Our first-grader, Ezra, recently boasted that his buddy Baruch taught him how to be “sarcastic.” The secret? You say the opposite of what you really think, drawing it out in a slightly lower pitched voice, while rolling your eyes up and making quote marks with your fingers right by the tips of your ears. For example, Ezra might say while wiggling his fingers like little antlers above his head, “Yea-ah, I rea-al-ly li-ike ve-eg-ge-ta-ables.” This represents the height of wit in the first grade.

Wow. Somebody hurry up and invent an Einstein Award for Excellence in the Field of Thinking, because this Klinghoffer guy totally deserves it.

He has clearly proven that if a person “draws lessons” (otherwise known as completely misrepresenting an idea so as to create a bull—t justification for a flawed and hateful belief system) from a thing, that thing becomes completely responsible the person’s actions.