure there are multitudes of memories and experiences we are better off to drop as soon as they end. However, there are many we may live out our lives and never top — such as our first, sweet love. Is it not the best, the purest thing to carry in your heart and to cherish it once in awhile? These memories aren’t hurting us. They give us comfort, pleasure, and rest. Is that not better than to be present in the moment?

Answer: Our first love, the sweetest… because it is the most innocent and passionate at the same time… is unlike any other love we will know, much as we never forget the first time we realized fire is as beautiful to the eye as it is potentially painful to the finger.

This kind of “first love” experience awakens us to the possibility of disappearing into something greater than ourselves, but ultimately burns us because of our present nature that only knows how to cling to what it adores.

Nevertheless, this early initiation introduces us to a higher need within that can never be satisfied by any exterior relationship. And this is one reason why we are so attached to memories of love, whenever they occurred. Within the safety of “what was” we can momentarily satisfy the longing we have to feel whole (as only love can do for us). But we are betrayed by these same memories because, as you already know, they are a false spring… always followed by the winter of a heart that, in its emptiness, still seeks for a love everlasting… a higher love that doesn’t need to hold onto anything because it’s contentment is in continually emptying itself so that it may be filled anew.

Question: I am in a relationship with a man who has not received God as I have. I’ve tried to share with him my journey, but he rejects my feelings and does not want to hear anything about God. I trust in God that He will go into his heart in his own timing. However, we are to be married soon, and I feel I cannot marry this man who must have hatred and evil in his life. What should I do?

Answer: Our one true and first responsibility is to practice, as best we are empowered to do, the presence of God. In the light of that awareness lives all of the understanding we need when it comes to realizing happy and productive relationships with others. In fact, if we genuinely practice living in the “Presence” moment (meaning working to remember the truth of ourselves at all times), then we know (in each moment) that what others choose to do with their minds and hearts is none of our business. (The only exception to this rule is when we are asked by someone else what we think would be best for him or her).

It’s also difficult to understand that, in one respect, there are as many spiritual levels on this planet as there are individuals upon it… and, as a result, many of those people think that spiritual bliss is the same as a good milkshake. This is why we must choose, as best we can, to put what we know is True first and foremost in our lives. Only our conscious relationship with living Truth can show us what is right, bright, and true when it comes to dealing with the individuals that come in and out of our lives.

So, instead of wanting something from this man, something he may not be able at this point in his development to give you, try giving him the one thing that might make all the difference in both of your lives: your wish to understand your self better, and to surrender yourself more completely to God’s will.

Spiritually speaking, all relationships serve one purpose: self-knowledge. Self-knowledge serves one purpose: awakening to the truth of one’s self. Awakening to the truth of oneself serves one purpose: dying to oneself. Dying to oneself serves one purpose: rebirth. And rebirth is… the purpose and fulfillment of all relationships.