Commonsense Christianity

Commonsense Christianity

Unchurched, or Church Free?

When we walk with God, it's important to get outside, away from walls on each side. Dream Catcher, original oil painting and licensed open edition print by Steve Henderson.

When we walk with God, it’s important to get outside, away from walls on each side. Dream Catcher, original oil painting and licensed open edition print by Steve Henderson.


We are a society that parses words, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing — consider the difference of implications between “anti-abortion” and “anti-choice” — and how we phrase things makes a huge difference in how our listeners or readers interpret our message.

For instance, lately in the news there are articles about couples choosing to not have children, and they refer to themselves as “child-free,” as opposed to “childless,” because they don’t like the impression that they are missing something, somehow, by the latter term. As the mum of four, I know that they are missing something indeed, just as I and the Norwegian Artist missed out on a different type of lifestyle because we chose to make less money and spend more time tracking down random socks and incomplete board games without all the pieces. You can’t have it all, and we’re fine with that.


Making A Conscious Decision to Pursue an Alternative

Within the Christian community, there is an unpleasant little term, “unchurched,” that seriously needs a modern counterpart, given that there are a number of committed Christians these days — like us — who for various reasons, no longer attend weekly worship services or participate in a community church establishment:


Like childfree, it implies a conscious decision to go about things a different way, although in our case, our conscious decision came after years and years of trying to fit in, adapting ourselves into a paradigm that the leadership community had set up, and resisting as we were gently, but inexorably, nudged out of the fold. What began as a three-month sabbatical from it all grew into a lifestyle that we embrace, and that works for us.


Many of today's church establishments have little patience, or room, for non-conformity. Diaphanous, original oil painting and licensed open edition print by Steve Henderson.

Many of today’s church establishments have little patience, or room, for non-conformity. Diaphanous, original oil painting and licensed open edition print by Steve Henderson.


With more than 75 combined years of sitting in church pews, the Norwegian Artist and I could hardly be considered “unchurched,” which implies, incidentally, that we are “un-Christian.” If you could get us to walk into a church, any Protestant church, on a Sunday morning, we would fit right in, singing the proper songs, putting on the appropriate face, turning to greet one another in the allotted time, listening and looking interested during announcement time, maybe (but it’s really, really unlikely) writing notes about the sermon onto the back of the bulletin.

We are completely and totally versed with proper church etiquette, so we are not “unchurched.” We are simply not in a church building on any given Sunday morning because we choose not to be.


The Numbers Are Increasing

And we are a growing population of committed, frustrated Christians, who fully recognize that there is no such thing as a perfect church, so that’s not why we’re staying away. But we are bored with the routine, not interested in joining a series of groups, and tired of being pressed into a mold. As I mentioned to one pastor (yes, I, a lowly woman, expressed my opinion to a leadership male), “If we were rounded up and sent to jail for attending these services, would our sacrifice be worth it?”

Danged if he didn’t shake his head, lightly, “No.”

Immediately afterward he launched into the “no church is perfect” spiel and encouraged me to “be patient.”


It Takes All Kinds of People

Our lifestyle choice obviously doesn’t work for everyone, and we didn’t approach it cavalierly — as I said, we have 75 combined years of trying to make this work. It is, however,  the best choice for us, and many others like us, right now. In our own case, we added homeschooling, homebirth, and building our own home to the mix, so we’re either really, really weird or really, really independent, but that very series of factors made us really, really uncomfortable in the weekly — and now it’s multiple times weekly — community church environment.

At times, I do wish that there were an intimate group situation into which we could fit and thrive. And I do realize that we have to make some adaptations — we have, for many years. We chose to stop, however, when we realized that all the required adaptations came from our side, and if we were ever going to truly fit in, we would have to radically change who we are.



  • Pingback: “If I Leave Church, Will I Lose My Friends?” - Commonsense Christianity

  • teapartyofone

    I left my church for about 7 years and during that time referred to myself as “Christian-At-Large.” The pain of staying in the church became greater than the pain of leaving.

  • Sara Huizenga

    Thank you for sharing your still like Jesus, non-judgemental, less secular option for christians ♡♡♡

  • Carolyn Henderson

    S.T. — my friend, thank you for your words and your prayers, and I send you my prayers for you and your beautiful, precious daughters.

    Be encouraged. “There is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Sythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.” (Colossians 2:11)

    Our differences in outlook, life experiences, and way of processing things does not mitigate or weaken the unity we have in Christ, and He is the one holding us together.

  • S.T. McNeill

    Just to clarify my heart: Yes, i know you are indeed a Christian, by your baptism and your zeal in your faith; we are indeed sons and daughters of Christ. I am also aware that you did not need me to tell you the obvious. I only point this out to explain further why I asked so pointedly if you knew what the “Body of Christ” means as it relates to the word “church”. Unfortunately some people have given me different answers in the past.

