I remember the day I sat in my marriage counselor’s office and declared, “I will do anything to save my marriage. Anything! Just tell me what to do.”
I was so naive.
I believed one person could care enough for two. I alone would find a way to fix our marital problems.
I honestly don’t remember my marriage counselor’s response that day.
I was in the infancy of divorce, the early days, the first few months which led me to retain about a third of what he told me.
Can you blame me?
I was multi-tasking – snatching tissue after tissue, sniffling, crying, over-explaining, begging and of course, at times attempting to demonstrate a decent amount of self-respect. That is, in between tightly cradling fists of Kleenex – just one more thing for me to do.
I was an emotional over-achiever!
There was only so much time I could devote to listening, right?
Making matters more complicated was my intention to alter my first name. Tenacity would replace Colleen. The proverbial ‘dog with a bone’ would be child’s play in my world. The marriage would prevail!
I recently read a curated piece on a Vanity Fair interview with Jennifer Garner.
It seems I was also married to Ben, well, ‘a Ben’ so to speak.
The curated article led me to reference the original piece.
Naturally, when Jen said divorce had been “a year of wine” it confirmed we were related. It seems only Hollywood is keeping us two Sista’s apart. Further, validation? I am, after all, a Virginia girl and she my West Virginia Counterpart.
Jen’s relationship thoughts are eloquent and profound.
Among them, “You have to have two people to dance a marriage.”
As a writer, when I find myself re-reading a girl’s words it means they have something to leave with me.
And in between Jen’s wisdom, I can sense her tenacity. Her resistance to give up. Her desire to keep coming back around. Her devotion and loyalty to family and seeing the best in those she loves.
I can envision her emotional multi-tasking.
The snatching of tissue after tissue, sniffling, crying, over-explaining, begging and of course, at times attempting to demonstrate a decent amount of self-respect. That is, in between tightly cradling fists of Kleenex – just one more thing for her to do.
And for no other reason but the value, she places on love. An irrefutable commodity in her world. A girl deeply rooted in her own family and West Virginia roots. A girl who wants her children to see the best of love just as she sees the best of those she loves.
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