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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Split: Telling All May Have Been Too Much

The gossip train is all a buzz with what looks like a split between pop diva, Mariah Carey and her husband, America’s Got Talent host, Nick Cannon. The usual suspects, TMZ, People, Hollywood Life and others are reporting the spilt, saying divorce is a done deal. The six-year marriage that produced  “Dembabies” is allegedly on the rocks. According to CNN Entertainment, the couple has been living apart in separate homes for months now.

Married for six years, the couple engaged in lavish yearly ceremonies to renew their vows in exotic locations like the Maldives, Beverly Hills, Paris, Disneyland, etc. That is, until this year. And while this couple enjoys celebrity status and has plenty of money to take care of their kids, money can’t buy you love.

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It may be that Cannon’s tell all March radio interview on Big Boy’s radio show was TMI (too much information). During the interview, he acknowledged hooking up with other celebrities including Kim Kardashian. Spilling the intimate details of your sexual antics to the public usually creates couple tension and feels like betrayal. No matter how much hooking up happens in Hollywood culture,  announcing it to the public is humiliating.

Betrayal is typically the result of a process that has been simmering below the surface of a relationship. For example, discontent, loneliness, and resentment are processed by negatively comparing the person to someone perceived to be better. Unfortunately, when this negativity builds, the people involved are not always aware of it.

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Then someone comes along and shows interest, validates the person, maybe even admires the person. When the betrayer engages this person and turns away from his or her partner, the process begins. The couple isn’t talking, but one person may be confiding in another. Closeness is building with an outsider and the negative comparisons get stronger. The partner’s emotions are ignored and distrust has set in. The negativity feeds the thought of maybe this is not the right person for me. This other person understands me better. The person is now ripe for betrayal.

Secrets are kept. Conflict is avoided. Emotional distance grows. A coalition with another person is formed. Distrust marks the original relationship. The betrayer has to justify his or her actions and thoughts by continuing to turn away from his or her partner and blame him or her for unhappiness. A line is crossed. Betrayal leads to divorce unless repair is made.

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Divorce is #2 on the well-known Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, scoring a whopping 73 points. Only Death of a Spouse rates higher. And that scale doesn’t account for celebrity/non-celebrity status. So while Hollywood may yawn at just another celebrity split, the people involved suffer tremendous emotional pain.

Don’t yawn and think, it’s Hollywood, big deal! Pray for the couple. Divorce may be common in Hollywood, but it is never painless. And the children pay the price.

 

 

 

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