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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together Archives

Should You Keep Secrets From Your Partner?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was in the grocery store yesterday, and the tabloids were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. Even though we tend to expect this sort of thing from celebrity relationships, secrets are a problem. They don’t […]

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5 Factors That Put You At Risk for An Affair

posted by Linda Mintle

Justin Lehmiller at Purdue University is the author of The Psychology of Human Sexuality and studies sex and relationships. He has found that about 1 in 4  or 1 in 5 married people admit to sexual infidelity. So what puts a person […]

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10 Reasons Why You Are Not Having Sex in Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

You are busy. I get that. Welcome to life! When we are busy, sex can take a back seat and get lost in our everyday TO DO list. Of course busyness isn’t the only reason why sex wanes in a […]

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10 Reasons Couples Therapy Needs a Spiritual Base

posted by Linda Mintle

Let’s say your marriage is hurting and you know you need help. If you are a Christian couple, does it matter who you see and what approach the person uses to help you? Absolutely. So much of couples therapy is […]

Want to be a Great Dad? Have a Great Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s Father’s Day this weekend and children all over the country will find ways to honor their dads.  Dad’s are important for so many reasons. They are more than a second adult in a home. They impact the psychological, academic […]

Singles and Relationships: Oh How We’ve Changed

posted by Linda Mintle

A survey of more than 5000 singles for Match.com reveals real change in the attitudes of singles when it comes to marriage and relationships. When asked about sex dating and what is OK in relationships, here is what the survey […]

5 Tips to Change a Marriage From Fizzle to Sizzle

posted by Linda Mintle

According to marriage researcher, Paul Amato, 60% of divorces in the U.S. are from low conflict couples. This means these divorces were not characterized by abuse, addiction, repeated infidelity, or even high conflict. The marriages just fizzled. Couples stopped paying […]

Will You Rate Your Marriage and See Where You Stand?

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s not uncommon for couples to come to therapy and a therapist to ask, “On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your marriage?” Even couples who don’t come to therapy will occasionally think about this. What […]

The Dangers of a Sexless Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

Aaron and Holly were like many couples in the early years of having children. What was once a hot romance between the two of them seemed to fizzle to barely an ember. When they came to see me, they reported not […]

Could WHY You Have Sex Affect Your Marriage?

posted by Linda Mintle

Grace was really tired and knew her husband would approach her in bed. She just wasn’t in the mood, but thought she should probably have sex and get it over with–not the best motivation to be intimate. At least, she […]

Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Take the quiz!

posted by Linda Mintle

Relationships are such an important part of our lives. How do you measure up in your partner relationship? Check your emotional intelligence here: Answer YES OR NO to each question. 1) When your partner does something that bothers you, do […]

10 Things Happy Couples Do

posted by Linda Mintle

I couldn’t get in to blog today until now so this is brief but good. A number of years ago, I found this on a website, Thirdage.com.  It’s simple but true. This is what happy couples do… Go to bed […]

Is The Other Woman/Man More Attractive? Surprise!

posted by Linda Mintle

When John left his wife for another woman, his wife was shocked. She saw  pictures of his lover  on her on Facebook and could not believe it. She was not attractive. What was going on that he would leave her […]

Dr. Linda, I Was Nice, But It Didn’t Seem to Matter

posted by Linda Mintle

Couples come in to therapy with this complaint. “I did nice things for my spouse, but it doesn’t seem to matter. She doesn’t even notice. I don’t get it.” Honestly, they usually don’t get it. They fail to see that […]

Should You Reveal Your Secrets to Your Spouse?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was in the grocery store yesterday and the tabloids were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. While we tend to expect this from celebrity relationships, secrets are a problem for any couple. The question asked […]

The Secret Relationship Killer

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s toxic. It can be sexual, but doesn’t have to be. It can be present and you may  not be aware of it. It’s at the heart of failing relationships. The secret relationship killer is betrayal. And betrayal isn’t always […]

The Kids Are Gone! Are You More At Risk for Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

The last child has now left the nest. The house is quiet. You look at that person you’ve been married to for so many years and yet, he/she feels like a stranger. There isn’t much to talk about except to […]

Talk on How to Handle Disagreements and Arguments. Listen In!

posted by Linda Mintle

Faith Radio and I talked this week about disagreements and arguments. What are the secrets to keeping things calm and actually coming up with solutions. Listen to the 20 minute interview. Click here.                 […]

A Possible Divorce Prevention?

