Today I ran into a an acquaintance of mine at the store. It was good catching up with him, but while we were talking I kept sensing this overwhelming feeling that he was perplexed. I asked him what was wrong. After giving me the usual “nothing’s wrong” lines he finally caved in and shared that he was having a problem with a friend of his.
What was interesting about his story was not that there was an interruption in the relationship. However, it was the way he was handling the situation that really concerned me. He told me that his friend really hurt him and this was a series of hurts that have built up over time. I asked him has he took the time to share with his friend. He replied yes but, he didn’t fully express the degree of hurt it caused him. Thus, he began avoiding him. That’s the problem.
Too often in life we don’t express to those closest to us how we’ve been deeply hurt. We’d rather avoid. I’ve found in coaching clients and especially those in relationships, we only share to a degree. We won’t allow ourselves to become fully vulnerable. We protect ourselves (by avoiding) and won’t allow us to go past a certain point. I told my friend that the reason why his friend may have been aloof to the situation is that he didn’t fully express how deeply hurt he was by his friend’s behavior.
Part of being great is being responsible for our feelings and making sure we are living in the truth. The truth was my friend was hurt by his friend. He asked for my advice. I simply told him” you have to take care of you in a healthy way, not a coping way.” See its easy to avoid the person or just be done and cut them off (while there are certainly appropriate moments for this, this is not one). But to truly take care of ourselves we must be brave and vulnerable and tell those who’ve harmed us that they’ve harmed us. I’ve witnessed over and over again when couples really come clean and express their hurts to one another that healing truly begins for both parties.
Photo Credit: Morguefile.com
In life the harder thing to do is usually the righteous thing to do. All that to say, if you find yourself in a place where you’re avoiding someone because you’re afraid to speak the truth of your hurt, you’re doing yourself a disservice as well as the other party. In short, telling the truth is a growth opportunity that should never be missed.
Remember we have the ability to not only change our world, but the world as a whole….BE GREAT!!
Until Next Time,
Pervis Taylor, III is an Author, Life Coach, Speaker and Contributor. His books Pervis Principles Volume 1 and 2 are available exclusively on his website: www.pervistaylor.com/author. He is the creator of the inspiration mobile app, I-Inspire, available for IPhones, Ipad and Ipod Touch via: http://pervistaylor.com/i-inspire/. He resides in New York City. Follow him on twitter @pervistaylor or facebook www.facebook.com/pervistaylor3.