Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for * LOA logo2.jpgThis is post 127 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

I want to start this post by saying I have nothing against marriage and think it can be a wonderful thing for many people–IF they marry for the right reasons. In most cases, the right reason is that 2 people love each other so much that they want to commit to spend the rest of their lives together. But, too many people make the act of marriage more important than the person they marry. They put out the wrong message and wonder why they’re still single. I hear it all the time:

•    “I want to get married! Why can’t I meet someone to marry me?”
•    I’ll go crazy if I don’t find someone to marry soon.”
•    “All my friends are married. I should be too!”
•    When will someone want to marry me?”

I totally understand why they’re single, My point of view comes partly from a Law of Attraction perspective and partly just from the logic that I write about in my relationship books. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married some day, especially if you also want kids. But, there’s desperation in the above statements. Remember, the Law of Attraction responds to the emotions behind our desires.

Desperation, frustration, feeling if you don’t get something you’ll be unhappy, etc. all create negative feelings that will resist getting married.

I was recently at a spiritual gathering and a woman went on and on about how badly she wanted to get married. She’d even chosen the perfect guy to marry, even though they weren’t dating. She’d decided he was it–the perfect one. After we questioned her, she admitted that she chose him because she was anxious to get married and he was the best she’d found. I never heard the word love used. We convinced her that she should relax and put it out to the Universe to help her meet the right man to marry.

Having faith that you’ll meet the right person at the right time allows you to relax and stimulate more of the joyous feelings needed to attract the best partner for you.

Too often, people make getting married more important than the person they’ll marry. I rarely hear someone say they want to be happily married. Or to meet a person they’ll WANT to spend the rest of their life with. Often the goal is just to be married. Who they marry seems almost optional. And the older someone gets, the less fussy they get too. I ask, “Do you really think you’ll be happy after the glow of the wedding day is gone and you’re living with someone you may not really love or who isn’t special to you?” and get confused looks.

People who are anxious to get married don’t stop to think about the consequences after.

If you’re with someone you’re trying to love, who you may not like spending time with him or her the way you would with someone who makes your heart sing. In many cases, intimacy becomes hard, which causes resentment with the person you settled for. I hear from MANY people who regret marrying for the wrong reasons, and every reason is wrong unless you marry because you love this person so much that you want to share the rest of your life with him or her. A cool marriage is worse than no marriage in the long run.

You may think that finding someone to marry is practical.

But the Universe hears it all as settling, and you’ll attract the kind of joy, or lack of it, that settling for someone to spend the rest of your life with brings. I hear justification: “Someone is better than no one.” This is SO NOT TRUE!!! It might seem like an answer before you get married, but will leave you wanting more after. You already have someone–YOU! This is why I encourage building lots of self-love before the marriage thoughts push you to action. Then put out the intention to meet the right person to marry–not to get married.

Focus on meeting a romantic partner who will make you happy. Then you can think about marriage, because if you marry this person you will probably have a healthy one.

I’m divorced and sometimes asked if I’m looking to get married again. Nope, I’m not looking for anyone. I definitely would like to meet a great man who makes me very happy and who eventually I choose to spend the rest of my life with. Then I might get married. But it will find me. I’m not looking! I trust that he will be there when I’m ready. Until then I’ll relax and enjoy my life and love myself as much as I can. That makes my vibration high and keeps me happy. I enthusiastically look forward to meeting him!

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series HERE.

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.
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