posted by Linda Mintle

When you think of preventing divorce, you usually think about improving communication, strengthening the marital friendship and dealing with conflict. What you probably do not think about is how many children were in your family growing up. Yet, one new […]

Does Your Partner Want Your Advice?

posted by Linda Mintle

You see her trying to balance the checkbook. You have some advice that you are ready to give. After all, you are just trying to be helpful, but it turns out that your partner may not appreciate that type of […]

Couples: How Far is Too Far?

posted by Linda Mintle

 “I did not have sex with that woman.” These words from President Clinton concerning his relationship with  White House intern. Monica Lewinsky. raised questions about what does and does not constitute marital infidelity. How does one define infidelity? Is it […]

One Secret to Keeping Love Alive

posted by Linda Mintle

Do you like to roller skating? How about hiking? Maybe consider taking cooking classes or release that inner artist by painting. You could be on to something and discovering one of the secrets to keeping love alive. When couples try […]

7 Myths About Infidelity

posted by Linda Mintle

Myth #1- Everybody is doing it. Marital fidelity is still the norm even though Hollywood depicts it as a dying possibility. Survey data suggests that 15% of women and 25% of men confess to straying. While these numbers are still […]

Is Your Marriage More Than a Contract?

posted by Linda Mintle

The way you think about marriage matters. When marriage is reduced to a set up conditions, you do this, I’ll do that… and as long as we are happy, we stay together, you’ve missed God’s design for marriage. Do you […]

Three Ways to Stop a Marriage from Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Ed and Jane were having marital problems.  Jane was at the point of walking out. Ed rarely spoke to her. This once loving couple was now thinking divorce. So what happened? Like too many couples, Ed and Jane waited too […]

Tackling Marriage Myths and Making Marriage Work (Video Blog)

posted by Linda Mintle

Dr. Linda tackles the marriage myths: .  I am a victim of my past I can’t change. Infidelity means automatic divorce. We are just two different people. We’ve grown apart.

Divorce Proof Your Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

Jack Hayford, gifted pastor, teacher and speaker, posed the question: “Do marriage vows matter?” It’s an important question that deserves more discussion. Hayford states that confronting the problem of divorce among Christians is not “a showdown between those who have […]

After the Admission of an Affair

posted by Linda Mintle

Susan was devastated. Her husband Dan was supposed to be in Cleveland on business. Instead he was seen vacationing in the Virgin Islands with a female co-worker. The betrayal took her by surprise. She couldn’t believe Dan would risk the […]

Complaints About Your Spouse? Tend Your Own Garden!

posted by Linda Mintle

 “I can’t live with this man. He makes me crazy. I constantly have to remind him of even the simplest things. He’s like having another child.” “She would make anyone insane. She always tells me what to do. All she […]

Feel Alone in Marriage?

posted by Linda Mintle

Feeling alone in your marriage? Well you are not alone–at least when it comes to that feeling. According to a comprehensive study of marriage by Penn State researcher Paul Amato and others, couples are spending less time together than ever. […]

Need a Promotion? Consider Marriage and Your Gender

posted by Linda Mintle

Want to live longer, stay healthy? Get married! True, but how does marriage impact the work place, specifically, does it help with promotions? The answer depends on your gender. Women NO; Men YES A study that looked at college professors […]

Could The Way You Start a Fight Predict Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

Jenna was really mad at her husband. He promised to come home at a reasonable hour. She cooked a fabulous meal, got the kids to bed but sat waiting in the silence. Two hours after his scheduled arrival, husband Tom […]

The New Normal? Children Born Outside of Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

More children are now being born outside of marriage, according to a new study by the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values. Click on the photo to watch this short interview to learn how this impacts children.

Does Your Relationship Pass an Easy Test?

posted by Linda Mintle

Years ago, martial researcher, John Gottman, discovered an easy marker for healthy relationships. It can provide you a quick assessment on how well you are doing with your partner. The “test” is called the five-to-one rule. If it is operating […]

5 Tips When Seeking Relationship Help

posted by Linda Mintle

Steve and Jan are growing apart. Their lack of connection is impacting their children and they need help. They have talked about going to see a couple therapist, but are reluctant. Yet, research shows that couple therapy works. Here are […]

A Marital Lesson from Hosea

posted by Linda Mintle

As a marital therapist for the past 30 years, I have seen too many couples divorce over fixable problems. When I talk about fixable problems I am referring to couples who stop liking each other, grow apart and refuse to […]

4 Tips on Marriage From Divorced Couples

posted by Linda Mintle

When researcher Terri Orbuch at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research interviewed couples who divorced, she learned what couples would have changed in their failed relationships. Here are 4 tips from those couples.      

