Letting Go with Guy Finley

Letting Go with Guy Finley

The First Step to Dropping Dark States Is to Stop Defending Them

posted by Guy Finley

In this life, we have one of two choices when it comes to painful events, past or present. We can either go on hating and fearing what we think life has done to us (or others), and let these negative reactions create our experience for us … or we can learn to use these same dark reactions to free ourselves from them. But just wanting to learn the truth isn’t enough; we have to be willing to see the truth if we want its liberating touch.

Hating the past and blaming it for the pain we’re in now seems to justify our continuing suffering. But whatever justifies blame and hatred is, itself, a part of — in league with –these negative states. And that’s what we have to see (within us) if we ever want to be free of whatever it is in us that has “good reasons” for tearing itself apart. It’s “common” spiritual sense: Love doesn’t hate anything; it sees (and knows) the secret unity in all it beholds. Light doesn’t fear shadows; it gently transforms them into open space.

When we know that whatever happens to us can be for the good of us — and choose to learn from these moments instead of burn over them — miracles happen. We can awaken to see that some of the best “gifts” we are given are the ones we want least … which is another whole story to be discovered by anyone who wants to be free.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Raymond S Twala

    would it be correct for me to say that by reacting negatively to these state:I’m defending them?

  • http://www.guyfinley.org Guy Finley

    Hi Raymond — My name is Kate and I work with Guy Finley to manage his Beliefnet blog. It’s not the negative reaction itself that is the “problem” — it’s holding on to the negativity that hurts us. Imagine when you were young that other kids used to call you by a mean nickname. Years later you’re at a reunion and someone brings up the nickname again, and you feel a stab of pain. The reaction is real and involuntary. It’s what happens next that determines whether the pain is used for burning or learning. Either (through your unconscious consent) the pain directs you into negativity such as anger and resentment in order to defend the hurt child from your past. Or the pain can be used to help you “wake up” to the present, where (through your conscious awareness) you are able to use reason to let go of the pain, because you know that its source is literally imagination — a childish memory. So it’s not that “you” ever choose to defend the negativity — the choice is made for you by past experience when you are not working to remain in the now.

    Here are some Q&A’s on our main website that talk about how negative states trick us into falsely defending them through blaming others:


    I hope this helps!

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