    I do not know why I felt so compelled to stop and write to you in this blog, for I have Never done so in the past before! Something compelled me to do so. As I mentioned before I know that we live in a very broken scattered society where people are desparetly seeking Truth, Love and Peace where they can find it. We are nation of approx. 32,000 continual dividing Christian “denominations”(def. de- nomina “taking ‘from~ the Name'”)

    I believe this is not what Christ wanted nor would He approve of, but nevertheless because of the the great gift of free will He certainly permits it. The more I hear people tell their stories the more I am sincerely saddened by their choices. Not because you and others do not conform to my world views but truly it is in Christ Himself who would be amissed when He stated in John 6: 52-71, and in particular the last paragraph 67-71…

    You see Carolyn, as I mentioned in the last letter, people leave for many reasons…when people start subtracting all the parts of worship throughout history(such as liturgy,theology,authority, scriptures, disgusting scandals, music, babies crying, annoying parishioners or lousy offending bedside manners of clergy etc..) we make those the issues and as a consequence we lose much what really matters most., which is Christ Himself. (as mentioned in the earlier scriptural passage). So many have left to appease their own concerns but ultimately ending up hurting themselves more than what they bargained for. Why? Because that “something” they are leaving is really a SomeOne – Christ. You remove Him you remove and diminish the Fullness of Christ Himself! You begin to form your own conclusions outside of the Deposit of Faith–and His Church-the Body of Christ.

    The Chistian “Church” is not merely a building or a fellowship or even an organization, but a living organic covenant family.(Which came way before the bible was written–1Timothy 3:15)

    Carolyn, I know it is ultimately the Holy Spirit job that carries the full burden of enlightenment in peoples hearts- not me! But it is my prayer that we can become more full of grace and love as our Lord Christ intended for us all to be— One, United in Fullness and Abundance in Him! By praying and seeking answers we may truly renew His universal family.

    Pray for me and my two daughters as
    I do for you and your loved ones. Thank you for your blog!
    Peace to you

  • Carolyn Henderson

    S.T. Thank you for your words and thoughtful analysis. I’ll just go to the answer of your question — “Church” is not a denomination, not a building, not an activity — it is the body of Christ, which, as you observe, does not agree on everything (nor should we! Scripture is so deep and complex that it would be alarming if one group, voice, or person came up with the definitive answer to everything).

    I am part of this body, as is every follower of Christ — some of us attend church, some of us don’t. Those who attend churches go to a variety of choices (for some reason, this is okay; it’s only when people leave the church situation that we are called out as “breaking up the unity” of Christ). We are called to love one another, and this is something each one of us can do, individually on our own turf, as we walk and breath through each day.

    We are sons and daughters of our heavenly Father. That’s the church.

  • S.T. McNeill


    Thank you for your prompt reply.

    I just read recently from the “Pew Study” that reported a larger number of young people are declaring themselves as “non-affiliated” with organized religion otherwise known as the “nones”. This concerns me since we live a very splintered Christian nation that has been constantly sub-dividing and isolating itself for over 500 years. The unintended consequences are (from my own experiences) is that as fewer Christians are becoming less and less informed in their faith, the more they will aptly form their own faulty premises and faulty conclusions as to what “Truth” means thus they become very jaded; disconnected and eventually opt out of spiritual life all together.

    I am quite aware as to the reasons why people leave their church communities. Whether it is because of theological differences, tragedies, or perhaps petty proclivities. I sincerely do not dismiss their pains and reasons for departing, however, I do wonder at what point do my Christian brothers and sisters realize that unity is extremely important to the ” Body of Christ”.

    I have faced my own challenges and offences by those in my faith and the historical arguments against the faith are very numerous. Yet I remain staunchly and joyfully close to Christ simply because He is exactly where He wants to be -amongst sinners; hypocrites and deceivers; doubters and ignoramuses. In spite of all this and more…I remain close by His side.

    By staying “By His side”, I have joy and comfort in staying faithfully connected thus thru great perseverance and trust: In,thru and with the faith I can honestly say I share in a very small part of Christ’s own sufferings.

    And so I truly pray for those with great compassion, for those I know sincerely seeking comfort in a very broken, torn world and personal negative experiences by which the only way you can make sense of the sheer mendacity is to create their own Christian space and place.

    For me its comes down to just one word… it encapsulates the whole of everything that He gave us and died for. It is the one word that I very often give to those who ask why do I stay so strong in faith, hope and love.

    I will let you know if you like, next time when I write.

    But I still would like to know further what exactly you mean when you say “Body of Christ” as it pertains to “church”?

    Hope this blog was not too long…Peace to you and your family,


  • Carolyn Henderson

    Thank you for your prayers, S.T. It is gracious of you to put me in them.

    The time since I wrote this article has been well and fruitfully spent, and the frustration which you hear and read has ripened into something better — a rich satisfaction and joy in the path upon which I have been called. Time and maturity have healed, and continue to heal, the irritations and wounds, and I have been able to interact with my brothers and sisters in Christ in ways that I was too busy to do so before.

    Some of these brothers and sisters I knew through church settings, and we have interacted in outside settings that are more open to communication with one another. I ask questions, they ask questions, we learn from one another and grow.

