Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

The Illusion of Perfection

Today is Day 25 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement™.

Many of us strive to be perfect because we compare yourselves to others. Or we compare ourselves to people who we think are perfect. But they’re not. They just give that illusion or fix themselves up in ways that cover their imperfections. We watch celebrities on the Red Carpet look perfect with faces covered with gobs of makeup and their bodies pulled into shape with all sorts of things to hold them in. Some get treatment prior to an appearance that temporarily improves their appearance. And we watch them, yearning to look as good as they do. This can keep self-love low.


I’ve met many celebrities, both with and without the makeup. Without they look just as imperfect as the rest of us.  And while makeup looks great on TV and in films, it looks so fake in person. When I do a TV show I can’t wait to get the heavy makeup that looks so good on air off because it looks and feels like a mask. People in magazines get airbrushed. A model once told me how lousy she felt when she was airbrushed for an ad, like she wasn’t good enough as she was.

Years ago I had a friend Jenny, who I envied for her petite frame and how she always looked perfect. She wore a lot of makeup and looked glamorous. Being with her made me feel unattractive. One morning I stopped by to pick something up at her place and she hadn’t been awake for long. Seeing her made me realize what a whiz she was with makeup. She looked horrid. I mean I couldn’t imagine how her husband woke up next to her every morning. Yet everyone admired her for her looks! She had a great illusion of perfection too.


Over the years I’ve seen many other people who gave the illusion of perfection but were no more perfect than me. And I’ve heard celebrities say that they can walk around in NYC unnoticed if they go au natural, since they look so different. Clothing and makeup and  a good hairstyle and Spanx, and a confident attitude can mask many imperfections. You never know what lurks behind the makeup or clothes.

For example, I was friendly with Jordan, who had a very slender body that most women wished they could have, me included. And men lusted after her. I’d hear guys often call her hot. She tended to wear flowy clothing that added to her mystique. One day I bumped into her in a dressing room in  Macy’s. She asked if I’d come into her room and help her figure out what to buy for an event she was going to. She modeled the dress she was wearing and then took it off to try on the other one. She wore no bra since she had no need for one. That stunning slender frame actually had bones sticking out! I couldn’t stop staring.


She commented that she knew how women envied her for being so slim and that men were attracted to her body. But under the clothes she wasn’t attractive at all. She shared that boyfriends often complained about how her bones made her look very unsexy and they didn’t like touching her body. And, while they loved her legs in skirts, her thighs had cellulite. She just knew not to wear anything too short. Jordan gave the illusion of having a perfect body but underneath she was quite imperfect.

When you find yourself enviously thinking that someone is perfect, remind yourself that it’s an illusion. Most women have cellulite. Men have their imperfections too. Everyone has something they would love changed if they could. Some refuse to themselves because of it. Those with self-love accept it as part of who they are. You can do your best to hide what you don’t like. Once of my clients was born with a huge purple discoloration on her face. I’ve never seen it as she learned how to cover it well with makeup. And she loves herself, purple and all.


Love yourself no matter what! If everyone who had a flaw chose not to love him/herself, there would be no self-love. So create your illusion of perfection if it makes you feel better. You know what clothes make your body look good and how to enhance your appearance. Just don’t think that others are perfect while you have flaws. We all have them!

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2012 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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