Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Hand writing.JPGInsecure people are used to doing more of what they’re told to do. Pleasing others becomes a routine that feels comfortable in a world that makes you uncomfortable. It assures you of getting some approval. Stepping out to do something different or behave in a way you’re not used to can seem scary and out of your comfort zone. If someone you’re close to and want to please tells you to do something, it might feel more secure, since they’re letting you know it’s okay.

You may believe you need permission to do what you want or to step into happiness.

Sometimes when I’m working with a client, I literally give them permission to try something new and off they go to do it. When you’re so used to doing things one way, it feels secure, even if you’re not. We’re attracted to what we’re used to, including what we don’t like. That’s why so many people tend to be attracted to the same kinds of unhealthy romantic partner. You may not like what they do but you’re used to it and have defenses against the bad behavior.

New paths mean new defenses might have to be built. So we take the “easy way” and remain stuck.

I had to consciously change the patterns that kept me stuck and you can too! I give you permission!  Now give it to yourself if you want to be happy. If you want to buy the shirt or lotion or car ornament or whatever you think costs more than you “should” spend, take a piece of paper and write down what you need permission to do, such as:

??“I give me permission to buy______ because I love me.”
“I give me permission to express my feelings because I love me.”
“I give me permission to do what makes me happy I love me.”

Make a few copies, sign each, and hang them up in different places where you see them. Let the message permeate your consciousness until you can’t resist the need to buy it or do it. When you enjoy the results, take another step to giving yourself more permission to do something else, like take some time off for relaxing, even if you have a lot on your plate:

“I give me permission to spend the afternoon in the park because I love me.”

On a broader scale, give yourself permission to be happy. When you’re so fixated on getting by, happiness doesn’t seem possible. But it is. Life isn’t about passing time and surviving, it’s about giving yourself pleasure, over and over and over. I enjoy my life every day now–so much better than making everyone but me happy. Make a more permanent note to self and read it often:

“I give me permission to be happy because I love me.”

You don’t need others to give you permission to be loving to yourself and do the things that would add joy to your life. Write it down. Give yourself a permission slip. With each one, allow yourself to bask in the joy of doing or getting each thing brings.

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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