    Other brothers and sisters I have met and interacted with online. Still others are those I encounter just through living — I know nothing about where (or if) they go to church, but we have had some rich, good conversations that result, again, in our learning from one another. And then there are those — many, many of those — with whom I have been able to interact who are searching, seeking, looking, and questioning, but hesitate to call themselves anything because they don’t look like what they think they’re supposed to look like. But they’re asking good, serious questions, and they are committed to finding the answers. Jesus is someone they’re very serious about, and their lives, and words, reflect this.

    That looks like a good church to me — God’s children scattered throughout the planet who seek to live by His words and be His children. Some of them go to church, some don’t; some love the weekly meetings and thrive there, others have been hurt and are in various stages of healing.

    I understand that one of the major concerns expressed about people “leaving church” is that we will not have fellowship with other believers, but I am finding, in my own experience at least (and I have heard the same experience happening to others), much more fellowship, learning, teaching, interacting, caring for, and loving than I encountered in the more formal, prescribed, socially acceptable and “normal” setting that we are taught to associate with Christianity.

  • S.T. McNeill


    I understand your frustration with church life in a church building that so often is based on the flavor of personality and ambience that is distant (even if there are sincere christian believers that you are compatible with…) As I understand you are dissatisfied because you desire something more authentic, and perhaps something more sublime. I would like to ask you; what do you think “church” means? or another words, What is your interpretation of the “Body of Christ” being part of the “church”? I also sense that you are not totally indifferent to community worship just overwhelmed with conformity that leaves you more empty than fulfilled. You are in my prayers.

    S.T. McNeill

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Thank you, Jon. I am glad that you are seeking the God of love, and looking for the real thing as opposed to a substitute.

    Interestingly, the Bible I have owned for years is brown –because it has a leather cover — but it’s not little! I enjoy going back and forth through the Old and New Testaments, and find I am continually discovering as I read and re-read passages that I thought were familiar. There is much to reflect upon . . .

  • Jon Brown

    Hi Carolyn,

    How wonderful that you chose not to radically change who you are to fit in! Too many people do, and without much thought.

    We are the friends of the Little Brown Bible, a small group of people trying to focus on that which is the only important thing to us: The message of Jesus. We don’t go to church. We have had it with organized religion. And we are not really friends of the bible, at least not most of it. We are friends of the Little Brown Bible, which is something entirely different.

    We have come back to the original Christianity – the one Jesus preached, not the one which has extorted money, waged wars and kept its crimes hidden behind thick walls for centuries. What we found was not a stern and moralizing God, but a kind, loving, humble God, whose message, when freed from the shackles of organized religion, is one of freedom, truth, love and compassion.

    Through studying the simple rules of life, given by Jesus and condensed in the Little Brown Bible, which is our preferred scripture, we have realized that bigger is not better; that plain is beautiful; and that by being poor, we can be rich.

    You are welcome to see what we’re about here:

    God Bless!


  • Carolyn Henderson

    Isn’t it funny how living as an individual is considered “dangerous” somehow? And indeed, in some way it is, to those who want us to group think, all following a prescribed pattern of thought set up by somebody else. “Herd mentality,” which sounds to me quite negative, is spun as the right way to live — like a group of zebras or wildebeests.

    The buzz word these days, which has been gently inserting itself in dialogue for many years, is “community,” with the happy image of people sitting on the porches of small towns, gently rocking and calling out, “Hello, neighbor!” and we are encouraged, as Christians, to join the “community” of believers in our local church bodies. But what we are not encouraged to do is be true members of a community, with individual voices, and use those voices to ask questions: “Why are things done this way? Did Jesus really say that? And did He mean it the way you’re interpreting it?”

    I’m sure you run into people who accuse you of being isolated, weirdly alone and anti-social because you don’t find great joy in sitting in the midst of a crowd, nodding your head while the speaker at the head intones his interpretation of wisdom. A very little amount of commonsense and wisdom is needed to see that nobody (other than God) cares about your life, and your family, as much as you do, and many of the people who are so eager to insert themselves into your lives are paid to do so. They’re not there at 2 in the morning when a sick child is throwing up. They’re not there when that same child comes running home, sobbing, because they were the only ones not invited to a birthday party. They’re not there in the thousands of little moments that make up life and truly matter.

    May you and your family find rich blessing within the love and trust that you have with one another, and this blessing of love cannot help but spill out into the world around you.

  • John Byde

    Hi Steve, I respect your views on this and the eloquence with which you put them across. However, many people leave their churches not just because they are bored and want a better fix, but because the churches available to them just don’t conform to what they read in the gospels. That is my situation. I would love to find a church that does conform bo the NT, but there doesn’t seem to be one any where close. I think too there can be a fellowship of believers outside the established church organisations. Best regards.

  • John Byde

    HI Carolyn. Great article. I totally agree with your thoughts about the church. The church is the people, not the building, organisation, etc. In our town here in Switzerland, the protestant church went very liberal and politically correct (yes, blessing homosexual “unions”, etc.) so I joined the Catholic church. After a while, I found that that had nothing to do with the bible and a lot to do with the power and hierarchy of the catholic church. Therefore, we decided to “go it alone”. We’re also homeschoolers and after 4 caesarians, my wife would dearly love to have a home-birth. In conclusion, it can seem to outsiders like we are just being all hissy and over-individualistic by rejecting corporate churches, but I really see no choice when the institutional churches have nothing in common with the new testament.

