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Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

July 2007 Archives

What Is Codependency?

posted by Beyond Blue

Back on my “Lady Codependency, A Good Samaritan?” post, Beyond Blue readers had quite the discussion on what, exactly, codependency means. Reader Yames wrote this: Codependency has virutally nothing to do with God or “blessings”. It has everything to do […]

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Recovering People-Pleasers

posted by Beyond Blue

I was relieved to know that there are quite a few recovering people-pleasers among our readers here on Beyond Blue. Among the messages posted on my “People-Pleasing: Today Is Not Your Day” post were these gems: I was just thinking […]

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The Doormat Syndrome

posted by Beyond Blue

Also on my post, “People-Pleasing: Today Is Not Your Day,” reader Michael posed this question: The hardest thing, for me, about setting boundaries, is that they not only keep the people I wish to keep out of my life out, […]

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Becoming Mary: My Way of Serving

posted by Beyond Blue

Wow! What a lively discussion there is on the message board of my “Lady Codependency, a Good Samaritan?” post. Thanks, especially to reader Jeri who wrote: I don’t think this lady [me, in case you missed it] is a codependent; […]

Last Year’s Charity

posted by Beyond Blue

Last year, before I started writing Beyond Blue, I had the same inner dialogue–where and how should I serve? Ultimately that conversation led to keeping my mother-in-law company during a difficult time for her. I describe that process in my […]

Serve For the Right Reason

posted by Beyond Blue

In my post, “Charity Confessions,” I talk about the “right” reason to serve. Although acts of altruism are important happiness boosters, I don’t think they can cure severe depression and I think the happy doctors who imply they can do […]

The Science of Resilience

posted by Beyond Blue

Peter Kramer describes the science of resilience in his fascinating book, “Against Depression.” His dream–the fantasy of resilience–gives me great hope that one day I might not have to work so hard at staying positive and sane, that I will, […]

Our Wings Are Strong

posted by Beyond Blue

I think all of us are more resilient than we think we are. I was moved by the comments of reader Nancy on my relpase post: We are sometimes strongest at our weakest moments. We feel like giving up, but […]

How Resilent Are You?

posted by Beyond Blue

Take Beliefnet’s quiz to find out how you deal with life’s most challenging moments by clicking here.

Resilience: The Opposite of Depression

posted by Beyond Blue

The opposite of depression is not happiness, according to Peter Kramer, author of “Against Depression” and “Listening to Prozac,” it is resilience: the ability to cope with life’s frustrations without falling apart. Proper treatment doesn’t suppress emotions or dull a […]

The Full Plate Club

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to Beyond Blue, I know that I’m not alone with regard to how my packed schedule contributes to depression. Reader TJ wrote this in an e-mail to me: One major factor to being suicidal was not enough time to […]

Advice for Moira

posted by Beyond Blue

I continue to be amazed and delighted by the support offered by readers to those who post their problems on the message boards of Beyond Blue. The other day at breakfast, Eric said to me, “I feel bad for Moira.” […]

Signs of Life for Ginny and Claudia

posted by Beyond Blue

I was especially concerned about reader Ginny who wrote the following on the message board of my “When to Get Help” post: How do you find a good doctor when you’re terrified of leaving the house? When the very thought […]

The Carnival of Depression and Bipolar Disorder

posted by Beyond Blue

Now that I’m officially a blogger with eight months of entries behind me, I have tried to get to know other mental health bloggers so that we can share resources and guide our readers towards helpful information. James Bishop does […]

For Gabriel: Your Disease Is Real

posted by Beyond Blue

One of the most meaningful notes I received on my relapse post was from a woman who lost her son to suicide. After reading her words, I felt renewed in my mission to educate as many people as I can […]

How to Approach a Friend?

posted by Beyond Blue

Along the lines of helping people to understand mental illness, I received the following question on my relapse post. I wondered what Beyond Blue readers have to say about how to approach a friend who is struggling with depression. Thank […]

Guardian Angel Update

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to reader Teresa who wrote the following question on my “Dear Guardian Angel One” post: I don’t wish to offend, when I say that Guardian Angel One sounds a bit controlling to me. I might add, it must be […]

A Small Thank You

posted by Beyond Blue

I’m not quite sure how to thank all my Beyond Blue readers for the loving and compassionate notes on the message board of my “Is It a Relapse?” post. I’m blown away by your support and kindness. I usually write […]

Reader Wisdom: What Helped You

posted by Beyond Blue

Here are just a few of the pearls I found on the message board of “Is It a Relapse?” Reach the Middle Place Deep inside you have the heart and faith to know that bad as today is, there is […]

I Know What You Mean

posted by Beyond Blue

I was also pleased to hear how many readers have recently discovered Beyond Blue and are so relieved to have found a place where others share their pain, that they take away such hope from the reader comments and from […]

Take Care of Yourself

posted by Beyond Blue

People may have the very best intentions, but we get hurt regardless. At least I do. Since children’s books are the only pieces of literature I read anymore (besides Beyond Blue, for grammatical errors), I got this little bit of […]

Don’t Make Assumptions

posted by Beyond Blue

The third spiritual agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, “The Four Agreements,” is this: don’t make assumptions. Ruiz writes: All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Take […]

Doctor’s Orders: A Day Off

posted by Beyond Blue

Last visit, Dr. Smith gave me strict orders to chill out more. So that’s what I’m doing today–trying to, at least. I will be back tomorrow!

