Beliefnet
Fresh Living

white picket fenceI just took our latest quiz, “How Good Are Your Personal Boundaries,” and um, I failed.

Ok, not failed, but apparently in certain areas I’m not so good at asserting and communicating my needs. I knew that, but it’s somewhat enlightening to have it pointed out to me by a quiz, meaning its creator Andrea Ferretti did a really nice job; it’s not often an online personality test makes me self-reflect too deeply. She also wrote me this really interesting email about what she found in her boundary research:

“I found that most psychologists refer to people either having boundaries that are too loose and thin or too rigid and thick. To figure out which category people fall into, you consider both their physical and emotional boundaries.

Folks with loose boundaries have trouble figuring out where they end and another person begins. So, they might feel threatened when someone has a difference of opinion. They also might be very touchy feely and tell people about their whole inner world too quickly, causing people to back away from them physically and emotionally. Just as they “let people in” too quickly, they also struggle to keep people out. In other words, they have a hard time standing up for themselves and saying no because they struggle with guilt, which can ultimately make them passive-aggressive. They also tend to display too much empathy and when they see pain in others, it pains them.

People with rigid or thick boundaries have the opposite problems – they struggle to connect with people, they feel uncomfortable getting too close physically or emotionally, they may appear aloof and arrogant.”

Interesting, non? I definitely relate to the thing about getting passive-aggressive when the needs you have not stated are not met. Going to pay better attention to that. Oh, and healthy boundaries are firm yet flexible, permeable barriers that keep you open but solidly yourself.

Take the How Good Are Your Personal Boundaries quiz. And let us know what you find!

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