  • Carolyn Henderson

    There is a distinct misconception that when people opt to leave the weekly organized meeting paradigm of a church denomination, they no longer fellowship with other believers, which, as you rightly note, is vitally important for us who are in our Father’s family. It is the same misconception that people have about homeschoolers — parents so committed to their children’s education that they endure slurs, misunderstanding, and financial repercussions from their choice to take their children’s education in hand (something that was not thought unusual in yesteryear, incidentally). Unable to work in a system that is essentially set up to keep that system running, as opposed to doing what it loudly proclaims that it does, educate children, the parents have no choice but to leave. The parallels between the contemporary public education system and the public church system are disturbingly close, but then again, both of them are highly influenced by a corporate environment.

    So, those of us who leave the establishment setting do not leave fellowship, and indeed, many of us find the fellowship, teaching, and sharpening of the swords we were longing for, but totally missing out in the circus parade of small groups, adult bible fellowship, ministry meetings, and leadership teaching days.

    My interpretation of the church is that it is, indeed, the bride of Christ — the collection of believers all around the world — and certainly not limited to 150 people who attend the same building we do each week — and that we are to love and encourage one another. For some reason, it’s perfectly okay to stay insulated within our specific group, whether it’s that 150 people, or 25 in a real small fellowship, or 5,000 in a mega-church, and never really connect with the other believers around us, because they don’t go to our church.

  • Steve Edmondson

    If you read the scriptures it will tell you that Christ loved the church and there is the reference to the church being the bride of Christ. Your concept of the church seems a bit flawed. The church is the body of believers not a building or one particular leader in a group. Are you going to like heaven if you don’t want to be part of a group of believers here? The purpose of the church is to bring believers to gather to worship the Lord, build up and encourage the believers with proper doctrine, and to support one another in difficult situations. I don’t know what churches you attended, but if you are in fellowship with other believers I don’t see how things could be so intolerable that you would just isolate yourself. I think your church idea of church-free is unscriptural and dangerous to those that follow you in it. Like it or not the church is the institution that God gave us to carry on his work. Just dropping out is not the answer.

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Thank you, Becky, for your thoughtful observations and kind words. I think a lot revolves around the concept of “corporate church,” which is what the animal is increasingly looking like these days. In the same way that people who escape the modern office cubicle — by being downsized and ousted, frequently, since most people have an understandably hard time up and quitting their jobs — look back and say, “It was hard — especially losing an income! But I don’t miss the office politics,” people who leave the corporate church look back after time as well and say, “It was hard, leaving, because this is what I was taught to be the norm. But it was a substitute for the real thing, and I’m glad that God taught me to be patient with the process.”

    You hit it when you said it’s that familiarity of the Sunday morning experience — so familiar that people from across the widest denominational differences can fit into “church etiquette.” This is not God, and this is not the pursuit of God — this is a system of man which can be used for good, but quite often, can also be used to keep people somnambulant, obedient, unquestioning, and tractable.

    The latest buzz these days is that people are leaving the establishment church because they’re tired of the celebrity culture, and cult, around major figures in the system. While this no doubt is part of the problem, I think people are chafing under the climate and expectation of obedience — whether or not one attends a mega-church with a celebrity pastor or a small one with an ordinary person, the message of the corporate church is that the people below obey the people above — in direct contradiction to Christ’s own words that those who would lead, would serve.

    The road to faith is a bit lonely, because few people are actively on it, and when you choose to leave the wide road, you generally walk alone with just Christ for awhile. And this is not a bad thing, because in the silence and quietude, He is able to teach so that we can hear, and take the time that we need to counteract years — a lifetime — of misinformation and dissimilitude. The beauty of the Internet, however, opens our eyes to a broader world, and while we may not know anyone in our immediate circle who is experiencing what we are, we can find them somewhere on the globe.

    This is why I write — to reach out to, find, and encourage the people who are agitating under the yoke that man binds across their shoulders, and waken to the desire deep within them that they want the real thing. When our primary goal in the life we have been given down here is to seek out God our loving Father, and get to know Him, then the opinions of those around us do not sway our decisions and lifestyle.

  • Becky0237

    Carolyn, I just read a bunch of your articles…where have you been all my life?!?You even home birthed! Me too. And four months ago I finally took a little break from Sunday morning when my husband said, “it’s supposed to be a “day of rest” not a “day of stress””. The little break is becoming a long term thing. I Am constantly questioning my decision to step away from corporate church since it has been such a constant in my life but I truely believe I have more freedom and room to grow and live apart from It. Missing the familiarity of the Sunday morning group but trusting God has plans and purpose for me and my family.
    Your words are very encouraging because you are talking to exactly where I’m at right now. The road to faith apart from corporate church seems less lonely now.

