Question submitted via Formspring:
“I’m kinda lost I’m 30 years old and honesty I don’t know how to deal or what to do with my life I don’t know what makes me happy or whats is my passion I don’t have a career or finished school, I’m depressed most the time how can I join life and discover me.”
First and foremost, don’t feel bad about this, since the majority of my coaching clients come to me with this exact same question.
It’s difficult to answer this one in one message, but luckily enough I’ve written about how to know what you want, how to be happy, how to love yourself, and how to find your dream job already (see the links over on the left hand side) so I don’t need to repeat that here.
A common mistake people make, is assuming there is only one ‘right’ thing for them to be doing. As if their life has a singular purpose, and if they aren’t doing it, then their whole life is a waste.
And while I’ve written extensively about finding your purpose and vision, the fact is that your TRUE purpose is whatever you say it is.
Whatever interests and excites you to the point you can give yourself 100% to pursuing it, is what you ‘should’ be doing.
The problem is most of us have been shaped by one of two forces: a fear of failure, and or an overemphasis on the opinions of others.
In many ways, this is the same thing, since the only reason we fear failing is because we fear what other people will say, or that they will stop loving us.
The reality is, however, that no one who has done anything great was overly concerned with what other people thought.
To answer your specific question, the first thing to do is: decide what you DON’T want.
What do you have in your life right now that you just can’t stand anymore?
Do you want a new job, new car, new body, new friends? It’s OK to get a little negative right now, since you can use anger for motivation!
Once you know what you don’t want, then what DO you want?
If you aren’t sure, take the exact opposite of the ‘Don’t’ list as a starting point.
Now you have some goals to work towards, you can start putting a plan in place to make it happen.
Here’s the thing, though: you’ve had years to build up the habits and beliefs that have gotten you to where you are right now.
Your comfort zone is this exact point, even though it may not FEEL very comfortable right now.
So when you start pushing to change, momentum will kick in and start trying to drag you back into this life, * DO NOT LET IT*!
This is the true key to change, and why most people fail at changing their lives. It’s easy to watch The Secret, read a good book, or go see a motivational speaker and think you can change the world. You’ll feel unstoppable for a day, a week, even a month; but what happens after that?
You stall out.
Even though the idea of a self-made man is a myth, the fact is in the end all of us have to walk the path alone. YOU have to to dig in deep and get to work making changes, and no one can do it for you. Realistically though, if you can’t get excited about what YOU want, then who can?
Start by taking small actions, so you can start amassing wins that build up your confidence and belief in yourself. For instance, make a plan to start job hunting tomorrow, set aside a certain amount of time to go online and look, or call temp agencies. Or, if you smoke and want to quit, plan on smoking half or ¾ as many cigarettes. Or, if you want to lose wait, plan a short walk after dinner.
And when the time comes: DO IT!
Integrity means keeping the promises you make to yourself.
You don’t have to make huge plans and jump in head first, that is a sure fire recipe for burning out and giving up.
Making changes and taking action doesn’t mean things will be easy, or that your life will change quickly; it only means that things will ultimately work out better. It is better to struggle following your own passion, than to be a slave to someone else’s.
Small actions taken consistently build up to big results; slow and steady really does win the race.
Read those other articles and watch the videos I’ve already posted, and you’ll have all the tools you need to make whatever changes you want to make; and if you still need help contact me directly and I will help you
What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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