I need a 12 step program for ‘long-texting.’

My friend who I like to refer to as ‘Oprah’ (again, names always changed to protect the innocent who hang out with me) recently told me as much.

It went something along the lines that somehow during work she might not have time to read my novelesque messages.

Really? (protests this writer feigning shock)

Me? A ‘long-texter??’ 

In my defense, I’m not really in a ‘short-texting’ – WASUP GIRLFRIEND?! – Stage of my life.

More like a….

You will not believe what just happened!!
Oh my goodness I need my mother but you will do!!
Is this really what my life has become?!!!!
I think I may soon need medical treatment!!
I am seeking a surrogate parent in my life – will you apply?!!
Please text back to confirm I am not in fact, crazy!!!!
God doesn’t seem to be listening at the moment, can you?!!!!

Time of my life!

I promise I will return to ‘short-texting!’ After all, I have no desire to appear technologically ancient! I aspire to all forms of anti-aging tools and methodology far outside creams and botox.

I will muddle through the last part of this divorce and return to carefree life. ‘Oprah’ will then miss my history lesson texts as they will be replaced by:

“Okay def will!”

“IDK LOL.”

“OMG that’s baddd!”

EMOJI EMOJI EMOJI EMOJI

Who am I kidding? I am a writer! ‘Short-texts’ are my kryptonite!

Who’s idea was it to drive phone calls to the point of extinction?

Some of us over communicative dinosaurs still need them!

Especially when we aren’t in a – WU GF! – Stage of our lives.

More like a…

“@TEOTD 2M2H CLAB LHM” 

Time of my life  

Hey, ‘Oprah’ short enough? You just helped shave ten technological years off me – feeling younger already!

TMB GF : -)

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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