  • Charles G

    Carolyn, thank you for the reply. Interestingly, much of what I’ve learned I learned outside of a church setting. I guess it could be that I wasn’t being held back, throttled if you will, in learned like you’ve mentioned so I can completely relate. Don’t get me wrong, I like the church I’m going to. The pastor is down to earth and tells it how it is and isn’t afraid to step on people’s toes and such. Also I’ve met people and have made some new aquaintances.

    I’m also reading your book “Living Happily on Less”. It’s really good. May our Father bless you and your family richly.

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Hello, Charles — thank you for finding me and for your kind comments. I am glad that you have found a good place where you feel accepted and free to be the person Christ is calling you to be.

    As my article addresses, we did not leave the establishment church by choice, and did everything we could do — including compromising who we really were — to stay there. Our leaving was akin to the person on the job who is pushed out, fingernails hanging onto the edge so they don’t fall. We couldn’t see how one could pursue a true Christian existence without a weekly church service. But when we looked around (“church hopped” as people disparagingly say), and found more of the same, we ultimately left for the same reason that we home schooled and had our children with midwifes at home — we did not like the standard options with which we were presented.

    That being said, our faith and growth happened outside of the church setting. That came as a surprise to us. We had no idea that we had been so stunted in our growth for so long, and we literally ate up God’s word in a way we had never consumed it before. There was nothing to stop us — no lifted eyebrow, no gentle admonishment of, “Maybe you’d better think about what you’re saying,” no weekly pressure to walk a certain direction. In the midst of a situation we had resisted for so long, and entered unwillingly, we found what we had been looking for, for a long, long time.

    It doesn’t matter where we are — in a church establishment, out of it, or doing something in between — we are all called to lean on our Father and learn from Him. Outside of a church setting, this is challenging because we do not have a weekly chorus cheering us on. Inside a church setting, however, this same weekly chorus can be dragging us back. Wherever we are, we give our lives and situation to God and have Him teach and direct us.

    May you and your family be blessed in your walk, and may there be much discussion, thought, and prayer about who you are in God’s family, how much you are loved, and what He would have you to do each day.

  • Charles G

    Hello, I found your site today and I’ve read at least 7 of your articles as of the time of writing this. You are incredibly gifted at getting to the truth of the matter and keeping your readers interested. My family and I are currently going to a church establishment and they are very good as they go by Scripture. I for am wouldn’t mind doing as you do and be church-free because I believe my faith is strong enough I know how to find the truth and test everything whereas my family is not (wife and in-laws, sad but true). I’ll be adding your site to my list of frequented sites. May our Father in Heaven bless you and yours richly.

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Lee: your childhood sounds like that of my Norwegian Artist, except as the son of a Pentecostal preacher, his weekly obligations were less High Church. I imagine the two of you could have quite a talk on the back porch together!

    I fully understand the experience of looking into the eyes of a newborn and saying, “Where did this doctrine of original sin come from?” Its very name clues us to the fact that it is not listed in the Bible in the neat, tidy form in which we receive it. I put it with the Four Spiritual Laws, that insistent little tract that gives us explicit instructions — far more explicit than anything we find in the Bible — about how to get to heaven. In other words, I move beyond it, and explore the God, the Gospels, and Scripture, without its influence. Or rather — I am in the process of moving beyond it, and seeking the truth of who God is without man’s doctrines and opinions, regardless of how old those opinions are (Wikipedia tells me that we have Irenaeus, of the 2nd century, and Augustine, to thank for this pervasive belief).

    Because, like you, I am church free, it is easier to explore concepts that we would be shut down, and shut out, for when looking into in more conventional settings. This — not God, not truth, not hope — is the evil of religion, this dictating of our thoughts and insisting that we all believe a certain way, or it is not truth. That the birth and existence of a child brought you growth is not unusual — children point us to truths that we adults would not otherwise be able to see.

  • Lee Picton

    Fewer children were more churched than I. My dad was an Episcopalian priest, so without question I attended church 3 times on Sunday (early service, Sunday school, and adult), sang in the choir, went to youth group (on Sunday evening), did stations of the cross every Wednesday during advent, went to catechism before confirmation, and was confirmed by the presiding bishop when in high school. At no time did I ever feel any religious sentiment, even at confirmation. At college, went to one service out of duty, and except for home vacations, and my own wedding (performed by Daddy), never attended a church again, except for weddings and funerals of others. I suspected I was an unbeliever, but the final nail in the coffin was when I delivered a child and had to confront the doctrine of original sin, and the realization that all of it was a staggering lie. I was an atheist and had been since the age of seven. What a relief to have the world finally make sense. I am not just unchurched, I am church free. And since the internet have discovered that not only am I not alone, I am in the company of millions and millions, with numbers growing daily. There is hope yet that mankind may someday be free of the evil of religion.

  • Donna Whitfield

    I have experienced the Us versus Them thing, which was never my desire, by the way; unfortunately, I’ve found the way church is set up, that’s how it usually works. Thankfully I am past that struggle, and have learned to allow God to speak to individuals Himself and pray for them to find their own way into his loving arms and the freedom he so graciously offers us. There’s so much I don’t pretend to understand, even now, but it has been a blessing to find out that I don’t have to understand or try to convince anyone else. We each are only responsible to our God for how we live. What a relief! I love Him!