Trying Hard to Rest

posted by Beyond Blue

A depressive becomes a kind of detective in trying to solve the relapse dilemma. “What the hell triggered this?” I’ve been asking myself for about eight days. I studied my sleep-mood-menstruation-medication journal and realized one thing had changed: I went […]

Day of Rest, Posture of Rest

posted by Beyond Blue

I found this article, “Day of Rest, Posture of Rest” by Diane Bloomfield an interesting read. Excerpted from her book “Torah Yoga,” she believes that both Shabbat and yoga teach us the art of relaxing and restoring ourselves. To read […]

Anemia: Watch for the Symptoms

posted by Beyond Blue

Speaking of rest and relaxation, depressives need to watch very carefully for symptoms of anemia because it can seriously undermine your quality of life. Here’s a Johns Hopkins alert on some important facts about anemia: Don’t Underestimate Anemia Hemoglobin (Hb) […]

PMS: Particularly Moody and Sensitive

posted by Beyond Blue

Warning: Male readers may want to skip my first two posts, and go down to the post about sleep hygiene, as I’m about to talk maxi-pads and stuff like that, and I know that some men absolutely hate all discussion […]

Menstruation and Depression

posted by Beyond Blue

Here’s an interesting article on WebMD by Miranda Hitti about the relationship between depression and menstrual cycles. Jan. 28, 2005 — Most women with depression get worsening symptoms prior to their periods, researchers say. In a new study, 64% of […]

Sleep Hygiene: It’s Harder than You Think

posted by Beyond Blue

I mentioned my sleep and mood journal. That’s always my first step in trying to solve the depression/anxiety relapse dilemma, because nothing (well, maybe food) affects my mood more than my sleep. Which is why it’s so importance to practice […]

Guardian Angels from Hell

posted by Beyond Blue

“Acknowledge miracles in your life. Angels are God’s miracle workers,” writes Jayne Howard Feldman, and Suzanne Siegel Zenkel says “Where there is goodness, there is an angel.” I’ve met an angel at every important crossroad in my life. One came […]

Dear Guardian Angel One

posted by Beyond Blue

Dear Guardian Angel One, I’m not angry with you. I was going to call you today to tell you all about it. I think you’re right about the politics. And I’ve told my editor that I don’t want to go […]

Dear Guardian Angel Two

posted by Beyond Blue

Dear Guardian Angel Two, I wanted to wait before saying anything to make sure I wasn’t anxious about anything else, and confusing my emotions, but I wanted to let you know that I left your place with some hurt feelings. […]

The Hurt

posted by Beyond Blue

My favorite children’s book doesn’t have beautiful, colored illustrations. It isn’t even hardback. It’s a $3.95 black and white paperback that explains to kids how to express their emotions. I read it to David and Katherine whenever I can find […]

Anxiety: Poop on My Head

posted by Beyond Blue

There is little need for a therapist when you have a three-year-old and a five-year-old asking you probing questions and analyzing your thoughts. “Mom, do you have an-ziety?” Katherine asked me the other day on the way to the pool. […]

When to Get Help

posted by Beyond Blue

Every depressive is different when it comes to crying “Uncle,” and calling the doc. My guardian angel Ann says that if she stays in bed three days in a row, she will call the doctor on the fourth day (or […]

The Moment She Cried “Uncle”

posted by Beyond Blue

There was a beautiful essay in the Washington Post last week by Laura Zigman on the moment she cried “uncle,” and took the “happy pills” that she was so adamant on not taking. It’s a wonderful description of depression and […]

A Success Story

posted by Beyond Blue

I’ve said this before, but I learn as much for my readers and readers learn in my posts. One reader, TJ (I remember because that’s also my nickname), wrote back in May, “How do I reach out for help?” I […]

When Psychiatric Treatment Is Denied

posted by Beyond Blue

Right after reading TJ’s uplifting success story, I learned about this disturbing story: An Australian woman accused of murdering her father and sister was denied psychiatric treatment because of her parents’ Scientology beliefs. You can read the entire story by […]

What Makes People Relapse?

posted by Beyond Blue

Regarding relapse, here’s some interesting information from “Psychology Today“: Contrary to conventional wisdom, it’s not some singular upsetting event that sends most people spiraling downward into a relapse of depression. Rather, it’s longstanding difficulties of a relatively severe nature. So […]

The Return of Enjoyment

posted by Beyond Blue

Although we weren’t allowed to roast marshmallows in the psych ward (for fear of someone purposely lighting himself on fire), there were many campfire moments, where we sat in a circle sharing some of the most intimate memories, stories, hopes, […]

The Other Face of Depression

posted by Beyond Blue

When that happens to a manic-depressive when her bumps get wings and fly away? She becomes “exuberant,” the title of Kay Redfield Jamison’s book (“Exuberance: The Passion for Life“). This is the other face of depression, not mania. Jamison writes: […]

