Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

People Who Burst Your Bubble

bubbles.jpgYou embark on something that makes your heart sing and you feel gloriously happy. It might be very different from your usual endeavors or something that most people don’t do. So you’re feeling good and share it with a friend, who quickly says, “What’s wrong with you for doing that?” or puts you down in some way. Here you were in a bubble of happiness and the person sticks a pin into it.

Unhappy people sometimes can’t handle seeing someone else’s delighted joy and must say something negative to try to bring you down to their level of unhappiness.

Or jealousy makes them tear you apart. Many unhappy people can’t stand to see others enjoying their lives if they’re not. So they look for things to criticize. For example, I tend to date guys who are a bit younger than me. I’m not against dating guys my own age but I usually end up with younger guys since I feel and look so much younger than I am. I’m always amazed at how many times I’ve been called a cradle robber for dating someone as little as 5 years younger.

Comments from envious people can be so mean spirited that you want to scream ouch when they give you their barbs.

Because I live an unconventional life, I’ve been stung by people for doing a variety of things. I have to keep reminding myself that they’re unhappy and that is making them want to hurt my happiness. After all, if she’s not happy, why should anyone else be? And sadly, there are a lot of unhappy people who like to burst happiness bubbles. I’ve met too many of them over the years and heard awful stories from clients who’ve been stung by one.

They always ask, “Why do people have to put down my happiness?”

I don’t think these people are conscious of doing it. Unhappy people get bitter and react negatively as a lifestyle. If you recognize this in yourself, I strongly advise you to curtail this habit. Just because you’re hurting, you don’t have the right to hurt others. Envy can blind you to understanding how mean it is to pick apart what someone is happy about. It can become an unhappy habit that poisons your life and your spirit.

If you have someone in your life who likes to regularly rain on your parade, I highly advise you to cut your ties if possible.

You can try to explain how they make you feel but envy and bitterness can block understanding. I’ve let go of friends I had for years when I finally accepted that I was tired of them sticking pins in my happiness. Limiting your time to positive friends is a great act of self-love. It can be hard to let go of someone you’ve known for a long time. They may put up a fight.

But negative people don’t just change because you tell them you don’t like it.

If there’s someone you can’t let go of, possibly a family member, limit your interactions. Set boundaries. Say that you won’t tolerate their negative barbs anymore and don’t! If the person is determined not to lose you, come up with something you can say at times when they say things you don’t like.

A word or two, as simple as “negative alert!” or a warning, “Remember our talk. You’re doing it.” can stop their barbs.

The most important thing is to love yourself enough not to subject yourself to behavior that hurts you or dampens your happiness. Everyone is responsible for him/herself. No one has the right to take their problems out on others and you shouldn’t allow them to because you feel sorry for them. I’ve been able to continue interaction with some negative people by letting them know I’d get up and leave or hang the phone or delete the email if they barbed me. Love yourself enough to protect your joy!

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

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