  • Carolyn Henderson

    A good post, Linda. Like you, I interact back and forth with Christians in various venues, and I find many well entrenched in conventional church who are constantly feeling bad about themselves, constantly questioning Christ’s love for them, constantly critiquing themselves because they are not good enough. This hurts.

    May you continue to be blessed in your message and love to others — as we put to death the Church of Law and discover the rich grace and mercy of the Church of Love.

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Oh, yes, Donna! It’s an incredible journey — on a very narrow, winding road — but as you observe, it takes us to beautiful places. It takes time, retraining ourselves out of our training, accepting that our relationship with God is very personal, and that fellowship with other believers comes in many formats — and that God, when we give Him the lead — will bring people into our lives.

    Those of us who have chosen to leave the establishment are in a minority, and it doesn’t have to be an Us versus Them thing, but as more of us choose different roads, may there be and increase in wisdom, discernment, and grace within the true church of Christ, which represents His followers, not a building or a denomination.

  • Donna Whitfield

    It’s taken awhile, but after many, many years of being “churched” and not having a clue who God intended me to be because I conformed (mostly against my will :) ) to what spiritual leaders decided was the best (or only) way to follow God, I am finally learning who I am and who I want to be in this very personal relationship with my God! It’s a wonderful thing to learn, with His help, to be free to follow him in the way he leads! Thank you for sharing.

  • Linda Buchelt Spaulding

    Agreed. I find myself pastoring these very individuals. You can read my story at:

  • Pingback: What Kind of People Leave Church? - Commonsense Christianity

  • Pingback: The Wrong Gospel and How It’s Chasing People out of Church - Commonsense Christianity

  • Carolyn Henderson

    You are welcome, my friend — I am glad that this touched a chord. We spent many years feeling like 80-percent Christians because we just couldn’t fit into the system, and even when we left it, part of our minds would say, “You’ll be complete, someday, when you find a way to go back.”

    No more. We are where we are because God has put us there, and we marvel at each day’s journey. The very frustration we felt in trying to fit into the system is what prompted me to start writing about it, because I realized, “We’re not alone. There are others out there, marginalized, and many of them have no desire to go back, or find a substitute. But they’re tired of feeling alone and unimportant.” I write to find seekers, and let them know — keep seeking, keep asking, keep striving to know more of God — you’re not on a path to the right path, you are, right now, on the right path.

  • Anonymous

    I love you, sister! I could not have expressed this for my husband and I any better! Thank you for your candid, honest truth!

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Hi, Faith — I’m glad that you found me over here. Last year at FASO, when I began exploring the concept of deception and deceit in the world of art and the world of business, things began meshing for me — I began to see how my life as a Christian, and a businessperson, a writer, and wife/partner to the Norwegian Artist, were intrinsically related. You can’t talk about routing out deceit, or thinking independently, or valuing your privacy, or pursuing what you do with integrity and honor, without it coming, full circle, back to your belief system — and when you’re a Christian, you realize that it really is ALL Christ, not just dropping the name of Jesus here and there to give yourself the illusion that He matters to you, but doing the hard stuff: trusting Him, believing what He says, and asking Him to align your life in accordance with that belief and His words.

    While I am church-free at the moment, I don’t advocate people storming out the doors en masse — but I do encourage those who stay in a regular church environment to take it back for themselves, and not allow a leadership segment at the top of the pyramid to dictate how everything is run. We were simply not interested enough to put the energy in, when too many people in the local flock were satisfied with the status quo.

    I have not read the book you read, but Jacobson’s book, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Any More (with Dave Coleman) was one we read in the earlier part of our journey. It provided insight at the time when we needed it, but then we were ready, mature, and grown-up enough to walk the path Christ was setting before us. It’s great that people are finding alternatives, but one must always be aware when the alternatives are pushed so hard that they become the ultimate answer — it’s like insisting that everyone homeschool. Some will do it, and do it well. Others will thrive in private or public school settings, but the options, and additional ones, must be open. The Organic Church movement seems to be big on the alternative setting now which is nice, but it’s not something we have found ourselves drawn to. As Christians, we must be free to walk the path Christ sets before each of us, and if others do not understand or accept this path, then that’s just part of the walk.

    Thank you for finding me, and for writing such thoughtful commentary — despite the mysterious three boxes. It looks like your comment came through just fine!

  • Faith

    How fascinating to read you here! So far I have been reading your articles on FASO and always find them very interesting. Now I am discovering your Christian side in addition to the artistic side. And I am fascinated that we have a lot in common.
    I would not call my self “churchless” but I have come to a place in life where I am at peace not to go to church every Sunday, partly because I realized that I do not need more “left-brain information” but deeper fellowship with God and fellow travelers. And I am a person you finds that more in one-on-one or small group settings.
    So, I was wondering if you know “The God Journey” where Wayne Jacobsen enourages people to pursue intentional community and living “inside the love of an awesome Father and outside the box of religious performance”?

    P.S. There are three boxes above this one, but I am not sure what to put in there. There are no hints.