The Fern and the Bamboo

posted by Beyond Blue

Because there were over 80 responses to my post about the poem ‘Footprints,’ I wanted to share a few other inspirational quotes, sayings, or stories that have given me strength. The Story of the Fern and the Bamboo was just […]

Psalm 91

posted by Beyond Blue

And one more piece of my spiritual armor is Psalm 91. My mom kept her Bible in our living room marked to this passage. I would sit there when no one was around and read it over and over again, […]

No Sex in the City (or America)

posted by Beyond Blue

Four attractive young moms (what SOME men might call “yummy mummies”) are sipping on margaritas at a Mexican bar enjoying Happy Hour. “I’m telling you, I hate it!” one says. “I can tolerate it if I’m not tired,” says another. […]

The Myth of ‘Safe’ Sex

posted by Beyond Blue

There’s no such thing as safe sex, argues Esther Perel in her book “Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic.” Because in order for the sex to be good, and desire to live in a relationship, there needs […]

Allergic to Sex?

posted by Beyond Blue

Oh my God! Maybe I’m allergic to sex! One more thing for this OCD gal to worry about. I don’t think I am, but this was interesting article anyway. To read the whole thing click here: “Could You Be Allergic […]

Breaking Up with Someone Else’s Spouse

posted by Beyond Blue

In “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person,” Howard Halpern says that “the most tragic and self-defeating addiction is an addiction to someone who is tied to someone else, particularly by marriage.” He offers six guidelines to help you […]

Walking Away from Toxic Relationships

posted by Beyond Blue

I know I’ve been excerpting Howard Halpern a lot on the topic of dysfunctional relationships. If you need a new voice, check out Paula White’s article, “Walking Away from Toxic Relationships,” by clicking here. It begins: When God wants to […]

Stay or Leave?

posted by Beyond Blue

Thank you to reader Angela who wrote the following comment on my “People-Pleasing: Today Is Not Your Day” post: I really appreciate this article today because I am also struggling with this issue in my life. I feel like I […]

Dangerous Self-Delusions

posted by Beyond Blue

I can’t say for sure what the right thing to do in either case (Angela’s or Julissa’s). However, I think these four characteristics of self-delusion and addictive relationships (in my mind the same as dysfunctional relationships) offered by Howard Halpern […]

What’s My Part In It?

posted by Beyond Blue

After I e-mailed reader Babs to thank her for her heartfelt comment on the board, she e-mailed back and asked me a question that I’ve pondering for the last week. “Since you get so disappointed in so many relationships, you […]

Men Are From Israel, Women Are From Moab

posted by Beyond Blue

If you care to get instruction on healthy relationships from the Bible, here’s a great excerpt from “Men Are From Israel, Women Are From Moab” by Dr. Norm Wakefiled & Jody Brolsma. Get to the article by clicking here. It […]

Relationships Week

posted by Beyond Blue

Since so many of the reader comments on Beyond Blue deal with relationships, I thought I’d devote a whole week to relationship issues. I’ll revisit the topic of emotional affairs, offer some questions to think about for those considering leaving […]

Addicted to Love

posted by Beyond Blue

I wanted to return to the topic of emotional affairs since there were over 100 messages on my posts on that subject: “Ten Red Flags,” “Breaking Up and Moving On,” “The Emotional Affair,” and “The Dangers of Head Sex.” For […]

Are You Addicted to Love?

posted by Beyond Blue

How do you know when you are in an addictive relationship (or an unhealthy, emotional affair)? Here are more excerpts from Halpern that will help you determine that. There is probably an addictive element in every love relationship, and that, […]

Previous Posts

Seven Ways to Get Over an Infatuation
“Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I” wrote US songwriter Lorenz Hart about the feeling of infatuation. It’s blissful and euphoric, as we all know. But it’s also addicting, messy and blinding. Without careful monitoring, its wild ...

posted 12:46:43pm Feb. 19, 2014 | read full post »

When Faith Turns Neurotic
When does reciting scripture become a symptom of neurosis? Or praying the rosary an unhealthy compulsion? Not until I had the Book of Psalms practically memorized as a young girl did I learn that words and acts of faith can morph into desperate ...

posted 10:37:13am Jan. 14, 2014 | read full post »

How to Handle Negative People
One of my mom’s best pieces of advice: “Hang with the winners.” This holds true in support groups (stick with the people who have the most sobriety), in college (find the peeps with good study habits), and in your workplace (stay away from ...

posted 10:32:10am Jan. 14, 2014 | read full post »

8 Coping Strategies for the Holidays
For people prone to depression and anxiety – i.e. human beings – the holidays invite countless possibility to get sucked into negative and catastrophic thinking. You take the basic stressed-out individual and you increase her to-do list by a ...

posted 9:30:12am Nov. 21, 2013 | read full post »

Can I Say I’m a Son or Daughter of Christ and Suffer From Depression?
In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, we read: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” What if we aren’t glad, we aren’t capable of rejoicing, and even prayer ...

posted 10:56:04am Oct. 29, 2013 | read full post »

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