Martial Problems? Try a Spiritual Solution

posted by Linda Mintle

Janet was about to divorce her husband but decided to meet with her pastor first. The counsel he gave her provided a new perspective on her relationship. The pastor pointed Janet to a passage of scripture, Matthew 17:14-21 . The […]

What We Learn When Celebrity Couples Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Today is a video blog. Russell Brand and Katie Perry are officially no longer a couple. What can we learn when celebrity couples break up? 3 quick tips to remember in order to keep your marriage intact.  

5 Quick Ways to Improve Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

I’m often asked to give a few tips on how to make your relationship better. Here are five quick tips: 1) Turn off media and engage with your partner. Looking at the person instead of a screen sends a message–you […]

Four Minutes, Four Times a Day to Improve Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

I’ve been through years of relationship training. During those years, some ideas seem like good ones, others not so much. At a recent seminar I attended, I liked this idea and thought I would pass it on. The leader of […]

Married? Are You in the Majority?

posted by Linda Mintle

With a growing desire to say, Yes to the dress, Karla often dreams of her wedding day. In her head, it is all planned out–her colors, the music, location, the rings, the cake and how the ceremony will be conducted. […]

Are You Normal When It Comes to Married Couples and Sex?

posted by Linda Mintle

Jennifer came to therapy because she was not having sex with her husband. She wondered if this was normal. It isn’t. Then she asked a question so many people ask, “What is normal when it comes to sex in marriage?” […]

And Why Am I Supposed to Cheer Brad and Angelina’s Engagement?

posted by Linda Mintle

Big entertainment news last week on the cover of People–after living together for seven year and having  six children, Brad and Angie are engaged. We supposed to be getting excited over this news. Hollywood is dishing it out: Could Brad […]

Will This Couple Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

John and Ann are asked about the history of their relationship. They have nothing positive to say. In fact, all they can remember are the problems. For years, they have been unable to deal with conflict in a way that […]

When Your Think Your Marriage is Over, Think Again!

posted by Linda Mintle

Sarah and John were at a family dinner. During a trip to the restroom, John pulled Sarah aside and said, “I’m done. No more of this. I want out of this marriage. ” Sarah, stunned and speechless, wondered what prompted […]

You Can’t Change Him, But You Can Change You!

posted by Linda Mintle

  One of the biggest problems in our relationships is that so many of us believe we can change another person. Truth is, we can’t. But we can change our reaction to that person and then the relationship changes.This lie, […]

How To Respond to Unfair Accusations

posted by Linda Mintle

My devotional reading this morning was quite challenging. It talked about responding to someone who accuses you. When a false accusation comes your way, the natural response is to lash out, come back with a real zinger, and put that […]

Couple Therapy For One Please

posted by Linda Mintle

Susan’s marital distress reached a tipping point, leading her to see a marital therapist. Her chief complaint was that her husband refuses to change, blames her for all the family problems, doesn’t hold a steady job and rarely takes responsibility […]

Later Life Divorce: Why Boomers Are Calling It Quits

posted by Linda Mintle

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal entitled, The Gray Divorce” brought attention to a growing trend–divorce after 50. The article reported that for people 50 or older, the divorce rate has doubled in he past two decades. At […]

Does It Matter What Your Wife Thinks?

posted by Linda Mintle

Tom’s wife made a spot on comment about his behavior, but Tom isn’t buying it. He looks at her and says, “You are wrong” and then becomes highly defensive. His wife tries again to explain her perception of the problem. […]

Do Opposites Really Attract?

posted by Linda Mintle

Are you emotionally expressive but attracted to someone who seems to be very reluctant to share his emotional feelings? It may be the intrigue that has captured your attention. Or perhaps it is the challenge of opening up someone who […]

The Key To Staying Married

posted by Linda Mintle

“I like you and want to stay married.” Great. But that probably isn’t going to cut it unless the commitment is much deeper. Think about it. Most people stay committed when the relationship goes well, but what about when stress […]

Can You Recognize This Famous Love Poetry?

posted by Linda Mintle

Happy Valentine’s Day! Here are portions of a famous piece of love poetry. Do you know who wrote it or where it is from? Read it before you look at the bottom for the answer. You might be surprised! Oh, […]

What Makes a Happy Couple Happy?

posted by Linda Mintle

A national survey  (the National Survey of Martial Strengths) was conducted on 21,501 married couples from all 50 state, using the assessment tool called ENRICH. The purpose of the survey was to identify what is it is that happy couples […]

WIll You Take The Date Night Challenge?