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Tom: This is fascinating. The concept of hell is indeed a controversial one, and I appreciate the information that you have shared. I will keep this in mind as I read, meditate, study, and continue to learn.

    I like your last sentence, and while I don’t think that the first part is going to happen in a mass exodus anytime soon, I do hope that the last part will do so. Because whether or not the first part happens, the second part shapes and creates people who stand up, speak out, think for themselves, and grow. They may find, as my family did, that the standard church experience hinders them in this process; they may also use their growth and maturity to effect change from the inside.

    I think of it like homeschooling — we ourselves had no interest in working with the public school system, because we find it pretty much broken, so we pulled out. We have no problem with the people who are still in the system — if they are aware of its problems and actively working to do something about it. It may be a losing battle, but the first part of winning any battle is awareness on the part of the people in the midst of it.

    The book of John repeatedly tells us to love one another, and I confess I have difficulty doing this with people who approach me and say, “You’re not a Christian because you’re not in church.” I came to the conclusion that, in my life, I wasn’t going to turn this into the equivalent of the Mommy wars — moms at home versus moms working outside the home — so while I can’t help it if pro-church service people attack my position, I won’t lash out at theirs (which you haven’t, in your comment, by the way).

    Your words exhibit a strong confidence and comfort in your relationship with Christ, attributes that cannot fail but come through in your daily interaction with people. I wish you joy and peace, and I thank you for reading my article, and taking time to write such a thoughtful, measured reply.

  • Tom H

    I’m an exchurcher. I believe the inspired written word of God is sufficient. I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church, but I left it when I was a young man to seek the truth elsewhere. I experimented with psychedelics and Asian philosophies, and then I tried the Protestant Church for awhile.

    Eventually I studied church history and realized the church is just the remnant of the religious arm of the Roman Empire. The word “church” is not even in scripture. It is a mistranslation of the Greek “ekklesia,” literally “out-called,” correctly translated “ecclesia,” referring to those called out of all nations to be the body of Christ.

    The church tortured and killed people for reading scripture because the church did not want people to know the truth about universal reconciliation and the salvation of all mankind.

    The church failed to suppress scripture by killing people with fire, but the church intentionally mistranslated scripture to deceive people and control them with fear of torture in fire forever.

    The common misconception of “hell” is a lie perpetrated by the church supported by forgery in the popular translations of scripture.

    The word “hell” is an Old English word used to translate the Greek “hades,” literally meaning “un-perceived” or “unseen,” which refers to the “unseen” state of a dead soul.

    “Gehenna” was confused with “hell” by intentional mistranslation twelve times in the Douay-Rheims Catholic Version and the King James Version in the following verses: Matthew 5:22,29,30, 10:28, 18:9, 23:15,33; Mark 9:43,45,47; Luke 12:5; James 3:6.

    “Gehenna,” the ravine of Hinnom southwest of Jerusalem, was used by the ancient apostate Jews to sacrifice their children in fire to Moloch, an Ammonite god.

    “Gehenna” was later used to burn the corpses of criminals condemned to death as it will be in the coming eon.

    Christ did not use the English word “hell” when he spoke of “Gehenna.”

    Christ referred to Isaiah 66:23,24 when he spoke of “Gehenna.”

    “And it will come to be, as often as the new moon comes in its monthly time, And as often as the sabbath comes in its sabbath cycle, All flesh shall come to worship before Me, says Yahweh. And they will go forth and see the corpses of the mortals who transgressed against Me, For their worm shall not die, And their fire shall not be quenched, And they will become a repulsion to all flesh.” (Isaiah 66:23,24)

    “Hell” is obviously not “the lake of fire” because “hell” will be cast into “the lake of fire” (Revelation 20:14).

    Even the adulterated versions of scripture say God is the savior of all mankind who will reconcile all through Christ so that God may be all in all.

    “we rely on the living God, Who is the Saviour of all mankind, especially of believers” (1 Timothy 4:10)

    “through Him to reconcile all to Him (making peace through the blood of His cross), through Him, whether those on the earth or those in the heavens” (Colossians 1:20)

    “Yet now Christ has been roused from among the dead, the Firstfruit of those who are reposing. For since, in fact, through a man came death, through a Man, also, comes the resurrection of the dead. For even as, in Adam, all are dying, thus also, in Christ, shall all be vivified. Yet each in his own class: the Firstfruit, Christ; thereupon those who are Christ’s in His presence; thereafter the consummation, whenever He may be giving up the kingdom to His God and Father, whenever He should be nullifying all sovereignty and all authority and power. For He must be reigning until He should be placing all His enemies under His feet. The last enemy is being abolished: death. For He subjects all under His feet. Now whenever He may be saying that all is subject, it is evident that it is outside of Him Who subjects all to Him. Now, whenever all may be subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also shall be subjected to Him Who subjects all to Him, that God may be All in all.” (1 Corinthians 15:20-28)

    “out of Him and through Him and for Him is all” (Romans 11:36)

    Get out of church and into the word of God.

