Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Want vs. Expect

My last post in my Law of Attraction in Action Series was Don’t Ask! Give Thanks Instead! The Law of Attraction responds better to an intention that says thanks for what you expect instead of asking for it, with the possibility of not receiving. Asking with intention can have a similar affect on people. If you ask with intention your request will be taken more seriously. For example, if you have an employee who comes late every day, which do you think will make them heed you more?

• “You’re always late and I want you to come on time from now on.”
• “Your job starts at 9 and that’s when I expect you to be here at that time from now on.”

Both statements express dissatisfaction. The first one says you don’t like her being late and you want her to be on time. We want a lot of things we don’t get or we aren’t prepared to do something about. The second statement makes it clear what you expect. It’s more definitive and the person will take it more seriously, knowing they’ve been given a clear warning. This can work in all areas of your life.

It’s important to ask for what you need with conviction and a clear expectation.

If you sound apologetic or unsure, people won’t take your request seriously. Fake conviction! When you’re apologetic or seem like you expect a bad response, you’ll probably get one. Are you really sorry to bother a friend you’ve done a gazillion favors for about keeping his word to do something for you? Or do you feel bad about bugging someone to repay the loan you made months ago when they agreed to give it back in a week?

“You gave me your word and I expect you to keep it. Please have it by Friday.” The person not paying should be guilty, not you!

If something in your apartment has been broken for a while and maintenance doesn’t come, don’t continue to ask, “Can you fix it?” Instead, say, “When will you fix it? Or, should I call management to see if there’s another option?” Smile when you say it. Your words will get the point across. No need to beg for service you’re entitled to. There are lots of lazy people you’ll have to deal with but you can get them moving by being clear about what you expect.

When it comes to getting good service, ask with expectation—“HOW will you rectify this?” instead of “can you?” Don’t ask IF they’ll help. The choice should be from where and how help will come.

Once I sat next to a woman at a conference who complained that her hotel had no hot water for 3 nights. She complained to the front desk to no avail and felt frustrated by the lack of consideration from the staff. She felt she should get something off her bill but doubted it could happen. I advised her not to ask IF they’d give her something off her bill. Instead, Jeri should ask how much they’d take off it, as a given that it would happen.

Putting out your expectation shows you mean business.

In a situation where you feel stiffed or wronged and believe you’re entitled to compensation, the question should be, “How much” rather than asking if you can get something. Don’t get confrontational. Let your words and the conviction behind them send the message in a calm way. Jeri went to the manager and said what we practiced. “I’d like to know what adjustment the hotel will make to my bill because of the water situation.” The manager immediately made an offer that was more than satisfactory.

Don’t approach a situation with antagonism. Just quietly and firmly state your expectations.

When people know you mean business and expect specific compensation or actions, they’re more likely to give you what you want. Of course you don’t want to bully people so be fair about what you expect. But if someone isn’t giving you the service you should get or a friend is taking advantage or your romantic partner is hurting you with inappropriate behavior, firmly let them know what you expect. The key is being prepared to take further action if you don’t get results.

The person who is ready to walk away or make the calls to higher people or take decisive action are the ones most likely to get the results they want.

Make sure your words and tone show that you’re serious about what you expect. I once had a boyfriend who was known for his biting sarcasm. People complained about some hurtful barbs he’d inflicted on them to no avail. He’d just laugh and say it was just his way. When he did it to me, I said it was unacceptable and that better be the last time. He knew I meant it and he never did it to me again. His friends were shocked at how nicely he always spoke to me. They complained. I let him know what I expected. There is a difference!

Affirm to yourself why you deserve what you’re asking for.

Accept your right to receive! Your attitude shouldn’t reflect doubt. You’re worthy of receiving! Anger instigates a confrontational mindset, which can rile you. Apologies or asking without conviction gets ignored. Instead, resolve situations with clear words spoken in a friendly manner, with a tone that indicates you expect results. Be clear that you expect a situation to be remedied. For example, instead of complaining about your hotel room and ASKING for another, say, “My room is unacceptable. How soon can I move?” Expressing expectations gives no other options!

Get good results by staying calm. Once emotions show, you’ve lost control. In a rational, friendly but firm tone, explain what you expect and thank the person for cooperating. That shows that you expect cooperation! The nicer you say it, the more people respond positively.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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  • http://www.mysticmusingsandmeditations.com Angela Artemis

    Daylle, you're so right. How do you think of all these things? I truly think you're channeling a "Dear Abby!"

  • Maxx

    A few different words can make the difference between receiving or complaining about what you don't get.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Oh my Angela! So funny. : ) I'm an observer of life and see what works for me and others.So true Maxx!

  • Scott Legaerno

    Vive la difference! Speaking with expectation truly works! I just tried it. thanks!

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