Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

Group Beyond Blue: Self-Esteem Forum

Dear Friends,
Group Beyond Blue will be holding a “self-esteem forum” the first Wednesday of every month, where we will be assigned one person for whom to write a self-esteem affirmation. My hope is that we will have some letters to share the following month, and decide if this is something we might continue into 2008. Simply log on to the “self-esteem forum” discussion thread at Group Beyond Blue in Beliefnet’s community site on Wednesday at 7 PM. Hope to see you there, Therese
PS I have no idea how this is going to work or the details, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out. Most of us are on meds, and a third of us are on meds that are working. Thanks for being a guinea pig.

  • janet w


  • Anonymous

    Janet: You too were raised on the “golden rule, huh? therese, i also celebrate this idea although I’m not sure I know the rest of my posters well enough to do them justice. It’s sort of like something I used to do in my classroom: Pull a name out of a hat every Monday and designate that child “student of the week” then have a “graffitibulltin board in the room where every member would use a marker to write something they liked about the “chosen one. at the end of the week, the paper came down and was sent home with that individual leaving room for new background paper to be stapled up. (I asked every child to name his or her favorite color at the start of the year and used their preference when it was possible. Oh! the student of the week also was given a costune crown to wear that week, which they LOVED, especially since hats weren’t allowed to be worn inside the building! It helped them remember who the featured student was and served as a visual reminder to get their “graffiti written down.

  • Jen Hart

    I read this website and the daily inspirations. I have read about change and I think that all I have read is great but i do have a saying that keeps me motivated i just wanted to share:
    If you don’t like it change it, if you can’t change it, then change the way you think about it!!!
    This has helped me time and time again. I have many more quotes that are ssooo beneficial, but this ones seems to capture the hearts of anyone and everyone if they just think about it.
    Take care,

  • mardeanne

    Good Morning,
    I think this is a wonderful idea because most of our daily lives as fulltime caregivers leaves very little time or energy left for us as individuals.
    My life was put on hold, my pc became my way of networking and interacting with others. I left my home in New Jersey, gave all my belongings away, left my son ( 31 ) and daughter ( 30 ) and my little grandson now 9 to come out and be Mom’s slave ( as she calls me ) This contributed to very low self esteem. It didn’t take long for me to realize I was only as good as the amount of work I could do. As I look back now I was subjected to verbal and emotional abuse. Nothing I did was right but I was giving her 150% of me.
    She has an 11 room house, three bathrooms, a living room that we never use, it’s just for show. Pasture fields that I ride the rider to mow and then the fields must be irrigatd.
    I have been fulltime caregiver of my 95 year old Mother for almost 7 years. Have gone through many highs and lows, mostly lows. The good thing has been that I have learned to be an overcomer. God has been my constant source of wisdom, strength, compassion which I know I wouldn’t have it it wasn’t for Him and His Love. I have taken care of my Father, my sister and now my Mother. I have a brother who took Mom to his house for 6 months to give me a much needed break and he couldn’t wait to bring her back home.
    I really appreciate this site where we can share and be open and honest. We do need to vent rather than internalize.
    Thank you for allowing me to share.

  • cyjordan

    count me in

  • Gail Yassine

    I would like to join this group. I was just placed on Abilfy as of the first of December. I have had major changes come over me this last year. Praise God that 2008 will be a better year. I’m claiming this. My father passed on in Febuary and my mom age 71 came to live with me in August. It has not been a bed of roses. With the passing of my father as well as my mother’s escapades, It sent me into a manic stage and I quit a very good job and decided I’d look after her since she is not capable of tending to her affairs. I can barely take care of myself as I’m starting a new business. My rational was if my employer wouldn’t work with me to take care of family, then I would not work for him. Please pray for me in this new quest as well as to understanding the diagnosis of Bi-Polar disorder. I would have never considered myself depressed.

  • Lynne

    Gail, Welcome to our slightly dysfunctional but honest family! I’m sure you will be able to contribute the BB community. I’m looking down the barrel of my Dad’s impending (can’t quite say it) and I’m thinking my Mom will come down here to give my older brother a break.( He’s got enough on his plate already) I hope I’m just jumping the gun about my Dad but reality says otherwise. Any way you slice it, in spite of all my self preparation, I will never be ready. Spiritually yes but actually no. My Mom is an undiagnosed depressive/anxiety victim. I may wish to kill her after a week. (Hopefully not) I think God gives you the strength to deal when you really need it. At any rate I look forward to hearing any helpful advice on how to avoid Momicide! Always ready to listen to your story too. Welcome aboard!