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, the city of Chicago is revving up for the Date Night Challenge, a not-for-profit venture involving businesses, churches and individuals that is designed to strengthen relationships. The goal is to have couples go on 5 million dates in […]

One Sure Way to Sink Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

You see it in sit coms. The “I don’t have a clue” husband whose wife is constantly telling him what to do or reminding him what he seems to be not doing. While we may laugh at this comedy routine, […]

Heidi Klum and Seal Separating: Why the Timing Isn’t Surprising

posted by Linda Mintle

Another celebrity couple decides to split. If you haven’t heard, Heidi Klum and Seal announced their decision to separate for “irreconcilable differences” after seven years of marriage involving four young children. Heidi Klum told reporters that she and Seal had […]

Conflict Resolution in a Family

posted by Linda Mintle

What happens to children when the parents can’t deal with conflict? You might be surprised at the impact on kids. Watch the video  

Look Out People: A Divorce May Just Kill You!

posted by Linda Mintle

Who likes to think about death, especially the things that can bring early death–getting hit by a car, smoking, excessive drinking, obesity, etc. But did you ever think that getting divorce could bring early death? Researchers at the University of […]

A Woman Scorn: Tiger Wood’s Ex-Wife Takes Down the House–Literally!

posted by Linda Mintle

I’ve seen my share of angry divorces in all my years as a marriage and family therapist, but this takes the cake. Angry spouses usually throw clothes out the door, pack boxes and ship them out and even remove furniture, […]

How Happy Couples Deal With Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

  How many times have you heard a couple say they need to work on resolving conflict? Well, it may surprise you to know that conflict resolution is not the solution to happy marriages. My parents were married 67 years […]

10 Possible Reasons For Kim Kardashian’s Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Yesterday I was interviewed multiple times on the radio, once in LA, to discuss the Kim Kardashian divorce. The interviewers felt Kim owed her fans a better explanation for the ending of her marriage. Here are  10 reasons I could […]

Could Kardashian Marital Trouble Been Predicted?

posted by Linda Mintle

It was big news yesterday. E! News released this statement from Kim Kardashian regarding hubby New Jersey Nets player Kris Humphries . “After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage,. I hope everyone understands this was not an […]

This Doctor Disagrees With The Doctors on Sexual Fantasies

posted by Linda Mintle

I am at the Y exercising. What do I hear as I am flipping the channels? It was The Doctors on their daily talk show and they made me crazy again! The Doctors were talking about “F” words today. The […]

How Couples Grow Apart

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, I am speaking at the American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference in Nashville, TN. My first session is entitled, Advances in Marital Therapy: What Works? We know what works, but the frustration is that too many couple […]

Staying Together or Growing Apart?

posted by Linda Mintle

Today is my 37th wedding anniversary and yes, I was a child bride! Seriously, I am so thankful for the person I married. The strength of our relationship comes from our unity in God. Like any marriage, we have had […]

Previous Posts

Are Your Tweets Tied to Heart Disease?
#AngryInNYC Another stupid person runs in to me. Sorry doesn’t cut it. Look up from your phone you idiot. This is just one example of Sara’s tweets that regular fill her Twitter account. It doesn’t take much to anger Sara. If someone ...

posted 7:00:10am May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

What To Do When Anger is Triggered
Anger is triggered by expectations, perceptions, and things people say and do. These hot buttons are triggers that cause the feeling to rise. Knowing your hot buttons can prepare you for future conflicts. To deal with hot buttons, think ...

posted 7:00:22am May. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Why You Shouldn't Withhold Sex in a Marriage
Aaron and Jill feels distant in their relationship. Because of the lack of closeness, their sex life has suffered. Aaron came to therapy wondering how to change this dynamic in their relationship. Sex is so important to a man’s emotional ...

posted 7:00:16am May. 18, 2015 | read full post »

Parenting: The Cost of Too High Expectations
Rita, like so many daughters, came to therapy because of a tense relationship with her parents. Rita feels her parents' expectations are too high and she can never measure up. Expectations, when too high or out of line with a child's true ...

posted 6:00:52am May. 13, 2015 | read full post »

Turning A Child Against a Parent
Jerry has no relationship with his children now that he and his wife are divorced. Prior to the divorce, Jerry was very involved in their lives. But the relationships took dramatic turns due to something called Parent Alienation Syndrome ...

posted 6:00:07am May. 12, 2015 | read full post »

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