  • Pingback: Two Reasons Why the World Hates Christians - Commonsense Christianity

  • Pingback: Who are YOU to Speak for the LORD? - Commonsense Christianity

  • Pingback: Your Christian Mission Statement - Commonsense Christianity

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Yvonne — one of the reasons I began writing about the subject of commonsense Christianity is because I was looking for the Lost Sheep of Israel — that’s you and me, and people like us, who have either been marginalized out of a church setting, or, if a person is still in it, they just don’t feel like they “belong,” or that they have any gifts, ideas, or abilities that anyone would want or need.

    This is a sad loss of a large segment of Christ’s church. Many of us have left because we do not feel that independent thought is recognized or encouraged, so that means that many, many independently thinking Christians are going through the day, thinking that they’re worthless or unneeded. We need one another, and as we communicate and grow together, we learn how to reach out to the people back in the pews — our brothers and sisters who think that we are lost — and bury our differences so that we can work together to show Christ to a lost world.

    It’s amazing how, when you tell people that you don’t attend church, one of the first responses is, “You are leaving the body of Christ!” This is like telling a homeschooler, “You don’t educate your children!” There are many different personalities, and many ways of doing things, and those of us who are church-free, are pursuing an alternative where we are not given many to choose from. I love getting together with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I do so when the opportunity presents itself — in person, over tea, on the Internet. Just not in a church pew, anymore.

    I’m glad you found me! — Carolyn

  • R Yvonne Colclasure

    I too am a Church Free Christian. I long for the day I find a church (or group) that is open to the presence of the Holy Ghost once again. I do miss the worship services, but I put in my worship CDs while I work in my studio. I am glad to know I am in Good Company. Thank you for a place to come for comradery.

  • Carolyn Henderson

    Lori: I recently read in an issue of Voice of the Martyrs how one pastor in a closed country, where people cannot meet together safely, creatively solved the problem: he picks up six or so church members at a time in the van, they drive around singing and learning, sharing and listening, and then he drops them off and picks up six more. This way, they just look like people driving around in a van, and not like a church. A very imaginative, creative approach.

    Our issue in this country is not that we can’t meet together, but that when we do, it’s frequently the same old thing, or worse, a promotion of new and improved ways of doing things that mimic what we’re seeing in the corporate world, and many people, like you or me, feel as if we don’t fit in. I am happy that you have found a good place where you can ignore what bothers you, and still pull out of it what you need. We, in a very rural area, have few options, and they all pretty much look the same. After awhile, we just got tired of adapting and changing and putting up with things, and found that we returned home in a more depressed state than when we arrived. As I mentioned, we would love to find an option — and it will be along the lines of the creative pastor in the van — but for now, our option is to connect with Christians as we can and do outside of a conventional setting.

    It reminds me a bit of homeschooling, or home birth, both of which were looked down upon initially, and the people wanting to do them were told, “You just need to make what exists work.” But they didn’t — they said, as we are saying, “This just isn’t working. Too many people aren’t listening. And for us — me and my household — we’ll strike out on our own and see where it takes us.” We’re not out to drag people with us, but we are there to encourage others who have found the same experience as ourselves, and we want them to know that they’re not reprobate losers who are ruining everything for everyone else.

    The family of God is filled with all sorts of people who think all sorts of ways. I wish you the best of a beautiful day in your beautiful house — even when it’s messy, like mine, it’s filled with good things, good people, good memories, and good times! — Carolyn

  • Lori Woodward

    Sounds good to me Carolyn. I totally understand where you’re coming from. I prefer meeting with Christian friends for fellowship and prayer on occasion. I’ve never really fit in well with a congregation because I was not able to have children and I run a business. My house is a mess too. I just won’t ever fit the mold.

Previous Posts

Three "Christian" Teachings That Jesus Didn't Teach
"For the time is coming when people will not put up with sound doctrine . . . and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander away to myths." 2 Timothy 4:3-4 This week's assault on Facebook is 2 Timothy 4:3-4, with assorted memes ...

posted 11:45:01am Aug. 27, 2015 | read full post »

How Come God Never Speaks Directly to You?
"Then the voice said to him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'" 1 Kings 19:13 I'm sure many of you have had the experience of someone accosting you and announcing, [caption id="attachment_1803" align="alignleft" width="351"] Frequently, ...

posted 11:30:31am Aug. 21, 2015 | read full post »

Does Jesus Get Mad When We Complain?
"Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7 Some of the most insensitive sayings, passed on via social media memes, are posted by people who call themselves Christians. There is a lamentable desire to encapsulate ...

posted 1:51:31pm Aug. 19, 2015 | read full post »

When Christian Leaders Say, "Jump!" Do We Leap?
"If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you." James 1:5 For many years, my literary junk food was celebrity people magazines. Once every two weeks I headed to the ...

posted 12:51:02pm Aug. 14, 2015 | read full post »

How to Recognize a False Prophet
"Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people." (Matthew 24:11) Recently I ran across a blog from a mega-pastor who was refuting the teachings of another mega-pastor. Mega-Pastor B had some decent things to say about grace, mercy, ...

posted 1:41:02pm Aug. 07, 2015 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.