  • secrosslea

    I feel as if the part of my life that had any meaning is over now. I am 65, have been on disability for 7 yrs., moved from a big city where I had worked back to my home state. I have had a mastectomy, and three other cancer related surgeries—all within less than 23 mos. But, that was a few years ago, and I am cancer free right now. I do have an auto-immune disorder called Sjoegren’s Syndrome and Chronic Fatigue Immune Disoreder, and a few othehr problems which leave me feeling almost totally exhausted much of the time; plus the low grade fevers, sore throats, various achy parts of my body, confusion, clumsiness, and did I say exhausted?
    I have very few friends here as I am not very cheerful much of the time and don’t feel like going out at nights much because of the fatigue and fever which make my driving performance not so great. Plus, I get very nervous about it.
    I found out 2 yrs. ago that I have PTSD from family abuse. I know that is right & knew it as soon as the doc said it. It has been life long, although I didn’t know it until I came back. I had always wanted to get away, but didn’t know why. Now that I do, I have to stay away from them as they are cruel, petty, vengeful, and a lot of other things. I spend my birthday and Cmas alone unless I go to the dinner for the homesless, which I actually don’t mind doing except that it is so much work for me to get up and get going, make myself look nice, etc. that I didn’t do it this year—just stayed home and pretended it was like any other day. I did receive two phone calls this year and called a few old friends as well.
    What is killing me, and I think it IS killing me, is that my family—-about 50 of them live 50-75. mis. away, and I never see them. I never had children and am divorced for the second time, which I understand why now. I was lousy at marriage because I am not self-assertive enough to be in a relationship with anyone. I get along fine with people like my mechanic, some of my care givers—mainly the massage therapists, acupuncturist, chiro, people who know me rather superficially, but not the regular docs at all. They don’t remember anything from one visit to the next, and I have to request almost all of the follow-up stuff. This does not give me a great deal of confidence in them.
    But, the worst of all is the complete lack of affection in my life. My realtor gives me a hug, my chiro does, and others like that, but no one with any real closeness or stake in ME ever does. I cannot remember the last time someone I cared for touched me. We are pretty reticent with our feelings here, so I tried always telling friends and family that I loved them. (Imagine a lead balloon here.)
    But, now I do not see them, don’t think I really want to or should because they upset me so much that I am then sick for a week, sometimes two. Therefore, I am almost totally isolated. I go to my BC group sometimes, but don’t really know anyone there very well, and don’t particularly want to. I am afraid to put myself out and be open, because I am convinced that new people won’t like me any better than the old ones do. I can’t stand rejection anymore. It is like being stabbed in the back for me— almost feel it that way.
    I have none, nor do I see any real purpose in life for me. I’m just taking up space here. I do go out to some concerts and plays, eat out a lot, go to some political events and stuff that interests me, but it is seldom worth the trouble as it makes me feel even more exhausted. I read that someone calls those of us with these conditions, “the living dead,” and that is a perfect description.
    I do believe that I am basically a good person, have done a career’s worth of work on behalf of very needy people who had little hope, of which I am very proud. But, I forgot about me and when I got down in the dumps just threw myself harder into my work. There was always plenty of it to do. That was a mistake.
    I am not particularly interested in food, neither cooking or eating it, although I do like to read recipes. (?) I live in a very nice little house, but can’t even begin to manage its total chaos and dust bunnies everywhere. I did summon up enough spirit this year to actually buy some Cmas decorations and put them up outside, but haven’t sent the cards I got, nor any of the gifts I bought.
    I try new things. I gardened a lot this summer—flowers only. And, I bought a couple of new piano books lately to see if I can get back to playing the piano, But, it is much harder when you wear tri-focals and have arthritis, I’ve learned. I signed up for a course I wanted to audit this semester, only to have the prof. have emergency surgery and won’t be teaching it again until next year.
    We are in the middle of a “real winter” here, which I love on the one hand—the snow and ice have been beautiful, but hazardous. It is about 10F outside and will get down to -15F tonight, says the weatherman. I’ve investigated volunteering at the hospital with babies, but there is a waiting list for that one. I am not particularly religious although I’ve tried most of the ones that seemed likely. But, I just don’t believe in it, and all that piety and self-righteousness seems phony to me.
    There is a yoga class that meets once a week for Breast Cancer survivors, but again, it seems like a lot of work to even get there. I already go to that hospital for so many app’ts. that one more trip seems burdensome.
    I suppose this sounds whiny to some. But, my family—folks and siblings—meant everything to me, always. And now, to learn that they “can’t stand me” which they tell and show me often enough for me to believe them, just about kills me. And, to make it worse, I now know they never could. I think it will kill me, because one of these days, I’m just going to get so fed up, that I’ll go ahead and check myself out. I see no reason not to. My mother never wanted me, told me that until she died, and I guess if she didn’t, no one else will either as I feel too scarred or/or scared to get close to anyone, even if I found anyone I wanted to get closer to. And, I doubt if I will. This is a university and big hospital town, and is rather closed off from the rest of us.
    I go to therapy A LOT and take many meds, get outside most days to work or play, have two dogs I adore, and I don’t have too many money worries. But, I think I am just unhappy, very unhappy, and alone, and always will be. I see nowhere to turn. Another reason I moved back here was to be in “the passions of the seasons.” Well, here we are in full passion with this gorgeous season, and I wish I were just a snowflake now.

  • Margaret Balyeat

    RE: Secrosslea, january 1,2008
    my heart aches for you1 I know first hand the pain of not being loved (or even liked) by family, and there’s,IMHO, nothing worse! It does sound to me like you’re at least “going through the motions” of attempting to heal yourself; thats GREAT. When I have trouble forcing myself to get out and dodo something, it sometimes helps me to remember how I felt thatsame way the last time but was glad I’d made the effort in hindsight(Always 20/20 vision.) Please reconsider your thoughts of “checking yourself out”; i’ve learned as a survivor (one left behind) of two suicides that it leaves a tremendous emptiness in those who DO care about and count on you! Remember that it’s really a permanent solution to a temporary problem! I know it doesn’t seem that way when you’re in that frame of mind, but as our dear cully wrote just recently”Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to (or think they should doesn’t meand they don’t love you. someone else recently wrote–I can’t remember who–that we feel like nobTHING, but to someone we’re all EVERYTHING! Forgive me if it seems like i’m throwing platitudes at you, as I HATE having them thrown at me, but oftentimes there’s a kernel of truth in them. Know that i’ll be adding you and your situation to my prayer list, and don’t feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life, even if they ARE family. That’s a necessary step in recovery, and shared DNA donesn’t automatically create “family” anyway IMHO, family requires mutual respect and care; without those you have only blood lines connecting you.

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