Beliefnet
Letting Go with Guy Finley

Real love is immeasurable, which means it can neither be reached nor realized through measured steps…earth, stars, galaxies

Guy Finley explains that we are created to be the instrument of divine love, but currently all we know is conditional love as we chase after the temporary pleasures of the world. As we work to be open to each moment and what it shows us about ourselves, we are invited to sacrifice our shallow life in passing time for an eternal life that has no ending.

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Have you ever seen in a relationship that you have with someone that the alignment is starting to go off (so to speak) and you can see the car starting to drift? So, you grab the steering wheel — meaning you grab hold of that person to try to manipulate their behavior — because you know if the car keeps drifting — meaning if they keep doing what they’re doing — you know the car is going to crash! Then you start to pressure the person in subtle ways in order to make sure they go down the road that you think leads to the end you have in mind… and how do you like people with their hands on your wheel? Isn’t it true that the more a person tries to determine what you should do to fulfill their idea of love, the less love you feel for them? We don’t see it happening. For one thing, we’re captives of the fear of the crash.

Gradually, a person becomes so identified with what they want, that in the process of being identified with it, they start to fear that the end in mind won’t come to pass as has been imagined, and the end not coming to pass means the passing of themselves. “I’ll lose myself if I lose you.” The moment “what has to happen” becomes set in one’s mind, then everything that produces the possibility of a viable and whole relationship is choked off.

It is in the recognition of this identification that you begin to not be so consumed with yourself. If in any given moment, for instance when someone is speaking or you’re with friends, it were possible for you to be experiencing an endless world, wouldn’t you think that would be preferential to a world you’re always trying to keep from ending?

When you look out a window, or you go outside at night, your eyes can only go so far. We’re not conscious of the fact that our vision has an ending point, because we’re caught up by the objects in it, meaning we’re caught up with our consideration of what we see, not the fact that our vision has a limitation to it. Our eyes have an end to what they can see. Love is seeing the beginning and the ending at once and realizing that one is a part of the beginning and the ending all at once, and all at once it is taking place inside of a human being.

We are created by Love. Inside of us is Love. Love is what realizes Love. Love is the only thing that can know Love. Love has no end in mind except for the fulfillment of itself. Therefore, it isn’t trying to make anything happen. It isn’t trying to control someone so that one can keep their love in place.

Isn’t it frustrating that on one hand you know that you’re supposed to have nice relationships with everyone, and yet you have almost no relationship with anyone that actually is nice? It’s a real grain of sand in one’s soul… as well it is intended to be!

If it weren’t for the fact that we recognize, however slightly it is, that our irritation with the person that we’re with has something to do with us, then there would never be a chance for us to discover anything greater than what we presently call our idea of love.

The world that you and I live in has almost no idea at all about love. Real love takes work. You say, “I know; I’ve been carrying this guy for about forty years!” That is not the work it takes. Just like a garden, you have to do a lot of work when you first put in the seeds. The work that has to do with love in a relationship has nothing whatsoever to do with bearing the unpleasant manifestations of another person, but of bearing what is unloving in you when those unpleasant manifestations reveal that un-lovingness in you. That is the work.